Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

Original poster

Punishment for a 6 year old

13 replies

working9till5 · 21/09/2019 11:23

Hi all, just hoping for some advice on how to apropriately "punish" my 6 year old. Yesterday I picked him up from school and was told by his teacher that for the last 2 weeks his behaviour has been awful especially towards teachers telling them that they can't tell him what to do and not doing what he's asked to do. I hate this type of behaviour in other kids and to hear that my child is doing it really made me feel awful. He is a well behaved child at home we've never had tantrums or any major issues and if anything people comment on how well behaved he is. But i'm guessing in school for some reason he decided he is allowed to misbehave. Everyday i ask him how was school and lately he has been saying he has no friends and "teachers are angry with him" but failed to say why... i obviously told him off but then approached him.in a calm way and had a long talk about it. He is very clever and he knows exactly what he's done is wrong but still did it. So as a punishment I literally banned him from everything this weekend no tv, no tablet time, no days out and no watching his favourite tv show he looks forward to each week. Am I being too harsh? Is it too much? What would you do in this situation?

Regarding the school i had this issue before where he would do something and they wouldnt tell me for weeks and then 3 weeks later boom. I was thrn trying to adress issues with him that haplend 3 weeks ago which for a child in F1 or year 1 is too long. It really angers me that for 2 weeks they kept his bad behaviour quiet like everything was ok. How can i address issues with him if i don't know about them...

OP posts:

Soola · 21/09/2019 11:26

I would do the opposite and offer a reward for good behaviour instead of punishing him.

Your punishment is very harsh for a young child who may turn the resentment of having all pleasures removed at home into surly behaviour at school.

At that age I found praise and rewards more beneficial than punishments.

Soola · 21/09/2019 11:27

Your punishment for him also means you will have a horrible time.

Weekends should be about joy and doing things together.

GreenTulips · 21/09/2019 11:29

Ask school to do a home/school diary so they can write in any difficulties, explain you want to work with them to help your child.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

6 year olds Behaviour & development Families General education

Original poster

working9till5 · 21/09/2019 11:34

I can assure you that he gets rewarded for good behaviour all the time.

OP posts:

Original poster

working9till5 · 21/09/2019 11:36

Soola, yes thanks I am aware of that but when he has been behaving that bad i am not going to take him out as a treat he always gets for good behaviour.

OP posts:

Toffeecakes · 21/09/2019 11:44

Yeah I think taking everything is a bit much for a 6 year old and also because it's for overall behaviour rather than specific incidents, which is hard for him to unpick and amend.

I'd start from fresh, there's nothing that can be done about the previous behaviour, reward the good stuff more than you usually would today so he can earn his things back, then communicate with the school regarding specific incidents. The diary is a good idea, then you can react to specific incidents.

The other thing that needs to happen is communication about what punishment was given in school for each incident. There's no fairness in punishing him twice but if you know you can speak to him about it once he is home. If he knows you know straight away then it's likely that will be enough to deter him from making poor choices.

The bottom line is that he's doing it because he knows he can. School needs to be hotter on dealing with behaviours straight away and communicating all information to you so that you can deal with it when he gets home. A blanket punishment for 2 weeks worth of behaviour isn't going to have any effect because he can't redeem himself, which is the point of any punishment IMO,

Toffeecakes · 21/09/2019 11:45

Sorry, I've seen your posts saying he's rewarded all the time - I'm not implying that you don't reward him.

It's a hard situation, but I think school is the key to the solution rather than you ruining your own weekends with him.

TheRLodger · 21/09/2019 11:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DNAwrangler · 21/09/2019 11:46

I think it's too much too soon. What if the behavior continues/escalates - you've nowhere left to go! Also, what are you actually going to do this weekend, stare at the wall?

How about doing some school role playing games with him? Or watching a film/TV series set in a school so you can talk about various behaviors? Or a drawing about school? Draw the best/worst part of your day and the like.

Or ask him how HE plans to rectify things (being ready to guide him). He might surprise you and come up with something good (sorry card for teacher etc).

Iamenough · 21/09/2019 11:47

Has his class changed? Different classmates might have something to do with his behaviour? His normal friends are not there and maybe a new teacher, that's a lot of change and to adapt quickly.

Are there certain subjects he may need more work on? Year 2 can be tough as they no longer 'play' adapting to times tables and spellings can send children's brains spinning....

Or perhaps he is bored??

I too agree with PP the punishment is too hard. I think you need to have a chat and ask him why? Show you are there to support and make things good again. Keep talking to his teacher and make sure your son is present.

Original poster

working9till5 · 21/09/2019 12:01

Thank you guys i like your advise. Yes it is a new teacher and some kids changed(they mixed classes). I felt awful taking everything away from him hence the post.

OP posts:

DNAwrangler · 21/09/2019 12:13

You sound like a great, caring mum

I think in your position I'd explain to him that I overreacted, and reinstate all TV etc. But I'd also stress that I overreacted out of worry, and that he needs to make amends and change his behavior.

And then I'd ask for his suggestions and come up with something together.

He's more likely to be on board if it's his own suggestion.

3teens2cats · 21/09/2019 13:06

A sudden change in behaviour like this rarely happens for no reason. I would focus my energy on finding out what that reason might be. Is he trying to impress new peers? Trying to assert his position in the new group? He will not be able to explain this properly at 6 but worth considering. As the behaviour is happening at school, you really need to have a proper chat with them. They may not have mentioned it until now because the new teacher is still getting to know them and children need a few weeks to settle back in. I think punishment like you have done will make him angry and resentful.

Flip