I’m too embarrassed to go to the dentist

[PillarOfSalt]

I hate the dentist. When I was pregnant with dc1 I had near constant vomiting which destroyed the enamel on my back teeth. My dentist at the time was very brusque, told me I needed to stop vomiting or I’d be toothless and then asked me to leave because I was hysterical when I started crying (I was already fairly uncomfortable going to the dentist and was pregnant, nauseous and hormonal). The dental assistant was outraged and had a huge go at the dentist in front of me and ended up walking out too. That was 7 years ago and I haven’t been back since.

I live in the arse end of nowhere and that was the only dentist for miles. I couldn’t face going back there in case I bumped into horrible dentist and since then I’ve built up a massive phobia to it. When I got asked to leave is just had a temporary filling out in that needed to be replaced with a proper one a few weeks later. I never got the proper one. I tried filling in the hole after the filling came out with the repair kits you can get from pharmacies and eventually just stopped eating on one side.

Now the other side is sore so I started eating on the side with the hole in again. Yesterday half the tooth with the hole in just snapped off in my mouth and I’ve been pulling bits of root out of my gum. The other side is now incredibly painful.

I’m going to get such a bollocking from the dentist aren’t I? I’m not going back to the surgery nearby, I’ll go to the one in the nearest town where they hopefully haven’t heard of me . What can I say when I phone up? Does anyone know of any dentists in Devon that wouldn’t give me a bollocking for leaving an open cavity in my mouth for7 years?

Please don't worry too much. Dentists have seen far worse and you'll feel so much better when it's fixed. Let them know that you're nervous. Are there any clinics for nervous patients? We have some around here, although too far from Devon.

I need a filling too, also long overdue, and am booked in for a check up next week

Where abouts in Devon are you?

You won't get a bollocking. The dentist you had was a knob and thankfully, unprofessional idiots like that are few and far between.
I'm going to guess that you're looking at tooth removal or a root canal. Root canal is fiddly, time consuming and consists of more than one long appointment. Worth the hassle if you truly want to keep the tooth though.
I've had a couple of teeth out too and it's not pleasant but I was given two diazepam by my doc before my appointment (I asked during another appointment if there was something I could have for an upcoming dental app). It did help.
If you do need a tooth pulled I highly recommend earphones and LOUD music to distract you. Youngest DD just got through a broken tooth removal using the earphones. Days earlier her other broken tooth had been removed and she was very upset during. No earphones that time.

Simply explain your severe phobia when booking and they'll know how to deal with you. You won't get told off.

I had very similar OP. You're not alone! I was buying antibiotics online claiming I had issues down below because I knew you couldn't get an online script for a gum infection 😳. I did that until an infection in the back tooth got so bad I was almost fainting with pain and the antibiotics weren't touching it.

I googled dentist for someone phobic and travelled a bit farther. When I rang to make the appointment I could barely speak for crying, I cried when I went in and cried when he said the tooth needed removed. The relief was instant and tbh it took two secs for him to pull it. Getting it pulled was so easy, the next time I went with the tooth on the other side infected, I flat out refused a root canal and made them remove it. Noone can see they're both missing but I definitely couldn't have sat through a procedure.

Also, I take a child's fiddle cube for when I'm in the chair. I honestly wish you all the best. I know everyone hates the dentist and I think that makes it even harder for others to empathise when you're properly phobic .

That first dentist was totally unprofessional and deserved to be struck off . Presumably he thought you had an eating disorder and so it was your fault you lost enamel - which show how ignorant he is .
You need to stress with the next surgery what an awful time you had . The chance of getting another dentist like your previous one is remote .

Glad the dental nurse showed solidarity with you .

I think most dentists know that the reason they get paid so well is because their job involves staring into mouths of varying levels of cleanliness/decay. They must know that most people don’t enjoy their visits. I can imagine they have seen far worse and just look at it as a challenge. Find a nice one and form a lifelong relationship. It’s not as if your teeth have gone to pot because of a meth addiction - which maybe they might have treated too. You’ll be fine.

I’m in the same boat. Too scared to go because I know i should have gone sooner. One day I’ll put my big girl pants on and get it sorted out.

