Emotional Affair

[Grannybags]

A friend has accused me of having an emotional affair with a mutual friend. We are all female. Granted me and this woman are good friends - my husband says we are like twins but both of us are the evil twin. We do share everything and text all the time. We do hug but there is not and never has been anything sexual between us.
The reason this came about is that I made a comment to the other woman about the other friend being my ‘best friend.’She said my husband should be my best friend. She then arranged for us to have coffee and spoke to me about it as she has concerns. She feels we rely on each other too much and that it is detrimental to our marriages.
My husband says she is just jealous and interfering - do people on here agree?

Is she drunk? Or is there more you're not saying?

This is how relate defines an emotional affair

www.relate.org.uk/blog/2015/7/28/whats-emotional-affair

Be really honest, does any of it ring true?

Is she the jealous type?

What a sticky beak!

How bizarre that she is THAT concerned to what amounts to none of her business.

You have a lovely husband and a lovely best friend, what’s wrong with that? She sound like she has a crush on you or the friend and wants to put a stop to it.

I agree with your husband. She's bonkers. Also I love that you're both the evil twin! Tell her to stick her "concerns" about your relationships up her arse.

I don’t think she was drunk when she said it! She is quite lonely as she is divorced and she was trying to make our chat like a ‘learn from my mistakes’ type thing.
The bit that got to me was saying that my husband should be my best friend. DH and I are close and he doesn’t have an issue with my friendship with the best friend. We socialise with her and her husband a couple of times a month.
The only thing best friend and I talk about that I don’t talk to DH about is connected with the menopause!
Seriously - I feel like I’m back in High school.

Sounds like she might be lonely and jealous that you described someone other than her as your BFF....... maybe thinks that if she creates distance between you and BFF that you’ll default to spending more time with her?
I think she’s wrong about how your DH should be your BFF as well as your DH - no-one can fulfil all the roles in someone’s life, it’s healthy to have a range of people to share with and rely on.
As you were OP!

Thanks for the link - I’d not heard of an emotional affair before so wasn’t sure what I was being accused of!
My husband is now making jokes about me being ‘on the turn’ etc. He’s such a comedian. I haven’t told best friend yet - there is some history between her and the other friend from way back. We are having dinner with best friend and husband tonight so DH will make some joke about it I’m sure!

Sounds like she learned a new word off the telly and wanted to try it out without thinking about what she was actually saying/doing. She sounds like hard work. If no one out of you, your best friend, or the DHs actually think this is an issue then she can jog on.

Lonely and extremely jealous !
Don't loose your bestie because she thinks you shouldn't have any friends !
Tell her to keep her nose out, her "chat" was bang out of order.

Give her some leaflets of groups that happen in your area, You never know might be the push she needs. Sometimes you have to just be blunt, and tell her how aggravated her "chat" made you.

@WhatTiggersDoBest I think that may be close to the truth. Maybe she doesn’t even know what it means? (Or maybe I’m just being too nice) Her ex husband had an affair so maybe she is ultra sensitive?
Anyway, PPs are right - none of her business. I was curious to see what people thought as when I googled it I read an article about your husband having to be your best friend. I think it was in Cosmopolitan or some such magazine so probably only applies to young people, not knackered old grannies!

My DH and my 2 closest friends are all classed as my best friends. They each bring something so important to the table, and help support me as much as I support them. My DH is fine with this, intact his BF is one of their husbands! They were our Best Man and Maid of Honour at our wedding in June. Define your relationships in the way you want, we're all different. And tell this other person to keep her oar out of it.

She's just jealous, I have a best friend we are very close and hubby doesn't mind at all as he knows the relationship I have with him is different, and we go out as a foursome when we can, we all need a girly Bestie, I would tell her it's none of her business.

She's jealous and ever so slightly nuts. Just ignore her.

My husband is categorically not my best friend. Never has been. 20'years on I have many other wonderful female friends. They are my ride or dies.

She's just jealous.

Thanks for all your thoughts. Saw bestie and her DH last night and mentioned what had been said. It turns out that the issues she had in the past with this woman were deeper than she had said. She hadn’t told me the full extent as she didn’t want to be seen to be choosing my friends for me but basically I’m better off keeping this woman at arms length. Lesson learned.
Oh and both husbands thought the whole thing was hilarious.