Would you speak to the teacher about this?

[Duckegg271]

DS is year 6 age 11. He’s really struggling with the change from year 5. First thing he says when he wakes is that he doesn’t want to go to school. We’ve had a few big meltdowns over it. He’s struggling with the threat of detention (even though he’s a good lad), he thinks the teacher doesn’t like him. A few things that are upsetting him

-teacher ripping pages out of his book if it’s not neat enough (he does try his best to be neat)
-spelling tests repeated the next day if they don’t get 10/15 (again despite him trying his best)
-detention if homework isn’t in on time and they have to read 6 times a week (he was given detention last week, he had done his homework but we both forgot it was the day to hand it in) so he’s fretting about how much he’s read each week.
-his teacher said she didn’t trust him to go with another group of pupils into a different room, he’s taken this to heart.

He is sensitive, he always tries his best and wants to please/do well. I’m torn between telling him to just relax about it all, it doesn’t matter, let it go or going in and saying to the teacher that somethings not right here. He breezed through year 5. It’s upsetting to see him getting upset and not wanting to go in.

Should I give him more time to adjust? There’s a parents meeting usually around the end of October, shall I wait until then?

I'd be thinking the teacher didn't like me too, poor kid! That does seem fairly harsh. Aren't we told we should be appreciating and acknowledging effort, rather than focussing on result? And it does sound like he's really doing his best.

I'd definitely have a word, but don't approach it from the perspective of accusing the teacher of being too strict or harsh on him - you want to get her on-side, let her know how sensitive he is and try to fix things together. My DS had some worries in Y6 and his teacher was mortified when I mentioned them to her - she'd had absolutely no idea and she changed her approach to him and resolved it all pretty much straight away.

Year 6 is tough, the ripping out pages is harsh the the rest is pretty standard in my experience (also have a DS in year 6 and 2 older who've been there obviously)

*but the rest

Maybe you could email the teacher and ask if she's been happy with his behaviour and how he is adapting to year 6 as he is worrying a lot about getting things wrong and getting into trouble and he's not wanting to go to school.

That hopefully isn't a confrontational way of wording it and allows the teacher to give her take on the situation, while still letting her know how he's being affected

It’s so tricky isn’t it. I understand this is preparation for secondary but it’s having a massively negative impact on him. The problem is he absolutely doesn’t want me going in. He really is a good kid, always tries his best. Teachers have never had a bad word to say about him. I’m sure she’s like this with all the kids but DS is taking it personally. She’s known for being really lovely so I’m not sure what’s going on really.

Bless him, he sounds like hes trying but struggling with the change to year six and getting really worried by it all.

With the reading, can you maybe set a reminder on a phone or something, so, if he needs to do 20 minutes say, six times a week, he does it at the same time each day? Help him build routines and habits that mean it's less likely he will forget and then have to worry. The same with the homework, does he have a weekly planner he can consult, maybe a small whiteboard he can scribble on what homework is due what day, and what evening he will be completing it, and have it somewhere you can both see it and check it daily. Eg history homework is always due thursday and will always be done tuesday night. You both will know what he need to be doing and when that way.

Does he also have a quiet space to sit and do homework, and the time in the evenings to focus on it? Giving him some tools to stay organised and space to do the work will help him manage what sounds like a fair bit of anxiety. I would have a chat with the teacher as well though, to see what you and they can do together to support him in the change.

It's absolutely not standard to get detention at all in primary, let alone if a child is trying his best but not meeting arbitrary expectations. I'd definitely be speaking to the teacher, you are not overreacting at all!

Ripping pages out doesn't sound acceptable - or were they calmly removed with an explanation?
Does he feel hès singled out or is teacher like this with other kids?
As it's so out of the ordinary for your DS I'd contact school and request a meeting I think.
Mine like school and are happy to go, I'd be concerned if this started, especially higher up in their school career.
I wouldn't bother trying to get the teacher 'on side'. If they are a good person with any compassion they will understand your concerns. If they are a dick then they'll need telling from a superior.
I worked with a teacher who was a bully. She was a racist cow who mercilessly bullied a black boy in our class - until I reported her. (Sorry for the digression.)

katmarie thanks kat, I think part of the problem has been that the homework ‘rules’ haven’t been explained to us parents. Whereas before there was no consequence for not doing it or it being late,I didn’t realise he’d be put in detention this year. Same with the 6 readings per week.

It drives me potty as he actually loves reading-he’s read all the Harry Potters cover to cover twice. The school reading is an absolute chore, books he’s not interested in.

Also, the weather’s been so nice he’s been playing out after school everyday so we haven’t really got a proper routine going but I will make an effort with that.

I’m hoping he’ll adjust. It’s giving me the fear for how he’ll cope next next year!

Is the detentions he is getting staying in at lunch to complete homework? That was the case at my dcs' primary and was done earlier in KS2 too. One time dd forgot her homework she just said to the teacher "I'll need to redo my homework at lunchtime as I forgot to bring it" which the teacher was fine with. Most schools will give a detention for homework not done in Year 7 so best to help him get it into perspective in year 6. I just said to mine "It's just sitting in a room," so they didn't panic if they got one

I’ve just had a chat with the teacher (phoned during break time). She was lovely, explained that it’s to help with the transition to year 7, said he had nothing to worry about, he’s doing well. He’s in detention again though so I asked her exactly what the rules were in order for me to support him at home. He’ll be upset about that. It’s because he read twice in one day so it only counts as 1 therefore he only read 5 times over the week. She couldn’t remember saying she didn’t trust him but she will speak to him and reassure him that that’s not the case. I’m glad I spoke to her,I think being able to tell DS that she said he’s doing well etc will give him the reassurance he needs. Being a parent to a sensitive child is exhausting.