Experiences of returning to work after a long break

[FeelingUseless100]

I’m feeling pretty despondent. I’m rounding on six years being out of my old career after having three kids in a short period. Just getting to the point where I’m feeling excited about earning decent money again, and getting some identity back aside from being a SAHM.

I have done bits and pieces of study and a bit of minimally paid freelance in the last six years to try and not get totally out of touch. But it’s just suddenly hit me I can’t go back to what I was doing. I’m six years out of date, have no network and no credibility. I talk a good game but I’ve realised it’s all blag, any client would see through me in a second.

My confidence is in the toilet, having realised the sheer fantasy of even getting a decent career back. I’m early 40s too and don’t have a penny of savings left (DH high earning but any money I had has gone into house purchases etc.) so I can’t retrain unless there was a solid financial case to use “family money” for training, and I’d have to do it school hours only as couldn’t pay childcare on top.

Any positive stories of returning to a great career after a long break? Any tips or advice on how you did it? I feel totally lost but unwilling to just trash 20 years work experience and work in Starbucks, or the equivalent.

Hi OP, similar to you I had a well paid professional job before having about five years off. Now that my DC are in school I have started working part time in a similar industry but doing a very specific task. I'm paid by the hour and don't have my own clients or anything, so it's a job I can just pick up and put down. When my DC are older I'll hopefully have the option to step up and do something a bit more interesting again. Could it be an option for you to take a step back, but in the same industry, so that you don't have to retrain?
If you did decide to retrain, I think using "family money" to do so would be completely justified. After all, you have contributed just as much as your DH by providing all the childcare and by enabling him to further his career.

Thanks Random DH is generally very supportive, BUT says funding a three year degree to retrain, plus the years in an entry level job isn’t justifiable at this stage. It could be another 6-7 years before I could even partially pay back the cost.

I’ve looked into diplomas which could allow me to use some of my previous experience but I wonder if I’m deluding myself and it’d just be several thousand pounds of ‘vanity’.

My difficulty in doing something lower paid for a while, is my childcare bill for a full working day is around £120 per day (a bit less when the two year old gets some free hours). I’d have to earn £40k p/a to break even really. I used to earn a high day rate but my specialism only really pays at a senior level.

Following as in a similar position OP. I'm trying to get my head around paying £40k for another university degree to earn £22k after qualifying and unlikely to go above £30k unless management.

Yes dreaming! Those are the exact maths that just aren’t going to add up to financial sense, in my case anyway :-(

DH’s confidence that “you’ll just walk into a good job once their all at school, don’t worry!” is lovely but feels completely unrealistic. It’s another two years until they are all at school. Eight year CV gap. Still a childcare bill of c£90 per day for wraparound care (wraparound nannies are like hen’s teeth around here, school club is neither early nor late enough)

*they’re

Bump! Anyone got the answer 😄

could you slightly indicate which field you are in? I'm in STEM if that helps

I feel your pain OP.

Four years out of the workplace here and probably another year to go until I can afford to go back; we have no cheap childcare available and I can't earn enough to cover day care costs. DP is self employed (and the much higher earner) so not worth him reducing his hours.

I was made redundant when I tried to go back after maternity leave and whilst it was a relief at the time, looking back it was the worst thing that could have happened for my career and self confidence.

Like you, I'm now at the point where I either take more time for some study which will actually qualify me for something, or try to do something which needs less qualifications but is child-friendly - basic admin/ customer service work, for example.

At the moment I only get an hour here and there, I'm trying to get into paid surveys so I can earn a few extra quid for Christmas! I'm looking at something like this for later: takenotetyping.com/careers/, would that be any use for you?

I think your best bet is getting back into your old field. Any supportive networks that you could get into?

Can you look at volunteer in some places, keep looking at local libraries or charities where you get experience but not paid but can then use that to get into job. It can be slow but worth it and also give you a sense of what you can do without pressure.

Forgot to add I took a break for 3 years and then got back and did something for a friends for free. Only took a small fee for travel and she offered flexibility around timing so I worked in school time (Software development)

I was out for 12 years, having previous worked in marketing in financial services.
I had 4 dc, with 2 having SN. We had plannned to go back to our home country and I’d start working after first dc, but we just stayed in the UK. Life is hectic and difficult and I knew I could only work part time. So I retrained as Ta working 20h pw. I earn way less than 14 years ago, but it’s a good balance and I’m around for dc (one in particular needs lots of support at home).

You can do it, don’t let your head trash hold you back.

I returned after 7 years, I copied Elon Musk’s CV, a great visual format, that must have stood out in a pile. I interviewed well and returned to a salary increase. I am still there 2 years on, the first 6 months was exhausting. I love it!

Go for it, do your CV and put yourself out there.

I could have written OP...except it was 7 yrs out before I started job hunting.
I started back in meantime in a few supply status min. wage jobs, just to get my confidence back, in nursery/school hours so didn't have to pay for childcare.

I had to go thru a process of redefining what my skillset was. What kind of jobs was I looking for? That took 5-6 months of active job hunting. Then another 5 months before I actually got interviews & started work. I was willing to start at the bottom of the career ladder. This didn't bother me. So I went for much lower status jobs than I had been on before career break.

Once employed again, took 4-5 yrs to get back to my former salary point. Then I even jumped industry (may jump back, though).

So YES it can be done. May need a bit of redefinition. I lucked out in that DH's company was self-destructing just when I finally got interviews; he was burnt out, resigned to avoid being pushed & he wanted to become a house husband (later a WAHD) so childcare solved itself.

Thanks for all the replies! I feel comforted that it’s possible 😊

To indicate my old line of work, I used to to consultancy in a “niche” industry. The skills are definitely transferable to other industries, but an employer would need a lot of imagination and confidence in me to take the chance I could get up to speed. I’ve looked at returners programmes at KPMG etc. and I think I’d be laughed out of the room TBH, there are much more qualified women looking to return.

I can’t really take a min wage or unpaid stint at the moment due to childcare costs. I could probably do that in a year’s time during nursery hours, but it seems like a long road.

At the moment I feel like I need to go hard, or go (stay!) home. I at least want to break even once incurring childcare expenses.

Has anyone used a career coach/executive coach to try and get ideas and a bit of confidence back? I could ask for sessions for Christmas presents...

It absolutely is possible. Sounds like you have great skills.
I went back to work after 5 years - intellectual and social confidence in tatters. I had skills which were transferable and highly sought. I avoid for one job that was perfect in every way and got it despite giving the shittiest interview of my life. I apologized for my performance and said 5 years is a long time to be out of work. My interviewer said I’d been doing the most important job in the world ie raising my child. By some miracle, I got it and still here. I hit the ground running and realized 5 years out didn’t atrophy my brain too much. Go for it. Companies are starting to realize they need to attract women back to the workforce. You can do it!

*I applied