If you had horrifically low self esteem, how did you fix yourself?

[MakeMeARainbow]

Objectively, there is nothing 'wrong' with me, and I've a job and my own flat. I also have no confidence at all. I can't see why anyone would bother with wanting to be friends with me, and certainly not why any man would want to try and have a relationship with me.

I tried the gym but the super toned people made me feel even worse about myself.

I am just so unhappy.

I found a job and a hobby I am good at. I also stopped trying to be normal and I started pursuing my niche interests, which led me to finding friends who are more like me, and who genuinely like and value me.

I managed to stop feeling sorry for myself and started to respect myself instead, this took a long long time
Start small sweetheart. Speak to yourself with kindness. It’s ok to be you, and it’s ok to feel your feelings.
Don’t let other people’s ideas of you fill you up, but rather be who you are without fear.

I think I started to really listen to myself, and then started to compare what I settled for or expected with how other people were. I tried to work out why they deserved more than me, and then I slowly realised that I did deserve good things too.

The inner voice is so destructive. I picked one thing at a time to work on, and that helped otherwise it's overwhelming. EG. I decided I'd start saying no when I didn't want to do something. That was so hard, but I persevered. Then realised that the roof didn't fall in if I did say no. That gave me confidence to move onto the next thing.

The big thing is kindness to yourself. Do nice things for yourself, remind yourself of good things about yourself. Small random acts of kindness to strangers is relatively easy and makes you feel good.

Thank you

I had counselling it utterly changed my life for the best highly recommend it . I told them what i wanted which was more confidence and we explored why i had little which was tough then she put me back together. I now have healthy relationships and am happy . I did pay for it and sourced a forward thinking counseller but it changed all of my life

Self-care and mindfulness really helped me.
Take time doing things that make you happy and do things that benefit your health and wellness.
Learn to say no and have an opinion.

This book did it for me and little bit of counselling - see if you have a community counselling service or get referred by GP but all the time... this book

www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0055DW3WA/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1&tag=mumsnetforu03-21

It started with admitting I deserved better. My anxiety was getting out of control because of my low self esteem. I was lucky to get free counselling from work. I started saying no to things I didn't want to do. Picked up a bit more exercise. I've found a brilliant yoga class that also has meditation and that has really helped me feel more at peace. I'm still working on things (body image is still v poor). Good luck!

Do stuff.

I see students with v v low self esteem all the time. They are paralysed, terrified to do anything in case they fail but also convinced they already are a failure.

I would actually say STOP focusing on yourself and go out and do things. Go to the gym. Seriously, just go. Get an hour of personal training so you have a plan and a purpose then stick to it. Start a hobby you think you might like. Maybe do a course or volunteer.

After a bit, I think you will notice that you get taken out of yourself. You stop thinking so obsessively about whether you're good enough and just relax and enjoy a bit more.

I honestly think many people today focus on their own selves so much and it doesn't make them happy. Look outwards more

I think I do need to say yes and not no. Saying no to things is not my problem!

Thank you for all of the kind words.

Nothing really. It just came with age.
I got to around 30 and just completely altered. Up until then I wouldn’t say boo to goose. Talk about taking years to grow into yourself.

Jordan Peterson says there’s so such thing as self esteem
Must be really though
Good luck op

Exercise, get some happy endorphins, I love to cycle and run. Trick is buy some lovely sports gear to wear and it will help you want to go.

Once you love it.... maybe join a club, feels like a step too far but keep taking those small steps.

Jordan Peterson should hang out round our way if he thinks that!

What floats your boat, OP? Find things you love and do them. Through that may come awareness of what you like about yourself. Therapy helped me a lot, especially with where I’d got those negative beliefs about myself. Doing work I find worthwhile and love helps too. I will say it’s a work in progress in that I’m a lot better than I was in some areas, but will probably always struggle with others. It’s about balance - if there is enough to feel positive about it helps me accept the negatives and be kinder to myself.

Jordan Peterson says there’s so such thing as self esteem

If you think 'why would anybody like me' then surely that is low self esteem?

@MakeMeARainbow

There's nothing subjectively wrong with you either, you know? Your perspective's just wobbled and got a bit off-kilter, that's all.

You find things that nurture you and keep you going, so you can stop focusing on the bits that stress you out. People help, if you can find the right ones. And you help yourself to find the right ones by finding the good bits in you that you want other people to see and like too.

And the one thing that you really have to do to fix yourself is this: realise you're not broken. You never were. People made you believe you were, and that's not your fault. And then you flip it round in your head and you find the things that make you feel better just so you can prove them all wrong!