What's your typical day like with a toddler and newborn?

[tiredtrumpet]

Just that really. DS is 2.5 and DD is 3 weeks.
I was left alone with them both for the first time today and it was chaos. It was chucking it down so couldn't go out in the pram.
DD won't sleep unless upright on my chest, so been awake since 4 am holding her upright.
Couldn't attend to the toddler without the baby screaming blue murder. Tried to get her to sleep in her Moses basket but she was having none of it.
Couldn't have her sleep on me whilst playing/dressing/changing the toddler.
Feel utterly lost and a bit useless to them both tbh.
I'm going to ask the HV about reflux and how I can help, because as nice as it is, I can't hold DD upright during the night and I need her to sleep in the basket during the day too so I can look after toddler.

Not really a complete fix but might help...have you tried a sling? My son wanted to be held constantly when he was born and I couldn't get anything done so I bought a close caboo sling. Meant I could hold him and get jobs done as my hands were free. He would just snuggle in and go to sleep :-)

Oh and it holds them upright so I found it helped with his reflux!

There used to be some crying, it was unavoidable. I used a sling, e.g at gymnastics class etc. It's not an easy stage! I went out in pram and buggy board (not in rain)

It was hell at times(Most of the time)
DD and DS 18 months apart.
It's now a distant blur.
Accept as much help as possible from anyone (almost)who offers.

Am at exactly same stage as you, with a 2.7 year old and a four week old. It is hellish.

I lay out on our kitchen table the stuff needed for breakfast the night before.

I try to feed the baby first thing whilst my husband gets ready for work, and then my husband will burp/jiggle her whilst I shower and dress quickly.

Get toddler up, give her breakfast in her pyjamas whilst simultaneously trying to top up baby and feed myself. (If toddler gets food all over her pyjamas it doesn’t matter as will still need to dress her, but if I help her get dressed before breakfast it can mean a second attempt at dressing her if weetqbix goes everywhere 😁).

Baby will normally go down in her vibrating bouncy chair thing, then I can do teeth/tidy up for five minutes.

This morning in the rain we played inside with dollies and read books. When toddler was happily playing changing a nappy, I nipped off and made her a sandwich for lunch and popped it in a box in the fridge - basically if the toddler is entertained for any stretch of time without me, I use that time to tidy/make food/etc.

Had lunch late and got toddler supper out of freezer, once toddler down at 1.30pm for a nap. Currently feeding baby whilst I read stuff on my phone. 😊

Will set up colouring stuff on coffee table before I get toddler up, so that have easy speedy entertainment when I need to feed the baby again.

Much of my days I just muddle through at the moment, but trying to be one step ahead seems to help a bit currently. I will leave baby to cry for a minute or so (as long as it’s not the hysterical crying) if it means that I can get something done with the toddler that will give me ten minutes peace with the baby after that.

Sling for your baby and CBeebies for your toddler. Packed lunches made for you and toddler the night before. Lots of toys your toddler can play with independently - puzzles, colour matching games etc. Get out every morning for a walk or to the park, fresh air will be good for all of you and your toddler needs to burn off some energy.

The first couple of months are brutal but once baby can sit up independently it gets a million times easier. Will your baby lie on a play mat for a while and watch you play with your toddler? Does/can your toddler go to nursery a couple of mornings? Hartbeeps do a session for siblings and things like library rhyme time are good for different ages.

I found the first couple of months quite lonely but gradually that got better as I felt more able to get out. My toddler survived the CBeebies fest too!

It goes so fast, in a few weeks things will be much more settled and you’ll have found a routine that works for your family.

I spent a lot of time with baby in a sling or sitting crossed-legged on the floor with the feeding pillow on my lap breastfeeding whilst playing duplo/ dinosaurs etc with DC1.

It does get easier. I found it easier to plan the day the night before, get toys out, make lunch for us etc so I knew what we were doing.

We also go for a walk every single day (except yesterday actually)- rain suit and wellies for us both, splashing in puddles and dancing in the rain is fun!

