Internet date... assumed sex.. 'feminists have sex too'

[Coldemort]

Was torn between posting this on Feminist chat or AIBU so went for middle ground instead...

Have been chatting to a guy for a few days. A bit half-heartedly on my account (was dipping my toe in. Not sure I'm ready for dating yet - this may or may not be relevant). Anyway, all been fine, no sexual chat at all. He's an academic and on his profile he also lists 'feminist'. Great.

He asks me what I'm looking for. My response was 'long term eventually but until that comes along I'm happy meeting great people'. So roll on this morning and he asks if I'm free Friday. Confirm I am, where did he have in mind? Conversation as follows:
Him: 'Cofee then back to yours winky face'
Me: 'Ah ok. No I'm not up for that sorry'
Him 'Why not?'
Him: (later when I don't reply) 'I thought that's what you're looking for'
Me: 'Yes, I forgot 'looking to meet great people means 'I'll compromise my personal safety by inviting someone I've never met and have sex with them'. For a self confessed feminist that's an awful lot of male entitlement going on there. Sorry think we're at cross purposes here'.
Him: 'That was unnecessary and rude'
Him: 'Feminists have sex too'
Him: 'women often initiate such meetings with me are they entitled too?'

I'm not going to reply anymore. But I'm a bit :/
I can see I was a bit rude, but for heavans sake we had no sexual chat, nothing I said could possibly have led him to believe I was after a quick hook up other than 'meeting great people'. I just feel sick of men assuming coffee means sex. And the 'feminists have sex too' really has riled me.

Now creating a hundred imaginary replies in my head.

To be clear, this isn't about him. Bullet dodged and all that. It's the attitude / assumption which is so common even around educated 'feminist' men. He's a bit younger than me, but usually these guys are a bit more switched on.

Or I might just be having a really shit day :)

Give me strength!

I have been told by some that l frighten some men. I’ve also been called a skirt wearing feminist, whatever one of those is. In addition I am not adverse to sex on a first date. I enjoy sex. If the chemistry and passion is there, I see little point in messing about.

But if someone l had never met made a presumption that it would lead to sex or an invite to Chateau Starlight they would get a rude awakening.

I suppose at least you have found out in advance and that’s a good thing. Feminist indeed! He is probably no good in bed either.

I think he was the rude one, for asking 'why not?' when you'd clearly said you weren't up for 'coffee and winky faces'.

You'd politely said no. It's no business of his WHY NOT.

We don't owe men politeness. Clear, blunt communication is justified here.

Hmm. I think maybe your response was a bit rude

Nah, not rude enough.

If a man has 'feminist' in his bio, he is usually an incel. And he hates women. Fact.

What's an incel ?

An incel is a person usually male who is involuntarily celibate (because no woman will shag him). And generally bitter.