Is this bad form?

[qwert9876]

My MIL is staying. She does my head in. She's not a bad person but she's highly irritating. She witters. You can't have a conversation with her as she counters everything you say, even if you're agreeing with the point she just made - she then argues the opposite. It's exhausting. I have no small talk left. It's barely been 48 hours and she's here for weeks.

I'm not a particularly sociable or chatty person but I am a good listener. I'm just drained by her inane wittering round and round in circles. I just smile and nod, smile and nod. After two hours of it yesterday I went to bed. But it was clearly early and she was not ready for bed so it may have appeared rude.

DH is different when she's around too. Negative about the kids. Takes the piss out of me to make her laugh at me.

So I'm finding any excuse to be out of the house and away from her. --

I don't have a particularly positive relationship with my own DM, so I really don't have the energy to invest in this relationship. I have my own irritating DM to suffer, so I don't have it in me to cope with her.

So - finding any excuse to be away from her as a tactic for staying sane and keeping the peace - is that okay?

I have massive guilt about my failing relationship with my own mother and my inability to cope with. I can't handle guilt over MIL too.

Tell me if I'm okay to hide? Or should I find a better coping strategy?

No, hide if you need to!

-DH is different when she's around too. Negative about the kids. Takes the piss out of me to make her laugh at me.

That's not cricket and he should quit, especially as he's asking you to host his mum for weeks.

Why is she staying for weeks? My in-laws are lovely but I couldn't cope with them staying for weeks. A couple of days maybe.

When she leaves I would be sending dh with her. You aren't a fucking clown op.
What a twat tbh.

Announce that you’re becoming a naturist. That should have her heading home.

Ha - I think I'm probably a fucking twat when I'm around my DM I'm feeling quite forgiving about DH's behaviour but it's good you both pointed it out as the biggest concern...

We live in different countries hence the length of stay.

I've read so many MIL threads on here. I'm sorry to be such a cliche

@Soola she probably wouldn't even notice she's so wrapped up in herself

Oh absolutely, hide. I'll be doing the same myself in a couple of weeks. Make yourself scarce and let them deal with each other.

Dh does the same thing when his parents are around. I can see the way he speaks to/about me makes them uncomfortable too. I don't think he means it but his social skills really aren't great.

Yeah make yourself scarce ! If they pick up on it just say they don't get to see each other often so u wanted them to get quality time together

Just coming back for a rant/vent

MIL poked my 4yo's belly after lunch and said how big it was after all she'd eaten. I tried to keep it light and said smiling said I don't want dd having negative associations with food and eating. Both MIL and SIL have odd relationship with food and I don't want this rubbing off on my dd. Grrr.

DH is again playing billy big bollocks in front of her, swaggering around like a fucking CEO of a multinational. He's great at his job and highly regarded in his field, but he's making himself out to be some sort of alpha male big spending knob. It's just not him. He's ostentatiously doing 'work' on his laptop (he never does work on the weekend) and again leaving me with his wittering dm.

I can't breathe. There's no escape.

Quick flick of the fuse box off. Remind dh his dm is here and he is being rude and a knob..

Er yes, it's HIS mother who's here! "Working" on his laptop - is that meant to impress her? By ignoring her? He needs to step up. Can you imagine leaving him interacting with your own DM while you show off?

Do what you need to do to cope with her. My mil is lovely but she never picks up on cues that I don’t want to talk about a particular subject (ie. a detailed conversation about my curtain choices at 9.30 at night when I’m trying to relax after the kids are in bed) so I tend to go to bed early when she visits or when I’m at hers just so I can have some quiet time to myself.

Christ, how on earth are you going to survive that for two weeks.

First off I'd tell your husband if he doesn't dial in down big time and stop behaving like a complete moron, that you will be heading off to visit anyone, anywhere, leaving him with children and MIL for the full weekend.

I would nod for a bit and plead a headache, daily.

Wear discreet headphones to help with the headaches.

Retire to bed early.
Tell your husband he had better be home from work promptly or early if possible.

She sounds horrendous.
Your husband didn't lick it off a stone by all accounts!

Also, some years ago, I had an old friend visit. Hadn't seen her in years and she had become massive high maintenance during those years.

Anyway a good bottle of red wine every night of the visit, definitely eased the pain for me.

Pretend youre ill its the only way! Sudden illness, headache whatever and hide in the bedroom with the kids.

Sounds like my relationship with MIL.. Smile and nod, MIL is a nightmare here, can be ok (very occasionally) but then comes out with the stupidest stuff or ruins what she says. One afternoon every 3/4 weeks is fine for me (and it's me who bloody suggests seeing her as DS barely knows who she is).

Your DH has to stop that, my DH use to do it, and she'd join in. It would cause hundreds of arguments, so many times I'd come back in the car absolutely fuming. He just stopped one day, don't know if it was a combo of me telling him it hurt me and it made me not want to visit or he just grew up.