Posting here instead of contacting an ex

[sureitsgrand]

Had a few gins. Met up with a work contact today who ended up telling me about a break of of an abusive relationship, which descended into stalking. I went through similar 12 ish years ago. Spoke about it and hope I helped her.
Came home, drank a bottle of wine and now looking up my abusive ex on fb. He's married with a child. He's perused a career that I always said he should, but he didn't believe he could. He's tried to reach out over the last decade and I've blocked him every time. I'm tipsy now and feel like maybe he wasnt that bad. He had a bad family life. I was dramatic. He controlled me, put me down, pushed me on the floor while I was pregnant, drank alot and used to scream at me most weekends. But maybe it was because of drink, and the drama of your twenties? My friends still seem to think he's ok . I cant believe talking to this friend and supporting her today has left me wide open wanting to talk to him and resolve things. I know he's not capable of that? But he's married with a child. Maybe he's turned his life around? And I'm being a bitch. Or am I just practicing self care?
I want to know. I want to speak to him after all these years. But I'm posting here instead. Please dont be hard on me. I feel like I've travelled back in time and need his approval again?

No, don't do it. He's an ex for a very good reason by the sounds of it.

Go to bed. In the morning you'll be glad you didn't contact him.

Abusive men don't change.

Stay strong, OP

What purpose would contacting him serve?

likely it will be bad for you, and maybe also for his wife and child.
Just don't go there.

sorry that helping your friend has evidently opened up old wounds.

Thanks for reply. Yep, I told her the same thing today. They dont change.
I'm married, mostly happily with two amazing kids. It will do me no good to contact him. He's bad news. But after helping her, I feel suddenly back there. Isnt that crazy?

Contacting him would serve no purpose. Thank god I posted here instead. And no one has been horrible. I hope he's nice to his wife. I hope she changed him. If not.... .she's fucked

Added him on fb and he's accepted. Fuck.

Go back and delete him. You don't need to talk to an abusive ex when you are married to someone who I'm guessing is better. Think of your husband and your little family, don't go backwards you deserve better.

Just delete him and block him then put it out of your mind. It sounds like Pandora's box and nothing will be gained from speaking to him. If you're hoping for remorse or answers from him I doubt you'll get any closure. At best he could say he was a younger, abusive, alcohol fuelled fuckwit - and then what? A sorry won't make you feel better or take away his past actions. It's not like you'll become best buddies and meet up for reminiscing about it.

Nooooooo OP stop stop stop stop.

Go back and delete him. Then block him. Then turn your phone off, put it downstairs and go to bed. This can only end badly. Or humiliatingly. You don't need this shit.

You can have a nose on his profile to satisfy your curiosity and then block him again.

Agree with everything thats been said block him - then forget about him. And check your FB privacy settings.

That's what alcohol can do, you do things that you regret in the morning.

BTW how would you feel if your dh wanted to speak to an ex and FB friended them?

Do your friends know he was abusive?