Infertility - how do you cope?

[Mooey89]

TTC number 2 for a year. Had a Chemical preg in June. Realised it wasn’t going to stick just before my close friend announced her pregnancy.
My other friend is now 5 months.
I’m sad every single month. It occupies almost every thought in some way.

My best friend has just asked me if the faint second line on her test means pregnant
I can’t stop crying. I am so happy for my friends and I want to be able share this with them but I am sad and bitter.

I need to be able to find a way to deal with this because honestly I am so depressed I don’t think I can cope much longer

I'm so sorry, Mooey but am I correct to believe, from what you say, you do have a child? If you do, enjoy that child because you have what lots of people don't.

You may become pregnant again, Mooey, especially if there is no real reason not to. Please try to relax, anxiety can affect fertility.

Bless you

I understand OP - Secondary infertility is just as bad as primary infertility (I know as I've had both)

I've had 5 mc and 2 ruptured ectopics and 1 failed cycle of ivf (and the 2nd not going great either) since DC1 and now permanently infertile. It does get better. It doesn't consume me the way it did before but not going to lie - I still get upset when I see sibling groups or pregnant women. I'm not sure that will ever go away.

DC1 is now of an age where they are starting to ask about babies and when they're going to have a brother/sister - I'm not sure I'm going to have coping mechanisms for that for a long time. Maybe not even until DC is old enough to understand how much we really did try

@itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted
Thank you so much for taking the time to reply.
I’m so sorry for your losses.

I find the platitude of ‘oh well at least you have one’ particularly unhelpful, although I know I’m very lucky to have my dS.
He’s 6 now and I had him with a different dad. I’m older now and I have PCOS and looks like I’m not ovulating.

We’re about to start looking into the next steps - DH is waiting on a referral for sperm analysis so we’ll see.

@Rachelover60
I’m sorry that was so snappy - I know you mean well, but it’s the second time today I’ve heard it and I’m feeling over sensitive thank you for replying x

@Mooey89
I hate being told it too

Not long ago whilst at a GP appointment I broke down when the lovely doctor said that to her secondary infertility is in many ways ways worse. Once you have a DC you know what you are missing when you want but can't have more. You know what motherhood feels like and sounds like. You have a constant reminder running round of what you might never have again. You look at your DC and imagine what a sibling might look like whether they'd be more like you or DH this time and how they'd play together
It was the first time i had spoken to someone who just "got it" - the way I was feeling - that someone was missing from our family and I just couldn't find them x