Is it too late for me to introduce better eating habits for dc?

[Standingatthedoor]

They are 12 and 7. We have got into a complete rut of eating rubbish meals in front of the TV and they are so fussy I have really limited what I make for them. Ds1 even complained about getting burgers again the other day, especially annoying as he is the fussiest! (He once cried when I made him eat a carrot). I feel I have ruined them, and don't know how to change things around. We don't even eat at a table anymore, except in cafes where they are much better at eating.
Actually, I think I've been providing an a la carte service at home!
We (the adults) are so tired when we get in from work we can't face a big fight over dinner.
But I want things to change, for us to eat together at least some of the time, and for them to try new foods.
Have I left it too late or can I still turn things around?

My kids are really good eaters. We eat at the table all together every night. I do the food self service style in the middle of the table. So for example, a roast chicken, a flat bread, bowl of rice, choppy salad, big bowl of tziki. We all take what we want, how much we want of it and anything left goes in tupperware for my and dh's lunch. I have one child who doesn't really like meat, so there will often be a bowl of prawns or a salmon fillet too and she will still have the same accompaniments. I truly didn't know until I joined mn that people ate in front of the tv and at all different times but people think we are odd for doing it our way.

One thing I would watch is the things you accept them saying and doing in relation to eating food at home , I always picked them up on saying things were disgusting as that’s very disrespectful. If they don’t like things (and have tried them more than once) then they can say they don’t like it, that’s fine.
I would also suggest that people enjoy food in different ways, I don’t like steamed carrots but I love roasted ones. Try things prepared in different ways before giving up.

We went to an "all you can eat" buffet thing where they have stir-fries, curries, meat and potatoes, quesadillas etc it meant the children could sample stuff and see what they liked without ordering an entire plate of the thing.

It is a good way to experience taste and textures.

Can I recommend The Batch Lady on YouTube for batch cooking. Slow cooker is a godsend, there are plenty of "dump chicken" or "dump X" recipes for being able to compile it the night before in a ziplock and then empty it into the slow cooker. Some come with timers built in or just use a plug in timer.

It might be easier to have a blanket rule of ‘dinner at the table’ otherwise it might set it back if you have 2 meals at the table then 1 in front of the tv. Will they kick up a fuss the next day?
List here what they eat and I’m sure people will come up with ideas of quick meals.
Use the family meeting time to all plan the meals together, everyone chooses a favourite and then come up with ideas for the other meals.
I always find that my dc are more likely to eat a less liked meals if they already know about it rather then just be presented with it.

I had a really important rule at that age: they can never be rude about the food. So nobody saying it us “disgusting”. It’s one thing I was very strict on. They are old enough to understand that the person who cooked it made an effort, and that bring rude about it hurts their feelings. You need your partner on board with this!

So no rudeness.

And lots of meals (at the table) that they can assemble themselves, like buddha bowls or fajitas, or kebabs with pittas and salad etc.

Pasta and rice aren’t so bad if you can get some veg into the sauce or stir fry veg with rice for example. There’s no point going over board and introducing Michelin starred type meals just try to find a compromise. And a ‘picnic’ supper (I know that phrase is hated on MN) can be nutritious- bread, cheese, fruit, veg sticks, hummus - that type of thing, doesn’t have to be hot to be healthy.

Vegetables they already eat - a short list one likes (actually likes!) corn on the cob, but only they way they make it in restaurants, not the way I cook it apparently. He also will eat some peas.
Other one will eat raw carrot.
I can buy or make tomato sauces with the veg blended in. They both eat fruit happily. Neither has ever eaten salad. Not sure how I reached this point the more I write about it the worse I feel.
Going to a buffet restaurant is a great idea to try things.
They don't like beans, soup or cheese.

Thanks for starting this post, I’m in a similar boat. My eldest eats everything, but my younger children
(10,8,5) are so fussy that lately they’ve seemed to exist on a diet of pasta, pizza and veggie hotdogs, whilst ds1, dh and I eat proper food.

Meal planning as a family seems an excellent idea, especially letting them choose a dish each per week.

I’m vegetarian and we don’t eat red meat as a family, does anyone have any good, quick veggie meals? Also everyone always mentions batch cooking, but other than dal and a bean chilli (which some of mine will eat), what other vegetarian dishes can be batch cooked?

Another thank you for this thread. I am also in a similar position with my 7 year old Dd. It is so frustrating and then I think you just feel that after a long day at work you can't fight the battle. My DD struggles with sauces which limits things a fair amount. It is my dream that one day she will eat something like a shepherds pie or a spag Bol.

Watching with interest. You are not alone!

I also thank you for this thread OP. My 2.5 year old would live on plain rice and sausages if he could, and I have been feeling super guilty about it. He goes to nursery part-time and apparently he eats well there (which I was dubious about until I turned up at tea time one day and saw him happily chomping on some broccoli), however at home he sees something green on his plate and it goes straight on the floor 😭 That Fay Ripley book looks good, and I have just downloaded the '7 secrets' one onto my kindle - so thanks to pp for those suggestions :)

I’ve said this before but try serving things “family” style so everything in the middle and they serve themselves. They must have something from each dish. Minimum quantity is one table spoonful.
Put out things they like, dislike and that are new.

