Aibu to consider getting married across the other side of the world?

[yellowpolkadots101]

Just that really, I have never really wanted a big wedding, I hate attention and its not something I have ever really 'dreamed' of having.

We are planning to go abroad for a big birthday in 2021, we have already started saving and it is a dream destination for us. We will be accompanied by my family who are also saving already. We were saying today how amazing it would be to have a non legal intimate wedding over there with just both our families being there in a beautiful setting that wont cost us a fortune. (Approx £2.5k all in for 10 guests) The country also means a lot to us as it is where we met travelling 6 years ago! We would like to have a meal back at home after for other family members outside the immediate family.

So here is the big BUT.... I'm worried that I will offend other family members because I would not be intending to invite others except those in the immediate family. My partners parents are wealthy and regularly travel to south east Asia and I really think they would be happy to attend. However my partners sibling and partner have just had their second child and I know money is very tight for them due to job losses and I think they would honestly struggle to fly the whole family for our wedding. This makes me feel guilty but we got so excited about the idea it's difficult to know what to do. Are we being super selfish to even consider it?

Honest opinions are very much welcomed.

Something like this:
(Photo attached)

That looks beautiful! You need to do whatever is right for you. I would do it, it’s plenty of notice for those that you want / are able to attend and if you’re having a celebration meal back in the UK, then everyone else can celebrate with you then. YANBU- go for it op! And congratulations! 🥂

I’m not sure anyone would necessarily want to fly halfway round the world for a ‘non-legal wedding’, though. Where/when are you planning to do the legal part, and are you inviting anyone to that?

Are you legally married?
If not do the holiday/wedding as planned, but do legal stuff before you go with partners sibling as witness

If its a non legal wedding then it isn't a wedding anyway. What you are actually proposing is to get married quietly with no ceremony - which there's nothing wrong with - combined with hijacking an already-planned family overseas trip and turning it into your wedding event - which I don't think is ok. I get the impression that this big birthday that your family are already saving for isn't your own, or DPs, but someone else's? If I am right then tacking this on to make the trip more centred on you would be very tacky.

If you want a quiet no-fuss wedding then by all means go for it. A wedding ceremony the other side of the world, supplemented by a UK party plus the actual legal bit getting squeezed in at some point, is a huge amount of fuss. Having the overseas bit not even legally valid makes it just a self-indulgent pantomime.

It sounds beautiful but I agree with it not being appropriate to nor make it the wedding when the group did not book it as such

I’d not attend, it’s all about your wants and not taking the guests into consideration. Not to mention if it’s not a legal ceremony you’re actually expecting them to pay to travel it a fake wedding.

yoba it's a belated joint birthday for myself and my df! It did cross my mind that it may be hijacking the holiday although I really think my family would be happy, we are all very close.

icecream perhaps, but shouldn't your wedding be about your own (and your partners) wants?

that wont cost us a fortune. (Approx £2.5k all in for 10 guests)
This is the problem. It may save you money, but at the expense of your partner's siblings.

I don't think it's on to hijack an already planned holiday.

A non legal wedding? So a £2.5k party?

When would you actually get married?

I don't get it.

eladen before going, in a registry but without any fuss I guess!

I think as much as a marriage is between two people only it will hurt others not being able to attend. But my mindset is whatever the surroundings it’s the marriage that matters. I also think marriage is about wanting to get married and not the bells and whistles. I currently have a friend whose nephew has decided to get married abroad and expects everyone to come. They can’t really afford it but don’t want to miss it and it’s causing real angst. She looked after him a lot when he was a little boy.

Thank you for your honest opinions so far, I think you've definitely highlighted some valid points and it has definitely made me reconsider. Perhaps we can get the 'country specific' theme in another way without actually being there. Back to the drawing board I think!!

A couple of my friends have gotten married in far flung places and came up with a nice way to include all.

Go have your amazing destination wedding and when you get back hire a nice space and have a big party for everyone. Much cheaper to do as it’s not a wedding. One couple put their wedding outfits back on and did a first dance which was lovely.

I think it sounds lovely as long as you don't hijack the whole holiday. If it's important could you partner's wealthy family help his sister?