Do you ever feel looked over, under-qualified for "promotion", or like you just aren't enough? Do you ever look at others and think how much they have "it" together and you are just stuck here in the middle of nowhere not able to move forward, scared to move backwards and just generally unsure of where you are going in life?
In every job I've been in I've felt under-qualified and like someone else really should be doing what I'm doing. In every leadership role I've been privileged to be in, I've felt like there are loads of others who could do "this" better than me. Every time I've been given the microphone to speak publicly I've been gripped with fear and thoughts of - why the heck am I here because there are so many more eloquent people out there who could do this so much better than me.
This might all sound really negative but the thing is, I am actually a confident person. I love taking opportunities and running with them. And I have done that with every job that I've been given, and with every leadership role I've been in. But there are always these little niggling thoughts in the back of my head saying "you shouldn't be here because you aren't qualified for this. someone else should be doing this instead". I haven't got that title that allows me to be here. I try not to give those thoughts a foothold in my life but sometimes that is harder than I think it really should be.
Titles are funny thing though aren't they. You get asked on various forms that you have to fill out - what's your title? I always put Mrs. But I sometimes want to put other things just for laughs because in a title people think that they know you. There isn't a title out there that can sum up who I am in one word.
Some of my titles are:
Mum
Wife
Daughter
Sister
Employee
Friend
Christian
Foe (to some potentially but hopefully not too many ha!)
Scorpio :) - just for all of the people out there who like a good star sign
Vice Chair of the Friends of group for my son's school - which for anyone who doesn't know is the political world of schools as I found out recently
Coach
Blogger
Teacher
Public Speaker
Loved
More than enough
Brave
Broken
Not enough
Crushed
Anxious
Fat
There are so many "titles" or labels that we can pick. I've listed just a few that I can think of but there are so many both good, bad and indifferent that we could put on ourselves. Sometimes titles help people - like a job title. These titles help people to know what you do but they don't tell other WHO you are. A lot time people take the WHAT you do to be WHO you are. Things like - you are just a mum, you are just a wife, you are just a student, you are just a finance manager, you are just a builder, you are just a teacher, you are just... I mean if you think about it, one of the first few questions we ask people when we first meet them is - what do you do?
And the thing is, I am some of these things! I mean, I am a mum. I am a wife. I am a blogger. I am the Vice Chair of the Friends of group. But these title don't define me. I guess I would rather be untitled by everyone else's standards.
This is because everyone tries to tell you who you are but if you don't have a title then how do they know who you are? Well, for those that are close to you they will know that you are more than your title. You are more than what people say you are. You are more than your illness, more than your job, more than your shame, more than what you say you are and more than what other say you are.
And for those that don't know you, well, if you didn't have a title then I guess they would have to invest some time into your relationship to find out. Just as you would have to with them. Relationships are a two way thing. You can't invest into someone if they won't do the same thing back to you. If you are investing into someone and keeping open house with them then they will get to know you and you will get to know them.
I love the concept of keeping open house. To me, this is opening up your lives - your whole lives - not just the part that you want people to see. This is opening up every part of your life to people - the messy, the amazing, the boring, everything. Allowing them to see the crazy that is your life. Helping them to see that everyone is a little bonkers and that this is actually just "normal". Being open with people, to me, should be allowing them to be apart of your life. It's about including people into your ordinary, everyday.
When we have friends over, I love it when they just help themselves to stuff in our home. When they feel that they don't have to ask permission to get to something, that they feel comfortable in our relationship that they can just help themselves to something, comfortable enough to just play with our kids, to grab a drink from the fridge, to open the bottle of wine that is sat on the table, to eat the food that is out without asking. I love it when our friends can speak openly and honestly because this is real relationship and friendship. Having friends who don't feel comfortable to do those things with you or in your home means that you aren't "keeping open house" with them because they can't speak or do anything without permission.
I guess if we strip back the titles, and we look at the person behind it all it, that is when we start to find our real selves. That is when we start to see the Really Real Bekkie, the Really Real You. I want to live my life untitled and open. I want to build relationships with people where they are not for personal gain but they are just a genuine love for each other.
I want to live my life unfiltered.