For background, I have had anxiety since I was a child, I just want to see if my reactions to recent horrible events are “normal”.
A few weeks ago my workplace burnt to the ground. It was a large workplace so a big team was dispersed. Although jobs were secure, it completely disrupted routine and I usually use routine as a coping mechanism. I have no guaranteed hours, routine or role anymore. I don’t work with my friends
Anymore. The role I have been pushed into is harder than the one I was doing before and I can’t “switch off” when I get home.
A counsellor was provided to talk to me and colleagues about the incident. I felt i was ok before this but on the day I broke down having a chat to the counsellor. I felt like I was sliding into anxiety again. She was worried about me and wanted me to get signed off. My manager laughed this off, they all thought I was fine. I didn’t go to the GP. My husband has no concept of my anxiety and thinks I overreact.
A few weeks later and I have just this past week lost a grandparent to an illness lasting less than 48 hours. I watched them die and listened to relatives howling at the bedside. I am stunned. I feel numb and exhausted. I don’t want to do anything, my head has ached for a week. I am entitled to only one days compassionate leave so I have to work. I just don’t know how to juggle all these things happening. My brain won’t process it. My family look at me like I’m an alien because I haven’t cried properly. I’m absorbing my grief and theirs like a sponge.
Sorry for waffling on but I just don’t know anymore if the way I react to things is normal, I’ve lost myself.