Get out every day it makes it easier. If raining I would drive somewhere indoors.

I’m a bit further ahead than you with a 6m old. The juggling does start to get easier and you are still in the pure survival stage. I go out to a lot of classes with the older one while the baby was in the sling. Once they hit 3, they can do more groups where you can just watch which is easier. I also still have my older one in nursery.

A typical day with both of them seems to be

6.30 toddler wakes and sneaks into our bed for an extra snooze. 6.45 baby up- I feed.

7.45 ish breakfast

8.30 baby goes for nap. I get showered and dressed while toddler plays.

When baby wakes, feed her and then go out for the morning with both.

Late morning/early afternoon- Play with 3yo and sort lunch while baby has nap 2.

Feed baby while 3y old plays. Then try and occupy them both together.

Later afternoon. Nap no.3- play with toddler and prep dinner. Then feed baby.

6 dinner for both:
6.30 bath and bedtime for baby while 3yo watches tv
7 bath and bed for 3yo.

Basically a sling has become an essential and I’m a bit obsessed with naps.

If you think the baby has reflux get to the GP and see what they can give. Also try to rule out CMPA.

Thank you all for replying! A sling is a great idea and seems to work for lots of people.
I do have a sling but I can't find it, I'll desperately try and look for it tonight, don't want to buy another as it was £70!

I think I just felt completely useless this morning, not a help to either.

It doesn't help that the my toddler doesn't really have naps anymore. If if he has a nap he will go to bed at 7 and dick about until about 10/11pm, then be shattered the next day, so I don't tend to put him down anymore.

The baby hasn't settled into a routine yet, so I'm hoping it will get easier when she does and I can put her down.

As someone mentioned it gets easier when they are 3 and you can leave them at groups and activities. If I go to a soft play now I have to sort of follow him around and help. He does go to nursery one day a week and my mum visits one day a week as well

Thank you all for replying! A sling is a great idea and seems to work for lots of people.
I do have a sling but I can't find it, I'll desperately try and look for it tonight, don't want to buy another as it was £70!

I think I just felt completely useless this morning, not a help to either.

It doesn't help that the my toddler doesn't really have naps anymore. If if he has a nap he will go to bed at 7 and dick about until about 10/11pm, then be shattered the next day, so I don't tend to put him down anymore.

The baby hasn't settled into a routine yet, so I'm hoping it will get easier when she does and I can put her down.

As someone mentioned it gets easier when they are 3 and you can leave them at groups and activities. If I go to a soft play now I have to sort of follow him around and help. He does go to nursery one day a week and my mum visits one day a week as well

@Wheresmrlion @Snoodleberry packed lunches made up the night before is a brilliant idea, it's one less thing to do/think about

A vibrating/swinging bouncy chair type thing might help for baby?
Also once your eldest turns 3 they will have access to 15 hours funded childcare- if you are still off then.

It's really hard work. I remember lugging baby round soft play following my 1 year old (22 month age gap)

Marking my place! 6 week old and a 2.3 year old.

Cheating as my husband is off work for another 6 weeks BUT I am trying to do more and more by myself.

My top tip so far is PACK THE CAR THE NIGHT BEFORE. Two in nappies, one of whom may well shit through her clothes at any moment, means I need a bag full of "stuff" at the moment. I've also got a bastard of a pram that needs the wheels taking off before it fits in the boot!

I'd totally forgotten how frustrating that pre-sitting thing is. Roll on 6 months...(No not really...)

@1Bobbinwinder I have a huge new bastard pram that barely fits in the car and it's such a faff as you have to dismantle the lie flat newborn but before it collapses

I also need to be careful because I have a prolapse and I'm trying to not make it worse by lifting said pram into car but I need to get out and about without DH help!

