Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Taken an instant dislike to someone and can't explain why

18 replies

MrsExpo · 24/09/2019 12:56

Has this ever happened to anyone else?

A couple of weeks ago we had a guy round at the house to do some work (outside). He was doing a similar job at our NDN's house and asked us if wanted ours doing to "while the guys are here", "give you a very good price" etc etc.

After a bit of bartering with DH, he agreed to have the work done.To be fair, the guy and his team (3 other blokes) did the work and did a good job, working on both houses together. The work took two days: the other guys were a friendly, hard working bunch and I had no issues with them.

But I just had an instant, powerful and bad gut reaction to the bloke. I took him in total dislike immediately, didn't like his attitude (very pushy and in-your-face), didn't like the way he spoke to me or looked at me etc.

Nothing inappropriate or offensive was said or done. I'm a perfectly sensible, mature and logical person, normally, who takes people as I find them. This is not like me at all. But when he was here and I had to go out, I made every effort to avoid going near him, and when the bloke came back a few days later for his money (fair enough - he did do the work) I made DH open the door and deal with him. In short, he totally creeped me out for no reason I can explain.

Has anyone else had this happen? (DH thinks i'm being silly and immature!! - please tell me I'm not .....)

OP posts:
Coffeeandchocolate9 · 24/09/2019 12:58

LISTEN TO YOUR INSTINCT!!

Sorry for shouting but you have a powerful feeling. Please don't ignore it. You may never know why you got that sense but you have it, listen to it.

sonjadog · 24/09/2019 13:12

Yes, it has happened to me. I just try to avoid contact with them.

managedmis · 24/09/2019 13:14

YANBU. It's fine, your instinct is there for a reason.

I have the same reaction to one of our neighbours, he is creepy as fuck. Ugh.

Herocomplex · 24/09/2019 13:18

There was a senior police officer on the radio a while ago saying this is really important, and quite often people go against their instinct (often women don’t like offending people) and end up with problems. I’d listen to it.

Mylittlepony374 · 24/09/2019 13:20

100% instincts are to be listened to.
I had this reaction once in my life. Skin literally crawled when around a person, I had to leave any room he was in.
He's now been (credibly I think) accused of abusing children.

Ohdeariedear · 24/09/2019 13:22

Oh yes. I had a job interview once and came out with a really uncomfortable feeling about the interviewer - they were perfectly pleasant but something about them was just a bit off.

Got offered the job, took it thinking ‘oh it’ll be fine....’ - you can guess the rest, they were an absolute NIGHTMARE to work for. Hideous at the time but a very effective life lesson. Now if I get that feeling again, I have no qualms about walking away.

sausagerollsaremydrug · 24/09/2019 13:23

It's horrible when that happens.

I was in the town centre recently with my DC and we were at a seating area near a fountain. It was really quiet and my DC being little were running around trying to catch the pigeons. It was fine until a man came and sat on one of the seats. I don't know what it was about him but I instantly felt he was bad news. He didn't say or do anything to me or DC but even his presence there was making me feel agitated. Luckily he didn't stay long and went away but the feeling I had was awful.

Flower777 · 24/09/2019 13:24

Trust your gut.

NotMyCircusMonkeys · 24/09/2019 13:24

There's a bloke at my work who creeps me out a bit; something about his hair and beard is a bit Ted Bundy esque Confused

ContessaLovesTheSunshine · 24/09/2019 13:31

I.....didn't like his attitude (very pushy and in-your-face), didn't like the way he spoke to me or looked at me etc.

OP, those are all decent visual indicators that he is someone to stay away from. I have often noticed this with people who focus on you not as a person, but as a sort of abstract object/challenge (i.e. a salesman will talk to you and doesn't see you as a person, but as a challenge to beat down). It's the sense that this person does not see you as another person, but as something else altogether. I've also had that sense around men who subsequently tried to assault me; again, I was an object rather than a person.

I always get the overall sense that that person is not seeing me, that they are concealing an ulterior motive and that I should not go near them with a bargepole even if it does mean being impolite. So far that's worked for me.

Butchyrestingface · 24/09/2019 13:35

I took him in total dislike immediately, didn't like his attitude (very pushy and in-your-face), didn't like the way he spoke to me or looked at me etc.

Nothing difficult to explain about that, is it? You’re not worging in to your inner Bran Stark, just reacting to someone’s actual behaviour towards you.

Simples. 🔮

Spice04 · 24/09/2019 13:35

Yep, you have a gut instinct for a reason. Whether this has maybe come from something he said or did that your unconscious has noted?? I made my husband let our window cleaner go, as I had a feeling about him. The dog barked at him too (and he never barks!!) so that was enough for me 😉

mamaoffourdc · 24/09/2019 13:41

I have this with sister in law - just can not stand her

Original poster
MrsExpo · 24/09/2019 13:43

Thanks for the replies. I’m glad it’s not just me.

DH is talking about getting him back to do some more work for us, but I’ve said no very emphatically.

OP posts:
milksoffagain · 24/09/2019 13:47

'The Gift of Fear' by Gavin someone is an interesting read on this topic

Damntheman · 24/09/2019 13:56

Yes I get this too, instinct is there for a reason!

I'd also be very careful about letting people who bang on your door do work for you. I hate the people who do that, it feels really predatory. It happens a lot in my mother's neighbourhood as a lot of the residents there are elderly.

It's always better to shop around yourself for people if you need work doing. Do your research and look at the options, don't just give it to any old random with no references/reviews that knocks on your door! My poor dad got into a world of trouble with some guy who kept knocking wanting to buy the car. My dad was in his 80s with Parkinsons and just couldn't cope and this guy would be back again and again and again, hassling dad until my brother and I finally managed to catch him at it.

Original poster
MrsExpo · 24/09/2019 15:12

Butchyrestingface I get that, but I've met plenty of pushy, annoying people in the past, who i've just dealt with, ignored or whatever. This guy gave me an almost visceral urge to run like hell and never be anywhere near him again. Creepy and quite disturbing.

OP posts:
100PercentThatBitch · 24/09/2019 15:47

I have this at the moment.

A guy started temping at our work and was then offered a 3 day week

From the very beginning I found something about him off putting.

He hasn't done anything BAD, though I've found the way he speaks to a couple of people disconcerting

It's just I'm leaving soon and I fully expect to open a paper one day and see him in it

Not so much an innocent guy as a no ones caught him yet guy

Since the manager took over appointing staff from the owner she has employed duffer after duffer and I can only think she is a very poor judge of character

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread