Recently engaged should we tell the kids or ex first?

[Butteflyone1]

I've recently got engaged to DP who has three lovely DC. We're trying to work out is it better to tell DC first or should we tell the ex?

The DC should be unaffected as nothing fundamental will change in their lives but we know their Mum has a habit of making something out of nothing so we're just a bit worried about them.

Who is better to tell first the DC or their Mum?

if ones on a free day and at home maybe it was believed all 3 would be.

Quite possibly Karigan195 but what was he planning on doing if all 3 were at home? If he thought the 6 and 9 year olds were at home, their dm would be there too.

Was he going to speak to them one at time, with dm last? or get them on speaker with their dm listening in the background ...?

Well, he's fucked that right up now. And put a child in a position where he has to keep it to himself. I don't think he could have done a worse job of it.

You should have just taken off your rock until the dc had been told what was happening.

Well he fucked that up big time didn't he. Why the hell could two grown adults not wait for up to two weeks at the most to share the news on SM.

Here we go bashing the 'new women' again. He thought they were all off school as they mentioned an inset day.

Yes he may have messed up but sadly it's done now. Hopefully he can speak to the other two later today and then that's it.

As for wanting to wear my rock and be happy about being engaged, yes funny enough I'm very happy so heaven forbid I want to share our happiness.

@MrsDimmond Yes DP wanted to speak with each one over the phone from oldest to youngest. He messed up thinking they were all off. They have a child minder so assumed the ex would be at work and then he was going to message her. Sadly it's done now so we can't do anything else.

Here we go bashing the 'new women' again

Oh get over yourself.

You received perfectly sound advice about communicating your engagement with no hint of "bashing".

It's your subsequent attitude and the actions of your dp that are drawing criticism. Not the fact that you are enaged to a man with children

You can be as happy as you like. Waiting a week or so to share your news surely won't change that?

OP, are you hoping for drama?

Are you a name-changing Emma?

Also news like that is always best shared face to face unless it is impossible ( geographically as an example). Then it there are any anxieties or questions they can be dealt with. I feel sorry for DC1 having to keep this secret from her siblings and her mum. That would annoy me as a parent tbh.

Get over yourself, nobody is bashing the new woman. You came on asking for the best way to do something then went and did things the absolute worst way within an extremely short span of time.