I've been a crap mum, please help!

[hubblebubble88]

So my children are 7,4 and 3. My 7yo I suspect has ARFID and only eats particular foods. I have struggled mentally since my pregnancy with her and eventually I became extremely ill at the start of the year, ending up in hospital. Anyway, due to her suspected ARFID and my illness I got stuck in feeding all 3 of my children what she eats.

This is either;
-Fish fingers/sausage/nuggets and chips (DD will only eat fish fingers)
-Sausages (Heck chicken ones) and pasta with grated cheese.

This is on a rotational basis, one night one thing another night the other. My middle child loves meat, my youngest isn't bothered about it but will try things. My boys love risotto, stir fries and tacos. My daughter will only eat the taco shell and fill it with grated cheese so she ends up hungry. If I do the risotto I have to do her a separate meal, if I do the stir fry she would only eat the noodles.

I ended up stuck in the pattern of the above because I could barely look after us all so I couldn't deal with giving her separate meals all the time.

I'm doing much better and want to fix this desperately. What can I do? Where do I start? I don't want my children to end up with scurvy or end up with cancer one day because I fed them processed food constantly! They take multivitamins but I'm very aware this isn't good enough.

I get stuck in a rut with meals - and I have 2 who will eat most things - so firstly give yourself a break! They are all loved.

I would try to expand what you are cooking now to give your yonger 2 more variety while still giving your eldest the option to just choose what she can manage
so:
Pasta - with a separate sauce for the boys with chopped sausage peppers and tomato, or sausage broccoli and pesto. DD can just have the cheese if she prefers (but always give her the option)
Sausages or Chicken thighs with roasted veg in a deep baking tray in the oven, you can always do fish fingers on a separate tray above it

There is an American blogger "MerricksArt who posts what she has cooked for her family each week (among other things) - she does snack trays in muffin tins which you could adapt for a snack tea too

The best thing you can do it to introduce new foods consistently. My dd barely ate solid food, it's incredibly difficult but I found that by introducing fun elements I could get her to try things eg sitting on the floor to eat on a picnic rug - putting wraps and various fillings in the centre. Make their own pizzas. Micky mouse savoury filled pancakes (one large blob with two ear blobs, surprisingly easy). It was a 10 year process to get her to get a normal diet, actually she's still fussy as an adult

Some ideas from things that I make and my kids. Homemade chicken nuggets. Homemade fish fingers or fishcakes. Homemade tomato pasta sauce with loads of hidden veg. Would they eat spaghetti Bolognese or tuna pasta?
Would they eat homemade blended soup like sweet potato, lentil and carrot or Tesco's nannas magic soup?
Quorn sausages might be a change.
If I do a processed meal like nuggets I try and do potatoes instead of chips and peas or beans to make it a bit healthier.
We don't do tacos but deconstructed fajitas.... Plain chicken pieces, grated cheese, chopped up avocado, wraps, tomato/cucumber/corn/grated carrot or any veg you think they might eat.
Homemade pizza with pineapple, corn.
Homemade Sweet potato fries instead of chips.
Egg and toast (fruit like mashed banana afterwards)
Beans and toast with fruit for dessert

I wouldn't worry too much - you sound like a great mum for caring so much. Glad you are feeling better.

Its sounds like you have had a tough time but its absolutely changeable.Are you getting help for your daughters issues ? To widen her diet at all ? I would start with things that incorporate parts of your daughters diet can you make homeade nuggets and fish fingers ? if your daughter will eat sausages I would cook sausages but makes sausage and mash with Yorkshire and lots of veg / toad in the hole then she can eat the bits that are ok for her and your other children get a nice meal. With pasta if she has it plain you can still add loads of stuff for your other children makes sauces , add veg and meat for them make spaghetti bolognese and lasagne . With tacos or wrap I'd do loads of veg, toppings and then shove some nuggets in for her to go with the shell and cheese. With fish fingers I would serve jacket potatoes and vegtables. I would still make stir fry and risotto just plate up the part she will eat and add something so if she has noodles , grated cheese and fish fingers for example no it's no ideal but the others ate getting a good meal and she is eating what she is able to.

Thank you :) shes so difficult because nearly everything she eats has to be dry (except yoghurt). She wouldnt eat homemade things because she'd know they were different, but my boys would.

I need to get help for her now as its been 6 years but I've always felt I'd be dismissed as her being a fussy eater, but it's more than that. There is genuine fear there, she will cry and shake. Sometimes she will lick things but will need to have a drink to instantly take the taste away.

My eldest was a 'fussy' eater I imagine would have been arfid if I knew about it. It turned out he had autism so was afraid of change, foods touching etc.
Anyhow long before I knew about that I tackled his diet. It wasn't easy. There were many tears on my behalf. And it took a long time. Maybe a year or so to get him to a normalish diet. Now he works as a chef and tries anything!
Anyhow I started by just putting a teaspoon af a new food on his plate. Now bear in mind he could taste the difference between different brands of pasta, this might just have been a different pasta brand to start with, or the pasta in a different shape. I did this for a few days in a row - same food. Tiny amount on his plate. After a few days I would encourage him to take a taste. Literally a lick would do off a different spoon that didn't need to then touch the food again that he wanted to eat. No pressure after that to keep going. Praise when tasted. Do that for a few days. Then take a full mouthful. If at that point he liked food might give it as a meal on its own or I might swap to trying a different new one. They say it take 30 tries to like something/change a habit.

Over time I could see which were flavours he really didn't like so didnt continue them and which he didn't like simply as they were new, if that makes sense.