Handling a 'know it all' friend

[KeeperofthePeace]

Some advice is needed because I have a friend, and I love her dearly but this element of our friendship is driving me so mad.

Overall, she is kind, sweet, big hearted and vd there for me, avd through the years, we have seen each other through a fair bit.

However, if I tell her anything - tell her, not ask her advice - she instantly jumps in with unasked for solutions and insists that I consider them, but really insists . For example on smaller issues, I want to buy a new bag - she says I MUST buy the bag she has tried. Or, if I am buying a joint of lamb
she is like "Yes but where are you buying it from? Have you tried Morrisons. Their lamb is amazing. Stop shopping in Sainsbury. You MUST go to Morrisons. Just do it." This goes into larger issues though. For example, my DS has recently been diagnosed with a condition that means he faces a lot of treatment over the next few years. I coincidentally work in this field, but in a non clinical setting. I have access to lots of experts. However, I tell her and she instantly responds with 'Hmm, I you need to get a second opinion. Have you thought about that?' I remind her I work in this field (I actually sought a third opinion just be sure) , and she says "Oh yeah, I forget you do that" It comes off as dismissive.

Maybe that is it, it often feels like she thinks I just don't know anything. Or maybe it is her delivery.... I don't know. But in other ways, she is great - a bit princess at times but that side of her always made me laugh.

She went through a messy divorce three years ago, and has been worse since then. Overall she is more driven, more career focussed, more ambitious in all areas.

Anyway, if you have got this far, thank you. How do I respond to all this unwanted insisted advice?

If you value her friendship in other ways just dismiss these annoying bits . If she doesn't contribute much else I'd say back away and disengage slowly .

Although it must be infuriating at times I would say if she’s a good friend then just put up with it. No doubt there’s aspects of your personality that irritate her.
She’s obviously been through a bit of a rough patch herself with the divorce and big life events like that do change you.
Smiling and nodding is usually the best way to respond to the unsolicited advice.

If however, she’s being a PITA all the time, I’d limit contact with her at least while your DS is undergoing treatment.
The last thing you need at a time like this is someone who is hard work to be around.

Hope your DS’s treatment goes well

Ah thanks, I will just keep smiling and nodding. I guess it is one of those situations where smiling, nodding and moving on is needed. I can't control others but can control my reaction etc...

When you feel yourself getting annoyed, think about Harry Enfield’s character Mr You Don’t wanna do it like that!

Yes! 😁😁😂😂😂

I’m really scared that I’ve turned into one of these people. (I’m even a bit scared this thread is about me!)

I do it because I read alllllll the time and collect information, which I then can’t help but share. But it’s also down to low self-esteem, and a desire to be “useful”, I think. It’s also just plain showing off.

I don’t know how I’d want you to react if you were my friend. I wouldn’t change unless you pointed it out. Long term, I’d be glad you pointed it out, but short-term it would sting.

I’m guessing her/my divorce damanaged her/my confidence. The more that gets rebuilt, the calmer she/I will become.

It depends whether you think it comes from a place of caring or simply always having to have a differing opinion to you. Everyone can be irritating at times, it sounds as though you've got enough shared history and goodwill to just keep up the non-committal agreeing and the 'mmmm'.