Child Maintenance - in your opinion

[maintenancequestion111]

I am divorced and my three teenage dc have lived with me since their Dad moved out a year and a half ago. It’s been just over a year that we have been financially totally separate, and he gives me £60 a week in maintenance.

Add to this the £100 a month he gives one of the dc, the lump sums he has given them recently (£400 each), and the fact that he is at my house almost every afternoon while I am at work cooking for them with food that he does buy. Or if he uses my food, he puts some other food that he has bought in the fridge.

I just wanted opinions - does £60 a week seem reasonable - £20 a child.

How much does he earn?

And do I count the money he gives them?

Not the £400 as that is theirs to save, but the £100 a month he gives the eldest also indirectly helps me.

Have you sorted this through cms?

So in reality it's much more that £60 a week. I'm assuming that him being at your house feeding the children whilst you're at work means no childcare costs? Plus feeding 3 teens every day must cost a fair bit? So add another £50 on. With the £100 he gives one, that could total over £500 a month in real terms.
Unless he's earning loads of money, that seems reasonable?
Why does he give one child £100 but not the others?

Depends on his earnings, essential outgoings etc. Why does he only give money to one dc? It sounds like you have a good working relationship, don't underestimate how rare this is, but if he's well off and you are struggling then things need to change. 20% is standard maintenance for 3 kids but that's in total assuming no other support.

How old are the kids? And how much does he earn?

Why does one child receive £100 and not the others? Is it to cover school transport or similar?

How much does he earn?

I don’t know, and will never know - he is self-employed. Historically it has been little so I would have said £60 was okay. But at the moment he is ploughing any extra into a property he is building so actually I think there is more money around than he would let on.

I am not going to ask for more in any case as better to let sleeping dogs lie, and we are not on good terms at all.

But there are times when I feel I am being taken for a bit of a mug. For example the glasses, shoes and school provisions for one of the dc has just come to £153, in one fell swoop.

He is very resentful of me and feels hard done by.

Really it was to have people’s opinions.

Depends on how much he earns. I also want to know why only.one dc gets money from him directly. I wouldn't count any lump sums for saving he gives the dc, maintainance is to pay for their basic needs right now. £60 a week seems low but is possibly reasonable if he is in a very low paying job. It is reasonable to expect a non-resident parent to provide food during their contact time in addition to paying maintenance, so I wouldn't count the food either.

Are you happy with him coming to your house to do childcare? I wouldn't be.

How old are the kids?
Have you been through CMS?
They will look at his income. Money he is using to run his business won't be his income.
What was the financial settlement from the divorce?
How much do you earn?
All of these things have an impact on how much money he may have to give you now.

As much as I hate to say it, if he's self employed it's best to let sleeping dogs lie. My self employed ex manages to 'earn' exactly £10,399 every year, so I get about £10 a week. He's currently on his third overseas 'work trip' with his girlfriend this year, and CMS say that he is fine because they can only look at earnings and dividends, so... Nothing I or they can do. It sucks that they can game the system so easily.

Yes so £240 a month plus what he spends on food (a bit here and there, not £50 a week, though he also uses my food), plus the £100 a month he gives the eldest.

Yes, without knowing how much he earns, it’s kind of a moot point.

We don’t have a good relationship at all. He doesn’t answer a single message I send about the dc, so I have stopped doing it entirely. He isn’t saving me any childcare costs as the dc are old enough to be at home alone - he basically uses this home to come and see them (and I am glad they see him), and occasionally takes who might want to go out, out at the weekend.

Just read your update, imo if he has money to invest then he has to be earning enough to pay more.

He currently pays £240 a month. He is meant to pay at least 19% of his income as maintenance. Do you think he earns more than £1263 per month? I bet he does.

Are you happy with him coming to your house to do childcare? I wouldn't be.

Not really, but I am hoping he will be settled soon and the dc can go to him. There is something odd about being hated yet at the same time knowing that person has been there every day. The other day his friend (whom he plotted with during the divorce) also apparently came over .

Though something tells me he will carry on coming here as the dc are lazy teenagers.

I believe CMS don't count stuff that goes directly to the children - well they didn't seem to when a friends ex put in a claim (they disregarded the £200 a month each he put in the two children's individual accounts for spends, phone contracts etc),

Or what can't be proven, he was paying ex monthly in cash at her request - stupid - and he couldn't prove he'd given her anything so got hit with several years back pay.

Hmmm if he’s self employed it might be worthless going through CMS as it depends what income he declares.

How old is the oldest DC? Still school age? Will he also give £100 to the other DC?
That wouldn’t be counted by the CMS however would help in terms of clothes for them, travel to and from college etc.

No and I wouldn’t go through the CMS unless he stopped the payments (initially he wasn’t go to pay any maintenance despite being asked several times, and it was only because he thought I would go through the CMS that he started paying his weekly amount).

I am hoping he will give the others the same amount of money a month when they reach the age the first one was when they got it - mainly because it will otherwise seem like favouritism. I give the other two £7.50 a week which obviously is less that the £25 the first one gets from ex, but okay for now.

Yes they are all school age.

wasn’t going to pay

You are stuck between a rock and a hard place as you recognise.
I guess if you are managing there is little point in doing anything else at this point.

Are you relying on him for childcare, or are the dc old enough to be alone while you are at work? If it's the latter I would change your locks. It is being a total CF bringing a mate around!

I'd personally be going through CMS just so I didn't have to deal with the arsehole. £60 a week is a paltry amount.

No they are old enough to be on their own. Have just changed the locks now, after about 16 months, but in any case the dc let him in. The friend lives nearby and popped over but it does sometimes feel that ex has no idea why the divorce happened, and feels hard done by. Ie. if it weren’t for the fact that I am so unreasonable 🙄, this would be his home still. Probably no recollection of his awful behaviour which got us to where we are. The endless silent treatments, walking on eggshells, lying etc.. And the fact that he got together with someone else while we were in the same house, and I had to endure hearing endless middle of the night phonecalls. One minute he was trying to manipulate me into staying, and 2.2 seconds later he was with someone else.

But no he plays the victim.

I am not saying I was perfect, but his behaviour was awful. I seem to be a little bitter .