Want to submerge myself in this & never come up

[FirstDayOffInMonths]

Just ran a bath.
I’ve never felt lower than I do now.
Found out my ex (we were married 28 years) got married on Monday both my sons attended . No one said anything.
I saw a post on Facebook.
He cried to me last week.
I feel there is no point
No one has any respect for me
What is the point ?
I live in a room
I’ve worked & work every hour I can
Last week I walked 25 miles in a day to get to my cleaning jobs because I don’t want to let anyone down.
I feel like I’ve been kicked in my stomach over & over again
There literally is no point
I work for what ?
I have no one to talk to
It’s friday night & I have no one
What happened?
I’ve never felt so alone in my entire life

This
This filthy scummy bath is what I want to just go in

I love a bath when I'm feeling down. I stick on a meditation video on YouTube (the honest guys are very good), and just forget about the world for a bit.

I am so sorry this has happened. Do you think your sons didn't tell you as they didn't want to upset you? It must feel very bleak just now but this will pass. Can you reach out to your sons?

Sorry you are feeling rubbish.
Remember his bad habits and be glad they are someone else's to deal with.
Ime bed after a bath is bliss.

I have no idea.
I tried calling one of them (he’s 20) & got ‘I’m not having this conversation on a Friday night & im not taking the shit for it when it wasn’t my decision ‘
I replied that I wasn’t going to give him shit & I hoped he enjoyed his night out.
I hadn’t left him a message of anything

Your sons were probably trying to protect you in their own awkward way. Is the 20 year old the oldest? Can you sit down with them in a few days and talk it through?

Ps the bath looks lovely.

Aww...💐💐. You're right that is really rubbish. But I'm sure there are lots of people who respect you. I for one have so much respect for a strong work ethic. You're doing your best despite the blows you've been dealt and you can't ask for more than that from yourself right now. Give yourself a break and believe it will get better. And let yourself grieve again, it's ok.
Start writing down everything you think and feel. Everything you'd say to him, everything you'd say to a friend. Keep a diary and write down something per day that made you smile or laugh. It can be something as small as the birds singing, a good cuppa, a meal that really hit the spot. Over time you'll find the list may increase as you find joy in life again and more things make you happy. I'm rooting for you. 🧚

You will be OK. You will get through.

To your sons, you are their mum; the only one they will ever have. They might not understand how fragile you are feeling, but given time, and it may take a few years before they realise, they will. They're young, and probably didn't want to hurt you by discussing their father's wedding. It is awful seeing your parents in pain so I imagine they thought they were doing best by you.

Have your bath, scrub away all the crap you have had to deal with this week and try to think of all the positive things that have happened. As Frankly said, try to think of one good thing every day - you made a great cup of tea, the perfect sandwich, the sun is shining - anything that makes your day just a little more pleasant.

If you are really struggling and just need to talk to someone, please call The Samaritans. Just someone listening can help.

I care x

How are you, OP? I hope you've had a better day.