Getting friend to pay me back

[HelloCheeky]

I bought theatre tickets for a group of friends. Everyone has paid me back apart from one person. I have messaged her twice with bank details and reminded her when we met up for the show. I'm fairly certain she doesn't have any money problems and she is generally on the ball, efficient and trustworthy. I don't know how to approach this. Can anyone think of an assertive but friendly way to word a request to pay up? It's quite a lot of money for me?

I'd just be blunt. Ask her to send the money today or you'll assume she doesn't want the tickets and will offer it to someone else.

“The show was great, it was a good night out. Please transfer the ticket money today.”

If she doesn’t reply and the money isn’t transferred then go round her house within half an hour of her getting in from work.

Look her straight on and say, “I don’t know why you’re ignoring me but you had the enjoyment of seeing the show and everyone else has paid me back but you.”

Do you see this person face to face, or has it got to be a message?

We have already seen the show so I can't take the tickets back. I asked her face to face when we were at the show and she said she would transfer the money if I messaged her the details (I had already done so several weeks before but didn't say this).

We don't see each other very often, live in different towns and don't have immediate plans to see each other so it has to be a message or phone call.

I have known her and her family for 25 years and she has no form at all for being cheeky or flaky so I'd rather not be too aggressive at this point. Is there any jokey way of putting it?

I'd email/text and say 'I'm really concerned you're not getting my messages as I know you'd never not pay money you owe. I hope you and the family are all ok?"

Is there any jokey way of putting it?

No and you shouldn't use one even if there was. You can say it nicely. Just say "hi love can you send me that money now please? Can't go without it any longer. Bank details here again: XXXXX. Thanks xx"

Can you see if your messages are being read?

Does she not answer when you ring?

Forget the being friendly as she knows damn well she owes you money.

Some people are absolute pains for paying money back. I wouldn't be paying for anything for her again.

But phone her up and ask her to do it there and then while you're on the phone. Tell her that you're quite short on funds at the moment so you really need the money.

A useful trick in getting a reluctant payer is to shame them by suggesting that if they don’t pay immediately you are going to ask the others in the group to pay X amount each to cover her ticket cost. That way she isn’t indebted to one person but a whole group of friends knowing she is a piece of work.

Obviously you have no intention of ever doing that but she doesn’t know that.

'Hi, can you check with your bank as the money hasn't hit my end yet. Thanks.'

She is really cheeky, turning up to the show without bringing the money with her. You need to sort this out now - it should have been done before the show, really.

You shouldn't have to but I would give a specific reason eg

"I need to pay for xxx (a bill) by the end of the day and I am short - i just realised it's because I haven't received the theatre money from you, I really need it transferred over today so I am not fined for late payment. Here are the details again so you don't have to find them from previous texts - thanks!"

Again I know you shouldn't have to but this gives her an opportunity to pretend she hasn't been avoiding it and hope she feels she has to do it quickly.

And once this is paid you can make sure you never cover her financially again!

Good luck OP, people all too often reply on other people being scared of confrontation / awkwardness to avoid doing the right thing.

If you have a whatsapp group with all of your friends who went to the show could you message her there "by mistake". Make sure you name her specifically as in "Hi Anne etc". If nothing else everyone else will know and it should shame her into coughing up.

I agree with cstaff ask her in 'public' since she's ignoring you in private. You have nothing to be ashamed of!

We don't have a WhatsApp group so I can't do it publically.

I think the best tactic is a message today asking if she ok as I haven't had the money, then if there's no response a phone call tomorrow asking her to do it while we are speaking.

So as you can’t see her face to face, text or WhatsApp her your bank details again asking for the £x and saying you really can’t wait any longer and then call her the same evening to check she’s got the message.

If nothing comes from that WhatsApp group message saying you’re still outstanding some ticket money so if you’ve overlooked it please pay it now - cue replies checking from those who have paid. At least if I saw that message I’d respond that I paid on this date, you did get it didn’t you.

We don't have a WhatsApp group

If she hasn’t got form for this I would assume that something is wrong and check up on her before demanding money.

Then just message again and follow up with a call to make sure it’s been received. Ask her when you can expect the money.

Yes it can be embarrassing and yes, there may be an explanation but it’s your money and best sorted than left to breed ill feeling.