Help, teenage daughter hates me

[Mumtoateenager1]

I know this is probably a common issue but my 14 yo told me she hates me and when she turns 16 she is moving to her grans. She also told me yesterday that she sits in her room most nights crying but won't tell me why. I try and talk to her and get one word responses, or she is talking to her friends on facetime. I suffer with bad depression and to say I am struggling is an understatement. Grateful for any advice.

Get gran to chat with her to see if their is a actual problem other than normal teenage angst.

You may want to consider the fact that your own mental health is having an effect on her. Children pick up all sorts of things.

I agree with PP, get gran to speak to her.

My 12 year old twins have told me they hate me, and also have plans to move in with their grandparents!

I used to cry in my room and lie in the dark to think. Could it be normal teenage angst or pmt?

Above all, don’t take it personally. It really isn’t personal, it’s just an outburst of how she is feeling or what she’s going through. Could you take her out for a Starbucks or something she’d like, and have a chat? Maybe avoid the big questions and just chat.

Is her gran talking to her about your relationship? Is she the sort to make things worse or better?

Is there something that you could both do together - either in the house, where you both watch the same box set (let her choose or you'll never hear the end of it! And only make positive comments, too) - or outside, if there's something she likes doing.

With my daughter I bought her big diaries every year and she'd scribble away all her bad feelings. They really worked for her. Just make sure you never, ever look at them - too scary!

Does she like reading? If so do you want some recommendations for books that will cheer up a 14 year old and make her see sense at the same time?!

Thanks everyone. Hollowtalk no gran is the sort to make things worse and she only has one gran. One tome DD was drinking and because I was trying to set boundaries my DM was on phone telling DD to walk out house abd she would get her. I suggest doing something every weekend and it gets threw back in my face- always giving her the option. I'm going to sit down with her tonight again and just try get something from her.

Yes please hollowtalk

It is normal for teens to hate their parents, they are supposed to be detaching from us, and this is a mechanism for that. It is normal to retreat to their rooms and shut off.

Obviously it is horrendous as a parent and the worry of how their mental health is, is a massive part of parenting any teen. I think you need to find a way to get communication going but depends what will suit your DD best. Mine likes to be asked for her advice and expert opinion on things (typical know it all teen).

I've started this thread to get some ideas for you, OP.

It can be so horrible dealing with teenagers who are determined to hate you, no matter what you do. Your mum is making things worse, isn't she?

Does your daughter have any hobbies? How is she getting on at school?

Are there any other children in the family?

Are you taking anti-depressants? They might help you to deal with this - I found they let me detach a little bit.

Had a long day at work. Thank you for that really appreciate it. Yes I am not speaking to my mum now either although she still has cobtact with my daughter but thankfully not too much. No hobbies really im looking into different exercise classes we could do together to try get us both out house and spending time together ( she likes the gym although not going much). Yes I am on antidepressants which do help it's just some times it all feels too much, when everything seems to go wrong at the same time. Life is sent to try us as they say lol