How can I help my sister?

[HelloDoris]

So today my sister has casually dropped into conversation her work have been late in paying her. It's a complicated situation but she will eventually be paid. She lives alone so only her to support but obviously needs money for bills, rent. food etc.

I have offered to lend her the cash till she is paid she has refused (she is very proud), I can and do want to help. I can afford to lose the money if needed, although I know she will pay me back.

However while I work on convincing her to take the cash (and not get behind in important bills) I need some ideas on how I can help?? Sending a food shop? Paying some bills direct (no idea how/if I can do this).

I live about 150 miles away so not easy to just drop in with bags of food although could do in a couple of weeks time..

Has she said to you that she can't afford food?

I think that, given you have offered financial help and she has refused it, you need to respect her choice.

Is she on PayPal?
If so, just drop the money that way.
Or, do you have her bank details?

I've surprised my sister before with a lump sum by those ways when I knew she was struggling.

It saved the going round in circles beforehand, but I did know she was in need and wouldn't be offended. Just grateful.

Is she definitely short of cash? If work were late paying me it would be annoying but not a disaster.

Do you know if she might have savings and so doesn't need a lend of money?

Sadly she has said she needs to speak to her landlord to move her rent date and she's going to be living on stuff on her cupboards, I don't think I have her bank details to hand, she wont hand them over easily either.

I'll try and call her later to have a chat, this was all done over messenger. She's not one for asking for help normally so I think her admission was a little heads up. Can't force her to take the cash but I can mention it enough so she knows I'm being genuine.

You could send her a cheque in the post with a note saying you never have to talk about it but to please cash it if she needs it. You know she’d so the same for you if you were struggling.

I can do things like give her my Netflix log in and that so she can cancel those things to save cash.

How long until she gets paid?

No one really needs a Netflix login. If she’s really struggling, surely she’ll cancel that without worrying about needing another?

Not sure yet, its stupidly complicated and i have told her to go to HR/Payroll and demand payment, she is not sure that will work but I've told her to give it a go. Trouble is she can be quite stubborn and avoid things if she can't deal with it.

OP, I was thinking the same as you. The very fact she mentioned it was as a hint and you do need to make it easy for her to accept help, if she is embarrassed.
As I've said Ive been there. Too many times, as it happens! But in her own way, she does sound as if she is asking for help if you are willing to give it.

Good luck! You are being a great sister.

You are so sweet op. I love that you are so willing to help. MY brothers have always said to ask if i ever needed money. And i would ask them too. I've never needed to but i know they would. I've also offered to them before. A food shop (or maybe a voucher for a supermarket) might be a nice gesture.

Tell her you don't want to see her struggle and it is just a loan she can pay back when she can. Then just say a when she's back on her feet, it was an early Christmas present so no need to repay.

Don't be a dick, Daisies. Sure nobody NEEDS Neflix, but it can be a nice distraction. Offering netflix to someone is a lovely gesture when you know they'd have to cancel their own.

Those voucher cards for a supermaket so she can do a weekly shop?

Maybe ask her for the rent payment details? She might accept you making a payment on her behalf and then she reimburse you later? I know it’s no different to lending but she may feel more comfortable not actually coming in to contact with the loan IYSWIM.

Id certainly concentrate on her most pressing concerns, like rent, bills etc before doing a food shop.

I've been in tight spots before but rent and bills were my priority. I can eat cheaply if needs must. Bills are not so easy to wrangle.

If she’s refused the money then presumably she doesn’t need it. If her landlord is willing to accept the rent a few days late then there’s not going to be an issue. Tbh, however inessential a Netflix subscription is, it’s unlikely that the £8 she can save next month through using your login is unlikely to help at all. I think you should ask her again if she wants you to help out if the landlord won’t move the date, but if she still says no then you should respect that.

In your position, I would ask again what she needs most, suggesting what you could provide. She needs to know in the region of what sum you’re proposing, as otherwise she may not feel comfortable asking for anything at all. If she isn’t forthcoming, you could send a cheque or make a transfer using PayPal. If that isn’t what she needs or what she would be comfortable accessing, then ask of you can do an online food shop for her. She could put what she needs in an online basket, and opt for the delivery window etc and you could just pay. If it were me, I would add some extras into the basket too.

You need to judge what she would be willing to accept in these circumstances, and what she might be offended by (if anything).

Barclays (and I think others) do Ping It... it’s where people save their current account details to their mobile phone. If you’ve got mobile/online banking you can try that??

Did you talk as planned, OP?
Hope it went well.

Can you challenge her to a game of 'Cups'?

Oven often sent my son and his family ( 5 of them) a big meat parcel when I know things were tight.

I’ve often 😡
Local butchers often will make them up and deliver them and take a card payment over the phone.