Kids seeing ex-in-laws. Should I be helpful?

[Aboyinabuggy]

Interested to hear what others would do in this situation.

STBXH left me earlier in the year. Multiple affairs. General twattery. Left us (kids age 6 and 2) for a 23yo. He is 50. That relationship seems to have ended (unsurprisingly).

XILs aren't the nicest of people. All about money money money. Nasty about everyone. Constant criticism (of me, of the children, of any decision made by me). Hard work. Very demanding when visiting. I've always been glad when they've gone.

But STBXH isn't helping them come down to visit (they are about 5.5 hours away) - as his busy important single life takes priority apparently. He's in a two bed flat and the children share the spare room one night EOW.

I think they should visit one long weekend when he has the children, and they can stay two nights rather than one

But he's always got some excuse.

So they have messaged me saying can they stay with me, to visit the children.

70% of me thinks no way- they need to discuss properly with their own son to find solutions. Not my problem anymore. I've still got a lot of stress and shot to deal with, with what he's done. This bit is for him to sort out.

The rest of me thinks I should just be nice and suck it up...

You're not married any more, dont do his wife work! He chose to exit the marriage, this is one of the many consequences of that, which are his to deal with. I would send them a polite reply to say 'sorry, that wont work for me, you'll need to sort that out with your son'. Dont get any more drawn in than that, if they come back and whinge direct them back to him.

Nope. It’s up to ex to sort out.

Heck no, point them in the direction of your ex!

Also ask yourself this, would he do this for you? Would he facilitate your parents seeing the kids to the point they would be comfortable contacting him directly and staying with him in order to see the kids?

I'm in a similar situation and I've really had to learn to put my foot down. I'm still involved with mine far more than I want to/should be.

In your situation definitely they should stay elsewhere.

Nope.
They need to keep badgering their son.

Thanks all. I am reading every response. Loud and clear!

And no - he wouldn't do the same for mine. And I don't get the impression he's refusing them - just can't be arsed / can't or won't prioritise.

No chance! Just say
Please arrange visits with your son. Thanks

Agree that if they stayed in a hotel they could take dc out on daytrips. Bonus is you get a break.

’The BEST part about having an ex is that the ILs are no longer your responsibility, hurrah!’

So true. It still makes me smile.

Suggest that they ask their son to put them up in a hotel for one of the weekends when the DC are with their father.

I was estranged from one half of my family because their wasn't effort by either of my Parents.

By rights, my Dad should have made it happen, but i still resent my Mother for not recognising that i was going to miss out.

I'd be inclined to go with a visit and see how they are, before you cut your children off from one half of their family.