Air of Authority!

[EdtheBear]

I need to develop an "Air of Authority" quickly.

DS listens, never messes about for some adults and treats others with contempt including me.

Watching the people he listens too they seem to have an Air of Authority about them. How do I do it?

I dont know , but my Gran had it down to a fine art , if she said jump even the carpet did

Hopping this bump will get you some answers .

Few words said not too fast with correct tone of voice (low but firm) and eye contact (sometimes with raised eyebrows).

Sam Beckett that's it exactly some people just seem to have it as a fine art, at one point I thought it was an age thing but he listens to his swim teacher who must only be about 20!

Username I'll try that!

I don’t think I have an air of authority at all, but I’ve always been told that dc behave for me when they don’t necessarily do so everywhere else.

I don’t raise, or change my tone of voice, I simply state my expectations from the off, and if applicable the reasons and the consequences of not obeying. I don’t dangle carrots as rewards, more that doing things my way will be fun, disobeying won’t be. And I just assume they’ll listen, and calmly follow through if they don’t, rather than shouting or issuing threats.

Train spotting - keeping calm might be where I need to start. I do end up as a rambling shouting nagging mess. Your right I've never heard anybody with that persona raise their voice - they just don't seem to need to - how do you keep calm?

Don't talk too fast or slow. Don't allow your voice to get higher in pitch the more annoyed you are. Do not repeat yourself. You are not asking for cooperation and it is not up for discussion. You are stating what is GOING to happen and this is not a democracy. Give instructions as though you fully expect them to be followed and if you make a threat, you only make it once.

Once you've said it, follow it through, even if it makes your life harder. If you've said no screen time unless you pick up your toys, it goes like this. DS, pick your toys up please. DS, I've asked you to pick your toys up, if you don't do it now, I'll take your tablet away. Then if he still hasn't started in 3 seconds, pick up the tablet and take it away. Do not give in if he screams and cries and starts tidying up. Don't say anything, just calmly follow through and don't ever threaten something you aren't willing to carry out. If you give him another chance after he has tested you then you undermine yourself.

I can’t claim any credit for remaining calm because it’s not an effort. I’ve got one hell of a temper when genuinely angered by eg cruelty but don’t get annoyed in the normal sense. So even kids behaving badly aren’t something that in anyway provokes me. The only time they have is older children being knowingly unkind/ cruel to younger dc or animals, and as my anger generally is the colder type, certainly at a lower level, I think the calmness of my voice combined with the content of whatever I’ve chosen to say is probably more scary than if I’d screamed.

Tbh I think I just treat them a bit like I’m handling horses or dogs but with words instead of body language!