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Original poster

Why do I feel so sad when I'm not with my OH

33 replies

DontStopKeepPouring · 23/09/2019 12:41

I'm mid twenties and have been with my OH for two years he really is my best friend. We have DD together and I had DS before I met him.

We can have a lovely weekend together and soon as Monday hits and he goes to work I just feel sad and often find my self clock watching waiting for him to come back. As sad as it sounds when I hear his work van pulling up I'm the happiest woman on the planet.

I kind of rely on him to make me happy which is sad. I love and enjoy my children we laugh we play but it's just not the same as when OH is here.

Does anyone else get like this? Not sure why I get like this Mondays seem to be worse.

OP posts:

Usernamealreadyexists · 23/09/2019 12:46

Sounds like you are emotionally dependent on him and define your happiness by his presence. Do you have self esteem issues?

MilkTrayLimeBarrel · 23/09/2019 12:49

You'll get over it, believe me!

YouJustDoYou · 23/09/2019 12:51

You haven't learned yet that they're not the be and end all to your happiness.

YouJustDoYou · 23/09/2019 12:52

I kind of rely on him to make me happy which is sad

This isn't healthy. I was like this. Him cheating on me was the utter devastation I needed to realise that, actually, my whole happiness and life didn't depend on him after all. I had to learn to love myself, as corny as that sounds.

SleepingStandingUp · 23/09/2019 12:54

You really do need to address your own sense of self worth. You've only been together two years, how did you cope before he came along? How were your emotions?

Had this come on more since baby came along? How old is baby? Could you have PND?

How does he treat you? Is he critical about you or have you on a pedestal etc?

fantasmasgoria1 · 23/09/2019 12:55

Due to health issues I'm not currently working. When he's off we go out and about, for meals, cinema, walks (not too far at present) shopping, clubs etc. On his work days I try to keep busy sewing things with my machine, housework, reading far too much stuff on the Internet etc. But I do really miss him. Like you OP he's my best friend and the only person I really trust. Mind you at the moment because of pain I'm awake early hours and end up getting up, sometimes as early as 3am so during the day I try and have a nap to catch up. We have amazing conversations about numerous things and I miss that. We do this in the evening but there is less time.

purpleolive · 23/09/2019 12:58

That's really unhealthy. Are you just bored? Are you not occupied enough? I used to get lonely when I was on maternity leave, I found it hard with young children and missed adult company. I had PND. I always look forward to seeing my DH, even after 15 years, but what you describe sounds quite debilitating to your day and life.

Bluntness100 · 23/09/2019 13:02

Do you have any other friends op? Anything going on outside the kids and him?

Soola · 23/09/2019 13:03

Maybe not to the same extent but I do miss my husband a lot. He is working a lot as he is retiring in approximately two years.

I’m already retired so I have more time to think about him if that makes sense.

I think you have to fill your time with more things for yourself.

Original poster

DontStopKeepPouring · 23/09/2019 13:09

No I don't have any issues or PND I'm fine and no he doesnt treat me badly.
I do find during the day its bloody boring though I can not wait to go back to college in three weeks.

We had a really bad 6 months I went on the depo injection and it made me crazy and i treated him badly which I massively regret now I would of left if i was him. Things are really good now and I just love being around him.

OP posts:

Original poster

DontStopKeepPouring · 23/09/2019 13:11

Aww @soola that's very sweet at least you will have more time together soon.

OP posts:

JorisBonson · 23/09/2019 13:22

I practically skip out the door every morning yelling "FREEDOM!".

Obviously thats a joke partly

I love him and our time together is great but he's not my be all and end all.

Bedsidedrawer · 23/09/2019 13:57

Is there really anything so wrong with this?
Needing someone is very human!

pollywobble · 23/09/2019 14:00

Are you spending all your days waiting for him to come home because you believe at somevel that one day he won't ?

BenWillbondsPants · 23/09/2019 14:03

Wanting it be with your OH is lovely. Needing to be with him for happiness is not.

I'm happy when I'm with DH, but also when I'm with my DC's, my friends, work colleagues etc.

What about friends OP, how often so you see them?

IME living with someone very needy is pretty hard work, my ex was like this and I found it completely stifling.

Lilena94 · 23/09/2019 14:05

You really will get over it! 2 years isn’t long at all

SleepingStandingUp · 23/09/2019 14:20

Is there really anything so wrong with this?
You think pinning your entire happiness who could leave tomorrow and never look back, or who could get hit by a bus and die tomorrow is a good thing? To be so dependent on them that even if they turn abusive u can't leave because no one else can ever make you happy??

Yes, there's massive things wring with it. I love DH, I'm glad when he's home and we spend time together but if he leave tomorrow I know I'd be heartbroken but would survive, I'd still be able to be happy with life with my kids, to cope through ljnely nights once the kids are in bed. He aids my happiness, he isn't the definition of it.

Usernamealreadyexists · 23/09/2019 14:50

Agree with @Sleeping - she’s making herself massively vulnerable in case the relationship breaks down. She has a vacuum in her life that needs addressing. I think it’s very important to have emotional independence. After a while, he may bore of her neediness.

RezCowgirl · 23/09/2019 15:40

Wanting to be close to someone is human nature but you should remember that he isn't your other half - you are a whole person.

PenguindreamsofDraco · 23/09/2019 16:02

Um, because you're a bit feeble?

peakygal · 23/09/2019 16:05

Aww no this is fine once you're not overly clingy and allow him space.. I was the same with my DH. Even after 10 years...Was very hard to adjust after he passed and now I don't think I could ever be that dependent on anyone again

Funghi · 23/09/2019 16:05

Do you work? You sound bored.

I would find that level of dependence too suffocating if I were your OH.

Butteflyone1 · 23/09/2019 16:10

It sounds like you need a job or hobby. no one should ever be reliant on another person, especially emotionally reliant!!

You need to read some self-help books on how to be strong and independent. You won't be teaching your children how to be independent if you rely on someone else for your happiness.

MaxNormal · 23/09/2019 16:19

Don't be that reliant on him if you don't need to be, you make yourself very vulnerable.
Since I've got ill I've been massively reliant on DH, I'd literally be screwed if he up and left or dropped dead, and it does bother me. I preferred it when I wanted him rather than needed him.

Jeleste · 23/09/2019 16:53

I get it! Im a little bit like this too!
I think for me its a lot to do with boredom. I dont work atm and stay at home with my 2 little kids and lets face it, they can be really boring and the days are looong.
Im just not made for this. I love them both and we have a lot of fun together, but i just dont enjoy kid stuff so much. Also when they are not boring they are usually fighting, which is not better at all.
I know when DH gets home its only 1h to bedtime and i get to spend my evening with DH talking about more interesting things than lego and paw patrol.

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