What made you say enough is enough?

[Tatiannatomasina]

Would anyone who has escaped a domestic violence situation be willing to share what made you leave in the end? And how were you able to sustain your decision?
I work with victims of domestic violence (not UK based) and the majority are still in a relationship with their abuser. They are offered access to support, services and court orders to prevent the abuser from having contact with them, yet most choose to stay, usually to the detriment of themselves and their children. I wish there was more that we could do, and want to make a difference to the women I work with.

I said to myself that if my daughter was affected by his behaviour then I would leave. She was and I did.
There is very little support and DV is rife.
I only know what's available as a friend told me.

I stopped loving him because I fell in love with someone else (who didn't know at the time, I kept it to myself)

I kept kidding myself that what I was experiencing wasn't domestic violence because he didnt hit me or keep me isolated but he did put hands on my throat, shove me, break my stuff and emotionally and financially abuse me. I'd make plans about how I was going to leave him in a year's time but what made me finally do it..
He came home drunk and because I wasn't there as I was sorting a situation out with my son's car he kicked off, tried to boot the front door off it's hinges, went for me and the kids were crying upstairs and then I thought enough was enough. I kicked him out 3 days later..after speaking with work about everything..he'd made threats to come and beat the crap out of every male I worked with.
I'm ashamed to say it wasn't how my kids were affected that made me leave, I just thought what I was going through was normal in a way. I stopped loving him and then I saw what he was doing to the kids and myself and I felt awful. But we are doing great now, kids are so much happier too

I left very slowly - every opportunity I had to take a step further away I did, over a period of about a year. I got a new job (we'd worked together), after yet another argument where he broke up with me I arranged moving out before he wanted to be back together again (I was too scared to say no each time), and then when he asked when I was moving back in, I said I wasn't. That finally ended it, and I had enough distance and strength (and therapy) by that point to keep saying no. It wasn't one thing, I knew I'd needed to leave for ages, and somehow managed to do it with as little collateral damage as possible. No shared kids involved which obviously simplified it. Still the hardest and best thing I've ever done.

Because i KNEW the day i ran out the door literally (with nothing)would have been the day he killed me.
And years later found out from him that he would of.

My ex had a huge chip on his shoulder and was a nasty emotional abuser more than physical (although I’m sure it would have been if I’d stayed as the signs were there).
My friends had stopped calling and he was now working on my family. On one occasion he snarled that my parents weren’t as good as I thought they were. This was my lightbulb moment as I knew that they most certainly were! It was this statement that gave me the strength to leave.
The most important factor in me moving out was that I had somewhere to go. Conditions of my employment stated that I had to live in work accommodation. This accommodation had been allocated to me and he had refused to move into it, so it was there, empty the whole time I was married to him. I’m not sure how I would’ve managed without it. I was lucky.

You are all so brave, I can't even imagine how scared you must have been and you did it anyway.

Hi there I'm a newbie on MN 🙋‍♀️
I can't speak for myself, but I do remember when mum left who I call our 'real father'. She finally had the resources to get from Scotland to Southampton on public transport. She sold her car and we left when he wasn't home. 2 days of trains, buses and taxis later we were safe. Although I know he was aware she was planning to leave, and I believe he did a lot to prevent her, legally and violently. Also she had somehow realised that he was manipulating her when he would tell her she couldn't survive without him, and nobody would ever help her.
I hope this helps. DV is shit balls. Thanks for being a warrior against it!

I left when ex was pulling DD (mid teen) hair. He claimed it was a joke and just a bit of fun, but she was in real distress at his refusal to let go and I had to intervene. I packed our stuff and left with DCs while he was at work. I'd signed for a tenancy, he still doesn't know where we are, and DC refuse to talk to him by their choice.

He threatened my then 15 year old DD the day before her 16th birthday. He taunted her saying that if she retaliated he'd say it happened the next day and she'd be arrested for Assault. All bull shit but it was enough. I told a friend who was not known for his astuteness in relationships and he replied ' you'll end up one of those dead women on the news'.

We went the next day. My boss had a flat that she rented out that was empty. We literally got a van and took the essentials. My mum paid the rent and deposit for me.
Otherwise I don't know what I would have done. We were lucky-we were able to escape.