Really struggling with DD 8 months

[bananallamas]

Not sure what I want but mainly a handhold I think. I'm really struggling with DD 8 months and just with life in general. She is my first and we had a bit of a rough start, she was a few weeks early, jaundice, struggled with BFing, had awful silent reflux until about 4 months. But after a while we settled into a bit of a rhythm.

Then her sleep went massively downhill around 6m. Napping for max of 30 mins, but then waking up overtired, needing another nap soon after, another 30 mins etc etc. Waking multiple times per night, not going back to sleep. It has never really improved. The only way I can get her to nap properly is in the pram so I am walking miles each day. Trying to get her to nap in her cot involves 30-40 mins of her crying and me trying to settle her, eventually she passes out and then wakes 30 mins later. This morning she slept for a grand total of 5 mins before waking and refusing to be resettled.

She had been BFing ok, she was mixed fed and I would pump a few times a day and she would have a mix of bottles of BM, bottles of formula and also BF when sleepy enough to let me. But she has now gone on a bottle strike and won't BF either. I am so worried about her, yesterday she had a total of 10oz all day. Phoned the doctors and they said as long as she's Had wet and dirty nappies (which she has) and no temperature or vomiting or rash then she's fine, probably teething. They might be right but it's stressing me out. I have an awful fear that she has some terrible illness, but I'm aware this is probably irrational.

I'm exhausted. Waking up several times a night. Walking miles every day. Pumping 3 times a day. Trying to keep on top of the house which looks like a bloody bomb site (and I have already dropped my standards to just "hygienic and habitable"). I'm back at work 3 days a week, DH has her those days as her does shift work. He does more than his fair share, takes her for walks, does chores, etc but he works FT whereas I am PT. I feel like I've barely seen him properly in weeks. Work is stressful and I am basically doing a FT job in 3 days a week for 60% pay. I used to do quite a senior role which I now jobshare but I keep missing out on opportunities and I'm too tired to really give it 100%. Part of me loves going to work as it gives me a break but then the other half feels guilty

We have no family nearby. Pre-baby friends are nice but don't understand so I'm drifting away from them. NCT friends are nice but I've only known them a year, and they all BF no problem, none are back at work yet, all have babies who do 2 hour naps in their cots so they can get stuff done. They even iron their clothes! None of them are sweary, they all seem to have their shit together.

I feel lost, and tired, and bored, and ungrateful. My DD is gorgeous and a delight but hard work and needs constant attention. But this is a lot harder than I thought it would be. I can't even put a load of washing out or make a cup of tea. I am currently sat on a bench in a park while she sleeps in the pram and I'm cursing a duck who keeps quacking loudly and I'm worried it will wake her up. This is not what I thought life would be like.

Wow that was long. Well done if you got this far. Please send me words of wisdom.

Op it sounds like you’ve got it coming at you from all angles.

First, you’re doing great. DD is happy, healthy and cared for. Try not to look at the other mums and see their ‘perfect’ lives. They could well have babies that aren’t sleeping a wink but are just glossing over it.

Don’t worry about the state of the house. It will look like a bomb site some days(weeks/months) but that’s ok. We don’t have to live in a show home. We just need clean clothes.

In terms of day naps, if DD is waking up or not resting well. Is she trying to move from 3 naps to 2 a day? Is it worth letting her get up after half an hour and keeping her up for 2-3hrs before letting her try again? Getting a good day sleep pattern makes the night sleeps loads better too.

Hopefully if you can get her sleep better it’ll knock on to make you feel more rested. I’m not surprised you don’t feel up to giving more at work because you’re stretched thin as it is.

I remember DS (now one) going off his bottle when he was teething badly. It was worrying but it didn’t last long. If DD is having solids can you try her on watermelon? DS loved munching that when teething.

I cried once after spending 45 minutes getting him down for a nap for him to wake up after 10 like he’d slept for a week.

The duck things did make me laugh as I’ve wanted to scream at the binmen who were shouting back and forth as my DS just nodded off!

Pop her in her playpen with a teething toy when you get in and have a cup of tea. You’re doing so well. It’s hard, but it will pass.

Does your DD have any symptoms of a dairy allergy? My DD and my friend's DS behaved very similarly and in both cases it was CMPA. I would have expected it to be picked up a bit sooner but it's definitely a possibility.

Also, if it's any consolation at all, my DD spent the first year of her life only napping ON me in 30 minute to an hour (if I was lucky) stretches after I bounced her up and down on a yoga ball for 20 minutes. Then she hit 13mo and started reliably napping in her cot for anything from 2-3.5 hours. They way they are now isn't the way they'll stay, I promise.

Quick reply just to ask what would CMPA look like in an 8 month old please? I asked GP about it when she had silent reflux when younger but she said she would have rashes and vomiting...

Hmm, that's not true at all. Vomiting definitely not - that's why it's called silent reflux! My DD did get a little bit of a rash around her mouth occasionally but honestly the main symptoms were silent reflux, rejecting her bottle and restless sleep. Within a week of being on the dairy-free formula she was a different baby.