Children leaving home and menopause

[Nestinghedgehog]

Not sure where to put this.

Like most parents I am very close to and love my only dd very much. I am very sensible and level headed but I can SO sad when she goes away to university- it's not new f sac he is going in to second year - so I should be used to it now. She has a big trip planned away next year - about 6 months - other side of the world

At the see time I am peri/menopausal- cannot work out if my feelings are normal sadness at only child going away or menopausal or a bit of both.

Aldd hesitate to take HRT as it made me anxious before but I wonder whether dose was too high/wrong.

I hate feeling so sad as I feel
It robs me if the time we have before she goes away but it's like a constant cloud.

I know I am rambling but I am all over the place.

Thanks for reading

Apologies for spelling mistakes etc - not great in my phone - but I hope you can understand what I am saying

You poor thing 🌺

Although I've been through it I do think your grief is dragging on a bit if I'm honest. Maybe your dd represents more than just, well, your dd, even though she's an only.

I'd suggest some counseling to try to get at what may be happening with you at the mo.

Do you exercise? I don't mean the full shebang but getting in walking instead of driving etc. It's the best anti-depressant.

This is a big turning point in life. Huge for some of us. Do get some specialised counseling to support you through it xx

I think the two together are probably giving you a lot to think about. The finality of the end of your reproductive life can feel very problematic, as well as the hormonal issues. Definitely see your GP again if you’re struggling.
It’s recommended that you find some diversionary tactics to cope, but I would agree with the pp, perhaps finding a space to talk about what this change means for you might be helpful.
Do you have a DH? How’s he feeling? Do you find any solace in one another?
There are things to look forward to, and it’s good to show your daughter that your happiness isn’t dependent on her.

It's so lovely that you have such a special relationship with your DD. You must be so proud of her!

I am very close to my parents, and I expect it was hard for them when my brother and I left home and weren't in very close contact for a few years while we were making our own paths. My parents used this time to do things they were interested in but hadn't had time for before - both became more physically active (swimming, yoga), became involved in voluntary work on top of their paid work, became politically active etc. Maybe you can do the same? This is an opportunity for you to grasp.

These days (now I have DC of my own) I see a lot more of my parents than I did when I was in my 20s. Hopefully you'll get the chance to be a granny someday too!

Thank you for your replies.

I know what some of the issues may be but I don't know how to deal with them. Both DH and I are from large families- I was only able to have one - which is fine - some people are never able to have children that they want. I was never particularly close to my mum - our relationship is better now but we are very different- but I see her suffering as all her children have left home and I worry that is the life that is waiting for me - although I know I have the power to change this.

My DH is lovely but doesn't really understand - comes from a family where you just get on with it.

I did go and see the GP - he offered anti depressants which I declined. I tried HRT but maybe I need to try again.

I hate being sad when I'm with her - we should be rejoicing in her great adventure. I let her know that I will miss her but not how bad I am feeling.

I as m sure I will be better in a few days but the cloud is always there - I don't want it to ruin the next few months, Christmas or anything- it's not her job to worry about me.

Unfortunately telling yourself not to feel sad doesn’t work, believe me I’ve tried. I was meeting my DD one day just before she was going away (abroad for a long time) and I just burst into tears as she came towards me. Felt so stupid at the time, but just had to work through it, get it out of my system. It’s ok to feel sad, maybe try not to fight it?

Herocomplex - maybe you are right - I haven't really given in to a big cry but perhaps I need to

Have a big old cry, and then focus on things for yourself? Things you love doing (hobby, sport, going out), invest time in friendships and fun, for you?

Oh definitely then, watch a sad film, have a good weep, demand a hug from DH, tell him you’re going to need a few extra ones over the next week, and maybe plan a few little treats/indulgences. Be kind to yourself.