Still upset a week later by another mother’s behaviour

[Mummyoflittledragon]

My dd (11) goes horse riding most weeks. Dd had a lot of time off due to my chronic illness and major operations and I struggle to drive her there, let alone watch. So she’s really been through the mill with a disabled mummy.

Three weeks ago dd had a horse badly play up, frighten her and the teacher told her she could choose any horse she wanted on the next jumping lesson (last week). So she did.

Another child’s mother arrived and started whispering with the two other mothers then loudly complained to the teacher that her dd had been promised this horse. This has occasionally happened to dd btw but the child, who’s been badly frightened always takes precedent.

The teacher didn’t explain the score as he considers this demanding ridiculous - he and I have discussed this in the past. I was too ill to explain the situation and my intervention would have left me with not enough energy to walk to the car and I needed to conserve energy for the drive home so a rest was required first. I told dd I was going to the car and left. Despite previously telling the other mothers how unwell I am, they ignored me and from this reaction and the looks, I felt very uncomfortable.

Dd said after I left, the girl rode up to her and told her she should be riding the horse. Dd also said the mothers applauded and encouraged each other’s children (as a group) and ignored my dd. As a result dd was upset during the lesson, had another difficult ride and came back in floods of tears.

It’s the sort of thing that happens from time to time because I’m chronically ill and disabled. Especially with pfb parents. But this time I am really upset and felt bullied. So did dd. I know a lot of this is because I have a nasty cough / cold.

Any kind words please. Right now, I really want to text the mother. I have her number.

They sound a bunch of insensitive bullies. Wouldn’t lower myself to text the mum. Teacher should be firmer with the other parents.

No, dont text her, it won’t help at all
They sound bloody awful and I’m sorry you and your DD had to put up with this but it sounds like at least The Teacher was firm.

Thanks for the responses. I know it won’t help to text her. She’s a friend of a friend and the girls coincidentally ride together.

I tried to get a play date with the girl, hence why I have the mothers number. That never materialised. I think she has an issue is with me. I have no idea what it is.

There’s going to be a lot of adjustment when the child goes to secondary!

Don’t contact the mother.

The instructor gave the horse to your daughter and didn’t give in to the other mother.

Thanks. I won’t. He must get pretty pissed off with these parents, who think their kids are the centre of the show. Meanwhile he’s making sure the whole school is running and the horses fit and healthy etc.

Not surprised you are upset, the mother and daughter are a pair of bullies. Don’t text or contact the mother because that is exactly what she wants you to do. It will add fuel to the fire of the drama she is trying to create. Probably with the goal of getting you and your dd to leave.
Best way is to ignore her because you have the instructor and school in your corner. If she eggs on her dd too far or oversteps, the instructor and school will ask them to leave. For it to not be both of you being asked to leave, you need to stay completely squeaky clean. Don’t text or call or contact her ever. If she has something to say, she can say it to your face in front of witnesses....preferably including a riding school staff member....

Gosh DoctorA I don’t think it’s that bad. She and her husband do go around with what feels like a superior air. Dh goes a lot more than me atm. He says the women are always the same and he stays away from them tbh. I think I just need to do the same. It’s a shame because I thought I’d get to socialise a bit with them whilst the kids are riding.

Don't text her, there's no point. The teacher was right.
Do you really have to stay at the stables while your daughter has the lesson?

Rachel
With the ages of the children and especially with dd, who has a medical condition, it is better for parents to be there. They’re not riding dobbins anymore and if dd falls off because the horse plays up or spooks, she’s going to want me, potentially need me close by. It’s also too far for me to go and return.

And yes, I can see why the teacher doesn’t bother explaining. Just holds his ground. If you want a specific horse there are two ways to go about that, buy one or book a private lesson.

I used to livery my horse at a riding school my kids learned to ride at. The mothers were bloody awful. We had complaints about who got what pony, one granny trying to physically take my five year old off a shetland because her granddaughter liked him and got him every week and the final straw was another mother loudly complaining that because my daughter was four years younger than hers and in her daughter's class, HER daughter should be moved to a more advanced group (the instructor explaining that it was ability and not age that determined the group cut no ice). My daughter ended up in tears listening to this woman shriek about her by the side of the arena. I moved both of them into a private lesson, just the two of them, at the weekend. Made all our lives so much easier. I don't know what it is about riding schools but there is a horrible cliquishness to some of the mum's there. Don't expect anything from them OP and if your daughter is being bullied by their brats, have a word with the instructor.

krusty
Okaaaay. That’s batshit. I would dearly love for dd to do private lessons. She hates them because she only wants to do stuff with other children. I’ve heard quite a few stories about parents, who livery their horses at the stables.

My friend, who I met when our children were in the same class says her ds much prefers them. She does too away from the bullshit and competitiveness. I’ve been to horse trials, I realise no child at these stables is ever going to be competing at professional level. So why be competitive when this is clearly for fun. 🤷‍♀️

I get it, mummy. Presumably there's a car park and you could sit in the car and read or listen to radio while she rides, then you wouldn't have to attempt social intercourse with other (dreadful) parents.

Just seen your response... Yes, that’s it. 😁