How should I tell the tutor?

[IamAporcupine]

DS7 has a new music teacher. She is very good, he really likes her and has improved a lot in a short period of time.

We went to her house for lessons a few times, and she has come to ours too. In at least three occasions she has brought her son (around 10yo). It was over the summer break so I thought she might be struggling with childcare. But now that the term started it has happened again.

The first time I could hear the boy on his phone from upstairs. I assumed he was in the kitchen talking, but DS told me later that he was in the same room with them. On the other occasions, he watched videos (with sound) on his phone and moved around the room quite a bit. His mum tells him to be quiet, but he it keeps happening.

DS didn't say anything at first but after the last lesson he said that he is finding it annoying and distracting.

I know I have to say something, I just don't know how to phrase it.
I don't want to upset her as she is lovely.

Are you paying her?

It’s completely unprofessional for her to bring her child along.

Why are you hesitant about telling her that the son is not welcome when you have hired her to tutor your son?

@Soola - yes I am paying her. And she was quick to remind me I hadn't done so when I took a few days to transfer the money
(nothing wrong with that, of course, I mention it because it seems to be in contradiction with the rest)

Why are you hesitant about telling her that the son is not welcome when you have hired her to tutor your son?
Because I am a mug?

Did her son distract yours when you went to her house for a lesson, or was he in his room? Perhaps you could suggest going back to that arrangement so your son can concentrate on the lesson without distraction.

@Knittedfairies - he was going up and down the stairs but I do nto think that distracted DS much.
We could in theory go back to that arrangement, but it is not always convenient for us.

I would look for another teacher tbh. She must be aware that her child is causing some disruption to the lesson and she is neither ensuring that he doesn't or leaving him in the care of someone else. I do get that she is asking him to be quiet, but he isn't complying.

Considering music lessons will not be cheap, this would annoy me too much for it to continue. I would ask her not to bring him again or make other arrangements. (And the "quick to remind me" about the money transfer would also annoy me, but only because I was already irritated.)

I don't think you are a mug, it isn't easy to say something to somebody that you know they aren't going to like hearing it.

If you don’t want to stop the son coming round what about suggesting a compromise?

As they come through the door say to her that the son can sit with you in X room so as not to disturb the lesson in the other room.

If he or the mother objects then you must stand your ground.

‘Hi x, DS really enjoys his lessons and likes you a lot, but I’m afraid it’s too distracting to have your son present for the lessons. We would rather it’s just you from now on - thanks so much!’

Boom. Done. If she objects she’s being unprofessional.

@TheNoodlesIncident - thanks. We changed teachers twice already, I would not want to change again. Plus she is good, and DS likes her.

So do I have to tell her.
I will either ask her not to bring him again, or say that he can stay in the kitchen during the lesson? Although I am not sure I want to leave him alone in the kitchen...

Is it too bad if I do this by text?

@AtrociousCircumstance - I like that, thanks!

A friend of mine suggested to ask her 'if her son could watch the videos without sound'?

No. She is obviously worse than me