I have 2 that are 16 months apart. In the early weeks I went to local toddler groups where eldest could run about & I could get a hot brew while someone cuddled youngest. Definitely try and get out of the house every day. My eldest also has one day a week at nursery which really helps. I never got the hang of a sling and my youngest was also a Velcro reflux baby who hated the Moses basket but it got a lot easier once he would sit in his bouncer for a bit. It’s really really tough at the beginning but it does get easier xx

OP my little boy had heartburn and reflux and wouldnt settle lay down either. It sounds like your little one has it. Its not always projectile vomitting it can be silent reflux and/or heartburn. Ask them to give you gaviscon and also medication such as ranitidine. My DS wasnt diagnosed til he was 12 weeks old and i was exhausted x

OP i just want to say too that all mums have bad days/months/years some just hide it better than others. Take each day as it comes and try not to put too much pressure on yourself. If they are fed, safe and loved then you are fine :)

Get to a sling library op. Or try Facebook for a second hand one. I bought an ergo original for £40 I think and it was a godsend.

If you can’t find a local library, you can get an online consultation and they will post you a hire.

My baby (5m) is quite easy so it's not that awful. DC1 is almost 3.

Tips:
Read toddler a book while making eye contact with the baby
Songs and nursery rhymes will entertain both of them
Have a stash of emergency entertainments (books, games etc)
Sticker books are easy and fun while breastfeeding
Accept you can't give dc1 same experience as before. It's not like you can pretend the baby's not there
Explain the baby's needs as 'dc2 needs milk' not they want/I'm giving etc - make it clear it's not optional and you're not choosing one over the other
Sometimes see to dc1 and tell baby 'I'll pick you up when I've done x for toddler' - for toddler benefit so they see it cuts both ways

I know that's not exactly a day in the life. Today we went to a play session and the doctor's and the park, I lost my mind approx 5 times and snapped about 3 times at dd. She's experimenting with hitting to get attention

Dç3 is 9 weeks old and still a velcro baby - he won't settle lying flat at all due to wind. He lives in the sling so I can run around after my 2.9 and 4.5 year olds - with a good sling you can dress and feed the older ones with the baby in it. Even with a good sling it still makes my back hurt though but there isn't an alternative at the moment, I'm desperately looking forward to DC3 being able to sit up...

I go out to church toddler playgroups 2 mornings a week with the baby and the 2.9 year old - both have plenty of volunteers who love providing an extra pair of hands when I need them. The stimulation then makes my 2.9 year old much easier to deal with in the afternoon - she's much happier to play by herself for short moments.

I go to the library so we have a fresh books in for me to read to the older DC while I'm feeding.

I batch cook at the weekend so I don't have to cook on weekday evenings unless it's something easy like sausages.

My mantra was simply 'Everyone fed. No one dead'. Anything more than that was a bonus.

If you can possibly afford a cleaner then do it. Even if it's just for a couple of hours a fortnight.

I feel for you OP it is hellish, I don't t feel like anything can prepare you for it!

The best thing I find is getting out of the house for the majority of the day and a baby sling. Baby is just happy taking everything in and toddler is occupied.

I'm 6 months in now and DD2 sitting, although it is still so bloody hard can't start to see it paying off a bit now, the girls adore each other xxx

The HV visited today and she recommended comfort milk as baby seemed to be taking in a lot of air in feeds, trumping a lot and it was difficult for me to wind her even when the HV was there.
She also recommended that I start leaving her in her Moses basket for periods in the day to get her used to it, because essentially she's been in someone's arms since she was born.
So I shall try all that, and if I can't find my sling, hire one as someone mentioned above.

I find it so helpful reading through everyone's typical day though, it really does give me ideas of how to structure mine

When DC1 was 23 months and DC2 was 2 weeks old we moved into temporary accommodation at DH's workplace. It was a shitty, dirty flat on the 2nd floor with no lift. We went all day every day! Got baby dressed while DH was still there in the morning, got toddler dressed after breakfast and out and about for 9 every day. Usually some kind of walk into town to church playgroup/library/free museum. Lunch of sandwiches if I'd been prepared enough and it was nice weather otherwise otherwise cheap cafe then a big walk for nap time then playground or shops with a babychinno stop in the afternoon and home for about 4.30 to make toddler tea.

Bit different because toddler was still napping. He's still sometimes napping at more than 3 and a half.