I've name changed for this - for obvious reasons. I'd just appreciate some thoughts on where to go next with this one - as I've obviously got things wrong.
I've had a friend for many years - she has two children a little younger than mine. We live in a city and many people move away for secondary as we're not in an area with good schools. My first child is at secondary and the second still at primary. Hers is just starting year 7 now.
Both her dcs have some special educational needs - the oldest's do not require any accommodation from school apparently, but make it hard to write clearly - he sometimes types - though his comprehension etc is amazing. The younger has some issues too with attention - extent unclear, as she is still very young. Both are such lovely children and my dcs are fond of hanging out with them. I was always slightly jealous when we were younger - she was an effortlessly good mum with babies that slept and had routines and she's much more beautiful and glamorous than me (and thin!) and has a great career. I tried not to let this ruin things as she's also been fun and supportive- and I value her highly.
My friend moved away a while back - to an area with better schools, bigger houses etc, where tutoring is rife and grades are high. It's a fact of life that this happens from where we live. We've chosen to stay where we are. DS1 is doing really well in his large comprehensive school, even though it is one that people suck their teeth at when we mention it. I am proud of his progress, especially since primary was rocky, and SATS required a lot of input from me. But he got through with good results and this has given him a good foundation to build on.
Fastforward to this year, and we saw our friends for a weekend. We talked, I thought, about many things - including her concern about where her DC1 would go to secondary (all the schools where they live have amazing results and it's just a case of picking the one with the best fit for him) and how he would fit in. Also the tutoring required to get him through some of the SATs, and the challenges he faces in certain areas.
I mentioned how much better DS1 was doing at secondary than he had in primary, especially in Maths, because I wanted to encourage her that secondary gives them a chance to try out many different subjects - not just one - they don\t have to excel in everything, and it can be so good for confidence. And I said DS had settled in well and I was so pleased. I wasn\t trying to be smug. Just encouraging.It's not like DS is even in the top set for anything. But he has made good friends and joined clubs and has good predicted grades. It feels like a miracle that I'm holding onto very lightly because I know there will be more bumps along the way.
I also have a younger child - a DD. She has a specific creative talent (think Art, Drama, Music, Dance)- we've nurtured it somewhat, but mostly it\s been picked up elsewhere and she spends a lot of time on it. We are proud of her, of course - but it does take up a lot of time chauffeuring her about. It may also be a consideration when we try to find a secondary for her next year, (she'\s Year 5) so I mentioned that too. She's also pretty academic. I've made no attempt to hide that either, but it's just as much a part of her as anything else, and will affect secondary choice too. I will have mentioned it when talking - along with the fact that she\s lousy at sport and has issues making friends.
When my friend's DC started school this month I sent a text to let her know I was thinking of them all, and received no response. I assumed she was busy and followed up a few weeks later. The response I got today said that she couldn\t engage with me because it was too hard to engage with people whose children enjoy their academic and extracurricular activities - when it is clear to her her children never can. The phrase that stung was 'there's nothing wrong with you being proud of your kids' - which told me all I need to know - I am a boastful cow.
I feel dreadful. I wasn\t trying to boast at all. All children have differing needs and abilities and we've been through plenty of rollercoasters with ours. Education is a marathon not a sprint, and I'm expecting the teenage years to be tough with them both. I'm sure I was guilty of going on too much about how well DS was doing at his comp because I know I\m often judged by people for sending him there - and I know the schools she\s picked get such better results.
I'm sure I also bore on about DDs hobby. It takes so much of our time that it bores me too = but then of course I end up talking about it, and then hate myself for it. And it's not likely to lead to anything for her in future (she isn't THAT good) so it\s more about giving the time to what she enjoys.
Can I salvage this friendship, or do I just let it go? Really sad right now - and feel like just the worst friend. Terrified to speak to anyone else too in case I find out i do this All The Time and am insufferable.... I\m socially anxious enough as it is, so this just makes it worse.
Thoughts please? Be at least a little kind
boastful cow