Feeling low, no one to talk to

[TJworried]

As title says... I have suffered severely from depression for most of my life due to issues from my childhood. It got worse after the birth of my daughter 14 years ago. Been on highest dose of antidepressants since then. Had several rounds of counselling from CBT to EMDR. Each time I do feel better but something happens and I become low again. I also suffer from several physical health issues. I work full time and am constantly exhausted. DP does so much for me. He is amazing. So is my daughter. She is mature beyond her years, probably due to what she has been through with me. I also suffer from severe anxiety. Social anxiety is really bad. I rarely go out and have few friends. Those I do have, have already spent time helping me and I don’t feel I can open up to them. They have their own problems. I recognise in myself that I’m falling deeper and deeper. I don’t have anyone in RL I can talk to and I’m not sure what to do.

Talk to me. I am listening. I have just been diagnosed with depression today but am a good listener. Is that because you work so much you have no friends in RL?

Hello
Sorry you’re feeling so low. I understand just how tough it can feel when it’s been so long but you sound like you have been trying to help yourself and get the right help, well done. That can be hard in itself!
I think when things come from our childhood they are so within us that it’s bloody difficult to get past! But that’s ok. Some things just take longer than others.
You sound like you have a wonderful family.
In what ways do you feel like you’re falling deeper? With depression? Or anxiety? Or something else?
And how does the anxiety and social anxiety affect your work? Could you reduce your hours even if just for a while? Or take some time off? Maybe it would help your mental health and your physical health which may in turn also help your mental health.

Thanks for replies.
Monnalisa sorry to hear you have been diagnosed to.
No chance of reducing hours due to monthly outgoings.
Falling further into a black hole of depression.
Can’t say much else in case it’s outing.

@TJworried that’s a shame, do you find that work is contributing to the depression? If so maybe just a bit of time off if you have it to spare.
I’m so sorry that you’re feeling this way.
Have you spoken to your DP about the way you’re feeling?
I used to feel the same as you regarding talking to people in RL and not wanting to burden them but slowly (very) I am learning to open up and talk to the people closest to me and they are amazing. It’s just learning to help yourself as much as possible but talking to them if you really need to.
Easier said than done, I’m 31 and it’s taken me this long to even attempt it!
Are you doing anything self care wise? It doesn’t have to be anything big at all. Sleeping and eating well are the main priorities and then after that little things that make you feel good or just peaceful?
There are also mental health services you can access across the country (presuming you are in the UK) on the NHS. Some you’d need to see a gp for but some you can self refer depending on your area.