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Comments on toddler's tantrums in public

13 replies

instaglum · 22/09/2019 21:36

Anybody else had people making nasty comments if their child starts up in public?

Yesterday I was with my family in a large London park. They'd gone to do something I can't do as I'm slightly disabled physically and also had my almost 3 year old. DC starts to rant and scream, I try to calm him - then a woman a bit older than myself (55 possibly) shouted "Shut Up!" really nastily at my child.
I'm totally on board with people not wanting to be around screaming kids. I have Aspergers and hate him screeching so much. I would never make these reactions, though.
I've had anything from regular dirty looks to people actually approaching and telling him to shut up (twice now). I do my best to keep him quiet or walk away, and stick to places where I can leave the area, but it isn't always possible.
Has anyone had this sort of thing happen to them? It's kind of depressing!

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martingoresnipplechain · 22/09/2019 21:40

This bugs the shit out of me. Had it a few times with my 18 month old now and am consequently making a big effort to develop a thicker skin and try to ignore it. If I see parents dealing with tantruming children in public I try and offer a 'sympathetic look' as I know how difficult it can be.

Fantababy · 22/09/2019 21:46

That woman was really rude. Sometimes kids have tantrums. We try to control them but it's not always possible and we just have to ride it out. But small children can't always control themselves. She should have been able to.

SudowoodoVoodoo · 22/09/2019 22:09

I'm fortunate to have only had knowing smiles, "those were the days" type comments and on one occasion when I was 38 wks pg, on crutches with SPD and unable to bend down to my thrashing 2 year old, a delightful older couple asked if it was OK to pick him up and put him on a ride on, and even insisted on putting 50p in to cheer him up enough that he could walk out of the supermarket back to the car. He was such a tantrummy toddler and we are investigating SNs many years on, and he definitely has sensory issues that he just couldn't articulate at the time.

The only negative comment I've ever had was when DS was (ironically) happily walking through slush at 1oC in his usual shorts and someone felt it necessary to loudly and passive agressively swear and comment about DS's sartorial choices (despite the thick coat and hat). I'd long since accepted that DS is surprisingly resistant to hypothermia, and that a daily battle of the trousers was an unnecessary misery.

Young children do tantrum, particularly when they can't articulate what the problem is. Adults should be capable of withholding undiplomatic and rude comments. There's an irony there somewhere...

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HalyardHitch · 22/09/2019 22:13

Ah! My nearly two year old is really tiny. He looks nearer 12m than 2. I'm sure I get judgemental looks when I'm riding out a tantrum in public because it looks pretty inappropriate to allow a baby to lie on the floor crying compared to a two year old!

Fantababy · 22/09/2019 22:45

We're the other way round - I think DD looks older than she is, and she's quite tall, so people think she should be better behaved.

ChildminderMum · 22/09/2019 22:47

My middle child was/is an awful tantrummer but tbh I only ever had people trying to be helpful!

instaglum · 22/09/2019 23:25

Yes! So relieved to know it's not just me starting to fear leaving my (teeny London) house! My DC is big for his age, I keep getting asked if he is "under 5" when I go places.

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TerribleCustomerCervix · 22/09/2019 23:31

It’s daunting, but you just need to realise you’re never going to see 99.9% of these people again, and even if you did they’re not going to recognise you as the woman whose dc threw a tantrum in the garden centre six weeks ago.

Anyone who addressed a tantruming toddler while the parents are trying to Grey Rock the strop is a proper dickhead.

SherbetSaucer · 23/09/2019 00:00

then a woman a bit older than myself (55 possibly) shouted "Shut Up!" really nastily at my child

This is often my reaction to a screaming child but do it to myself. Certainly wouldn’t shout it.

instaglum · 23/09/2019 00:07

It is the reaction inside my head, definitely. I might have retired to the bathroom and said it out loud sometimes!
Trying to 'grey rock' is the perfect descriptor! Only this seems to annoy people who think you're then doing nothing!

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EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 23/09/2019 00:12

Yes used to get it quite a lot . Ds4 was dx with asd at 2 and was quite loud for a couple of years

I learnt never to make eye contact with people

user764329056 · 23/09/2019 00:15

I just don’t understand why people feel entitled to comment on/shout about others, live and let live, most folks are doing their best, especially mums with little ones and ALL kids play up at times, it’s called being a kid, sadly we’ve become a very intolerant society who feels entitled to judge any everything

instaglum · 23/09/2019 09:38

I do think people in general are becoming less tolerant.

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