Please come and talk contraception with me...

[boxofbabyjesus]

I'm 32 and just about to give birth to DC2.

Since I got married 10 years ago, I've been either ttc or pregnant (and briefly in the 'unlikely-as-exclusively-breastfeeding-but-if-it-happened it-would-be-fine' stage.) We have had unidentified fertility issues which has meant our DC took 6 and 4 years to conceive.

I've never used any form of contraception at all, and I'm feeling a bit at sea trying to explore this now. Although it feels unlikely that I'd suddenly conceive again - given how long DC1 and 2 took - it's not a risk that feels right to take. Another pregnancy in the next year or so does NOT feel manageable to me.

We've always liked the idea of 3 kids, and feel that if we decide to go for a third, it would be sensible not to leave it too long before starting to try again. I'm a bit nervous about hormonal contraception anyway because of the fertility issues we've had - I suppose I don't really trust my body to respond well to hormones - and I'm particularly concerned about anything that might take some time to leave my system if we decided to try again (is that a thing?).

This feels like the sort of thing adults should know how to manage. Can anyone offer some advice or suggestions?

Hormonal contraception (multiple methods) really didn’t agree with me, several types of pill for example resulted in depression/thrush/headaches etc. Not currently in a relationship but I use Natural Cycles (useful to document cycle anyway) and have built up enough data that I’d be happy to rely on it (in combination with condoms, when required) when the time comes. However, I’d suggest using condoms for the first 6 months or something until you have built up a more reliable data set, as the algorithm “learns” what is your normal for your body. Just requires taking your temp every morning first thing. I know a lot of people don’t think it’s reliable. Used it with a prev partner and worked for us. Means if you do TTC again you can just switch the settings from preventing a pregnancy to TTC and you’ll already have an idea of when you ovulate etc.

We use condoms. Used them between the two DCs and then since DS was born over 16 years ago. I don’t want to use hormones and DH tried to get the snip but it was made so difficult he gave up.

Thank you - these are helpful perspectives. So you haven't found that condoms interrupt the flow of things or impact the spontaneity?

I have wondered about natural planning type approaches but haven't given it serious thought as I've assumed some of my weird hormonal stuff (very irregular cycles) would mean it wasn't a good option. Perhaps that's an incorrect assumption...?

So you haven't found that condoms interrupt the flow of things or impact the spontaneity?

Not in the slightest. Because of teen DS always being around all activity is restricted to our bedroom anyway so condoms are always to hand and putting it on can be part of the fun too..

I have wondered about natural planning type approaches but haven't given it serious thought as I've assumed some of my weird hormonal stuff (very irregular cycles) would mean it wasn't a good option. Perhaps that's an incorrect assumption...?

IMO natural family planning is useless if you have any irregularity and that just gets worse as you get older. As a Catholic with lots of Catholic friends I knew that all but one of my mass going friends DID use “proper” contraception. The one who used persona for natural family planning stopped using it after her second unplanned pregnancy (she already had two planned children).

Copper coil.

I’d steer clear of NFP if you have irregular cycles - my friend conceived DD two days after her cycle finished, not when she was expecting to ovulate at all (she was TTC not PP by NFP) - mine is regular and I’m careful to use condoms when sexually active and any time around my ovulation window. I use the app a so a guide but take extra precautions (would use condom on a “green” (ok for no protection day) one/two days either side of my “unsafe for unprotected” window if that makes sense)

*period finished (whoops)

If you're worried about the time for hormones to leave your body, I would think most contraceptive pills leave your system pretty quickly.

I stopped mine in the November, had a period in the December and conceived DS in the January.

I’m having similar thoughts OP. Done with children for now but potentially not forever. I dong want to go on hormonal contraception again.
Not sure if coil would be a good idea of not since there’s a 50% chance I’d have to ask for it to be removed in a year.

Yes, I'd recommend the copper coil too. No hormones so an immediate return to fertility after it's removed.

I found condoms fine 'in the moment' but I don't trust them so was constantly stressed about unexpected pregnancy

Sterilisation and mini pill here.

Mini pill to control awful periods and sterilisation to prevent pregnancy. Mini pill also protects me if sterilisation has failed.

It is very possible to use symptothermal methods (such as natural cycles, but observing more fertility signs than just temperature) effectively for contraception even if you have irregular cycles, and may well give you insight as to what’s making them irregular. However, it would be difficult to do this effectively in the post-partum period, which brings its own challenges (difficult to take temperature reliably after a sufficient period of sleep, changes in cervical mucus). If you’re interested in this method I would recommend learning about it while using condoms throughout your cycle. A good starting point would be Taking Charge of Your Fertility, if you haven't already read it.
The diaphragm is another option for non-hormonal barrier methods.

I wouldn't use the cycle planning just after a baby or if you're breastfeeding again, pretty sure it wouldn't work as there won't be regular cycles (and not all that reliable anyway).

Copper coil is great if you can find somewhere willing to insert remove, I wouldn't tell them you want another child and don't get the hormonal one. I think it needs to be 6 weeks or until you stop bleeding though.

I think most would use condoms in your situation, they don't work out for everyone but easy to try.

If you end up with something hormonal then the pill is your best bet, it's easiest to stop if it doesn't agree with you, and theoretically out your system quicker than anything non-daily.

I know three women who fell pregnant using the copper coil.....

According to the NHS website, copper coils are 99% effective and condoms are 98% effective.

I forgot about the risks of copper coil slipping That's why DH had a vasectomy.

Is the copper coil an option for, say, a year?

Another fan of condoms here, as I dislike hormonal contraceptives.

I'm 33 and have taken the combined pill for most of my adult life (microgynon brand). I can honestly say its never caused me any problems; it's been reliable for me, improved my skin and made my periods signifanctly less painful. Last year when we decided to ttc DC2, I stopped taking my pill in May and was pregnant by July.

If you are interested in NFP have a look at Marquette NFP.

It uses the Clear Blue fertility monitor to test hormones. There is much less reliance on algorithms and more on what is actually happening in your body. There is a post partum/ breastfeeding protocol and they are used to fertility issues too / irregular cycles. If you get an instructor you can discuss how use the method as conservatively as possible.

parenting.nytimes.com/becoming-a-parent/fertility-awareness-methods

Well you can have a copper coil for As little time as you want technically.

Nh s cost return is about 6 months though, so they shouldn't a fuss after a year.