Am I over reacting?

[Chillyegg]

My child and I are mixed race and live in a very rural area.
My daughter has told me today that a ‘bigger’ girl at school cornered her and asked if she “could speak English” . My dc told me that she felt really upset and worried about it . I’ve written a note to school to her teacher now I’m worried I’m being ‘that parent’.

How old are the children in question? If they are pretty young I don't see the problem? They were obviously just curious?

My child Reception age.... but quite frankly I’m not sure my child being made to feel worried and nervous is acceptable. Childhood curiosity aside doesn’t validate my child being otherd

I get that your child is 4 in a new environment mixing with children they don't know - but why would your child feel nervous and worried by being asked a simple question? Perhaps talk to them about being proud of their heritage and being different and leave it at that

If you make a big thing out of this you will become "that" parent who people will be nervous to have anything to do with lest they offend you unwittingly by saying the wrong thing? You will be making it a race issue when really it doesn't sound like it is an issue at the moment?

You're not overreacting and in the end you do what you have to in order to protect your child. Because there's nothing worse than the feeling you get when your child is hurt.

It sounds like something a teacher of a reception class can bring up as a lesson, in that kids that age are well aware of otherness but therefore should also be aware that there are ways to approach it. Your child clearly speaks English. This 'othering' was upsetting and bullying because it couldn't have come from a place of not knowing.

Any idea how much bigger the girl was?
I was taken aback by some of the taunts I heard at my Sons infant school so I wouldn't assume it was innocent but more likely a child mimicking adults without fully understanding how it would feel.

It's worth letting school know about any incident that makes a reception child anxious in the first weeks especially if the cause is another child who can be led toward a better way of approaching others if the school know

lest they offend you unwittingly by saying the wrong thing?

Like "can you speak English because you look a bit brown?" is that the sort of unwitting social faux pas Parents might fear making if they know OP lets the school know about such trivialities between her DD and other pupils?

Adults know not to ask such questions because we learnt it causes offense and distress.

Kids need it explained to them at some point and if the school are not told that it happened, then the other child can't be made aware of how her question affected OPs Daughter and may well carry on unwittingly unleashing Racism on other infant age children.

What any of that has to do with Parents being told and becoming too nervous to speak in front of OP in case they accidentally drop some racism into the conversation has confused me slightly.

Did she corner her physically?? Was it just the big girl or did she have a gang? Either way, I see nothing wrong with flagging up behaviour such as "cornering" anyone or making them feel uneasy.

Not overreacting at all.

Innocent childhood curiosity is one thing, but unless an adult has planted the idea, why would it even occur to a child that someone a different skin colour wouldn't speak English? It isn't like noticing something physically different and innocently asking about it.

Unless the child's only experiences of other races have come from documentaries with subtitles for translation or holidaying with a remote tribe, then even if they've traveled a lot they wouldn't be left with the impression that white people speak English and none white people don't.

Is she very shy and doesn't say much?

I ask because there was a child in one of mine's form who had selective mutism. My DC commented all matter if factly "they don't speak English"
Which was their conclusion because they never heard her speak, and nothing to do with race.

I'm surprised by the posts minimising this. Of course you are not overreacting.

Phone the school, let them know how your daughter felt. They won't want her to feel like that. Hopefully they will encourage her to tell someone at school whenever incidents occur so that they can deal with it straight away.