I would explain to Receptionist when booking that you have a dental phobia and ask them to book you with a sympathetic and patient dentist.

They will definitely have seen similar before, please don't worry.

If you can remember the name or face of the horrible dentist, they usually have websites showing staff so he might have left. Some surgeries have staff experienced with frightened patients so worth looking at that too. A dentist friend told me they like to see different cases that they can really help, people with healthy unchanging teeth are boring!

What can I say when I phone up? Does anyone know of any dentists in Devon that wouldn’t give me a bollocking for leaving an open cavity in my mouth for7 years?

I'm not in Devon OP, but I just wanted to say I kind of had something similar. My wisdom teeth came through and shunted my teeth a little, knocking one of my fillings out of place. It eventually completely fell out (the filling, not the the tooth, lol) and I left it because it didn't hurt. Until it did and I got a horrific abscess!

I thought I was going to get a bollocking, I was so embarassed but honestly, he was so so kind to me. I explained I had anxiety, and that's why I hadn't been, he was very understanding, said they aren't there to judge and just want to help.

The horrible dentist you saw was a bad one, he should have been more caring. I'm sure he was a one off. I honestly kicked myself for not going sooner. It'll be okay, just get it over with and you'll be glad you did :)

Hi OP. I was in exactly the same position although it was financial reasons I didn't go back and the pain got worse and worse until I finally caved. I explained to the dentist why I had built up such a phobia and was mortified about receding gums and decay and all the other stuff that happens after not seeing a dentist for about 10 years. And it was the best thing I have done, my new dentist, salt of the earth! Helped me overcome my fear, didn't treat me like a swamp mouth and understood my issues. Now I'm toothache free, a few spaces where the teeth were, but so worth it. Phone a few dentists and make an appt with one that puts you at ease. You'll get there OP x

Do you know how often dentists get these phone calls from people who haven’t been for ages and now have a problem? Every.single.day.
Ring up and ask to see a dentist who is good with nervous patients- some are not and have crap people skills like the one you saw!
Dentists don’t give you a bollocking 😂 The longer a problem is left, the more work needs doing which means more money in their pocket.
Grow some balls and ring up first thing in the morning!!

Thank you so much. I’m glad I’m not the only one with a mouthful of rotten teeth. Luckily all the ones at the front look pretty good, you’d never know the horror of what’s knocking around in the back half of my mouth.

I’ll put my big girl pants on and call them up in the morning. To the pp’s that had a diazepam before an appointment- is it the dentist that would prescribe it or GP? I’m much less likely to bolt if I’m sedated.

I also had a phobia of the dentist. Due to pain and about to go on holiday, I plucked up courage and went to the emergency dentist. They saw me immediately and the offending tooth extracted.painless just a bit sore after. Since then I have had 2 root canal fillings, again painless just took a long time! There are some brilliant, kind dentists who explain everything and go at your own pace. Totally restored my faith. I hope your experience goes as well as mine.

You can get sedation on National Health. Not every surgery does it. My hubby has it for fillings as the novakain has no effect and my daughter has it because she's terrified of dentists

Sedation takes bmi in mind.
Any dentist worth their salt will understand.
Please get seen soon. Take someone you trust with you for support. Good luck.

@PillarOfSalt I got my doctor to prescribe a couple of tablets but only because I was at an appointment for something else. I know dentists can and do write prescriptions but I've no idea if an anti anxiety medication would be one. Maybe you could ask the receptionist when you call if it's something they can do or if you need a doctor's appointment for it. Anxiety is a doctor issue I guess, no matter the cause.

I desperately needed to go but was too embarrassed, ashamed and shit scared of having anything done. I'd lost all my confidence and it was affecting my daily life as I was so self conscious of my teeth and didn't want to smile or laugh or anything. Anyway my sister spoke to her dentist and explained how frightened I was and she said to make an appointment. She was just so lovely and it was no where near as bad as I expected it to be. I think the fear of the unknown is often so much worse than what it's actually like.
I know it sounds OTT but that dentist changed my life and gave me back my confidence. Be brave and make an appointment, it's so worth it.