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Original poster

Why women?

13 replies

GlitterSparkle85 · 29/09/2019 15:39

Just wanted to vent-when did It become the female role to look after all things children related booking appointments sorting out uniform buying all birthday gifts xmas/party gifts etc.for his family too aswell as your own?I'm all for equality when do females get a break?when did It become "our jobs"to do this aswell as work full time?dont get me wrong hubby does all the cooking. Why did it become this way?

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Original poster
GlitterSparkle85 · 29/09/2019 15:40

This not a sexist post just a vent I do have a happy marriage before anyone asks lol!

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NerrSnerr · 29/09/2019 15:49

It's not like that for many of the people I know, but it is for a few. When my husband and I first moved in together we shared the housework and admin based on what we preferred doing. It has stayed that way and works there. He does most of the cooking, I do most of the washing, he does most of the financial admin, I do most of the children admin. We do share it though depending on who is busy (or if one of us is away).

It's not my job to do more than my share. I have never bought any presents or cards for his family, I never took over doing it so he does it.

Echobelly · 29/09/2019 15:52

I have stopped doing that kind of stuff for DH's family on the whole - he never asked, and he does do it himself sometimes, but I hate gaps in things and MIL,for example, gets shitty if her birthday is forgotten. OTOH I've mainly decided that while I may remind, I'm not going to make efforts to make things happen, as it is his side, not mine.

pottedshrimps · 29/09/2019 15:53

Traditionally, women used to stay home and do the childcare and men went out to work.

In my experience, if a man doesn't want to do something, it doesn't get done so if a woman cares about these details, she has to just crack on and do it herself. Housework strikes don't work either because the man will just live in shit and not even worry about it.

MeggyMeg · 29/09/2019 15:56

Because you allow it. Sorry to sound harsh, but it's true. His family = he buys the cards and presents. If they're missed its for him to explain.

Kids stuff = share. You might need to facilitate this to start with ,but once its 'normal' it will just happen.

I speak from experience Wink

I stopped buying DHs family and told him I was doing so. SIL very quickly complained the first time her daughter was forgotten. Directed at me of course.Hmm I just turned to DH 'oh dear you forgot to send x her card'. It never happened again.

tinytemper66 · 29/09/2019 16:02

I have never bought a card or present of any of my husband's family. I do it for my family only. I have been married nearly 30 years and doubt I will break a habit of a lifetime.
If he wanted then to have a card etc he would have done it himself.

jennymanara · 29/09/2019 16:51

It is because women used to work part-time or be SAHM and so did all this stuff. When more women started to work full-time it would be common for husbands to say - I will let you work as long as you still do the housework and childcare. More recently women have pushed back and men do more. But very very few families have men who genuinely do their share.

Hedgehogblues · 29/09/2019 16:53

Get a better partner

Sn0tnose · 29/09/2019 17:13

MeggyMeg is right. Remind him that you’re his wife, not his secretary or his personal shopper, so he’ll need to pull his weight from now on.

Thatagain · 29/09/2019 17:43

It doesn't stop vent on and on vent for me and my DD and my Mil and my sil it does not stop. Men will let or get you to do everything possible if they can. Sneak out for 5 minutes if you can. Maybe don't go back I do feel like that sometimes. Sorry I know I have a S dh

Original poster
GlitterSparkle85 · 29/09/2019 19:53

No partner is great otherwise I think you're right @pottedshrimps and @MeggyMeg if you dont do it it's not done but I love that you turned around and said oh you didn't but X a card brilliant! I'm super organised and have stuff done months in advance so partly my fault for "allowing it"

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mbosnz · 29/09/2019 19:59

Didn't happen in this household. When we first moved in together, I made it very clear that I didn't expect him to remember my family's important dates, buy them birthday and Christmas cards and presents - and I sure as hell wouldn't be doing it for his family.

When we had children, I made it clear that they were both our business, and our problems, and we'd be doing all the birthday and Christmas etc planning together.

These things didn't change regardless of my employment status. He still has the same responsibilities to his family and his children. As I do to my family and my children.

Original poster
GlitterSparkle85 · 29/09/2019 20:07

Well maybe I need to put my foot down then!Grin not that it will bother him to do it it just wont be done in my time lol!easier for me anyway less children my side!XWink

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