My ds has come a long way with eating a food he likes- salmon- with a little bit of something he hates- roast potato. He will now eat roasties. Not his favourite but he tolerates it.

Been there too. My two have completely different tastes in food and one would rather starve than eat something he doesn't like, no way on earth would he have one tablespoon of any sort of potato on his plate for example (he's autistic). I never force them to try anything, they have to do it freely (we also eat from serving dishes at the table most of the time) and they are allowed snacks later, they appreciate the freedom and have become a lot less fussy as they've got older. Most importantly we are happy round the table.

The thing that has made the biggest difference has been getting them involved in shopping and cooking, we ditched Ocado and went back to shopping in store on a weekend together. I would tell them they had to each choose something new for us all to try. Some weeks it was completely free choice (Pop Tarts!) other times I would say some sort of fish, or something in a tin. We also bought basic cookbooks and got them choosing meals from those to cook together. They are also allowed to cook something extra for themselves alongside the main meal now they are older, so if its potatoes they are welcome to cook themselves some pasta for example.

I have a super fussy 12 yr old and a less fussy 9 yr old.

There are two aspects to eating, for me anyway. One is the food / pickiness. I always make sure there is at least one thing that the fussy one will eat. So, worse case scenario, he will eat that. No clean plate requirement, no insistence on trying it, just served the same food as everyone else and choosing to eat it or not. It has taken a long time - years of cooking separate meals, developing healthy versions of junk food, etc. DH is an enthusiastic foodie - this helps.

The other aspect is behaviour around food and mealtimes, and for me it’s just as important. So we sit together at the table every single night. Tv off. We say please and thank you. We talk about our day. And wow, if one of them described what I offer them as disgusting??! I’d go fucking nuts. Such ingratitude. It has been drummed into my fussy one that it’s okay to have his own likes and dislikes, and he’s not forced to eat anything but there are polite ways to turn down food. I actually don’t care all the much what they eat or don’t eat, but they are going to be polite to the people doing the cooking.

Take them to the supermarket and get them to pick one vegetable they are willing to try.

When you say they don’t like soup is it the texture . Try tomato as a cm it is a fave with kids. With the hot pat beaked bread.

Try crispy kale it’s one some of my non veg eaters like . Spread it with oil , sprinkle on sugar and bake , watch it does turn fast.

My own son prefers veg when smothered I. Gravy.

Will they eat Tuna?

We do tortilla boats as we call them Cook minced beef you could use quote . Cut up cucumber tomatoes and peppers and they add there own veg .

I also would say you don’t have to eat it but try it . It might only be a lick but praise that.

Pizza make there own at home .i make base sauce out of tinned tomatoes and purée reduces down . Could hide veg in and do in advance.

I agree with zero tolerance on words like disgusting. By all means say you don't like something though. A few years ago I was talking to DD about food likes and dislikes and what she, DS and DH didn't like. She said "why aren't there any foods you don't like mum?" and that was a bit of a moment, as there are things I don't like but as I do all the shopping and most of the cooking we just don't have those things so she'd never really seen me leave food. That was when I decided to start getting them involved in shopping, so they would start to have more autonomy over what they ate. It has definitely helped.

Very minor success with ds1 tonight who I got to put his own food in the oven (he chose sausage roll and chips) and ate one small raw carrot - yes I know, a tiny thing but he did it without pretending to be sick or complaining at all!

Big success! Not little. :) Big. :) Well done!

No celebrate the little successes . If it was as simple as pop a salad in front of them and they eat it I am sure would of done it a long time ago.

I use a buffet style with different things. Nothing here is fried. My son eats small portions so I put variety not quantity.
Try to have a variety of things and they may try something new.
Also it's very quick. No real cooking.

That’s awesome! Well done.

That is a hell of an achievement! Nothing wrong with celebrating what might to others be a small step but to your ds is a massive one!

I've OCD and on another thread been explaining a lot about it - small achievements to others can be huge to the person for whom doing a thing is massively difficult!

It was a challenge for him and he did it, that was brave of him and massive well done to you to for helping him manage it.

You SHOULD both be VERY proud!

thank you. I'm glad to have made a start rather than waiting till I had time to write the "big plan to revolutionise our eating" - though that is coming by the weekend!
Thornhill I would happily come to your house and eat that tray

OP.
I read my kids that story about the boy with ARFID who went blind. My eldest is. V healthy, eats fruit and veg constantly. But. My son is 6, autistic, and barely ate fruit or veg for years. Cured! It sounds brutal but I was tired of battling and worrying over his intake.

@Standingatthedoor got another one today. it has beetroot, crab sticks a cheese toasty, feta cheese, chorizo, cucumber and fruit. I'm not suggesting I have it perfect but it works to have different bits. Sometimes us sweet corn, Cesar salad, tuna crackers all fast and simple.
Glad you like it.

So. Tonight dc1 ate 6 peas and dc2 9 peas.
I think I'd stopped even offering as they react like I'm trying to feed them quails eggs when I put a pea on a spoon.