I feel like everything is a mentally exhausting fight. I had my four children been married for 16 years met in high school. I have gave everything up to keep us going. Husband is a hard worker but bills are rising and its becoming harder and harder.
i have ended up with depression and anxiety - this to me was very sudden and it was a little thing that had me having no clue why i was crying in the rain for over an hour. I spent years being strong for family etc and i finally broke in spectacular fashion a year ago.
i'm not on the house mortgage so i went bankrupt with advice to make living sustainable as i was told im not allowed to work. I struggled with that loss of identity, independence and of course the loss of money. we dont holiday, i have never bought anything new for myself for at least 10 years. husband seems happy in this life of existing when all i feel i despair.
On good day i say i have the family's health and a roof over my head that should be enough; then furiously clean the house to exhaust myself. kids are good they have a nice home and fed i tend to just fall apart silently when alone once everyone is sleeping.
anyone ever feel like its not just one thing that you can say its this? I feel like it is everything. i feel like im not just sacrificing for the short term its been over a decade of...... it will be better in two years. HUsband is supportive but stuck also.
can i just add before i receive harsh comment about having four kids. we planned two and two came as a surprise i was a big girl at the time on the implant (had it in for 6 months at the time) and didn't realised i was pregnant for three months as i had other conditions at took the attention away from any pregnancy symptoms
Kids are happy, well adjusted and active i am proud of the job we have done with them; they are gentle loving people.
I have always worked hard all my life until last year when i took ill. As im going through therapy im told the amount ive been through i should have broken down years ago; but i feel im weak and dont know where to go now.
Im sorry if this is a ramble and disjointed writing but it reflects the thinking thats also disjointed. Just wondering i there are ways of coping ive maybe not encountered or tried. its hard when you dont understand how you have got to this point. My friends are just starting their families now and i have no other mothers to share this with in my life.
Thanks in advance.