F^[king Anxiety

[OrangeJustice]

Am exhausted from being anxious yet anxiety is keeping me awake.

Anyone else?

Sorry you’re anxious. I’m awake too but I have a fractured knee and struggling to get comfortable in bed. Can you listen to sleep sounds?

I wake around 3am every morning with a panic attack so I’m here

Ouch that sounds painful. Have you got good drugs to take?

I’m trying sleep sounds but they all annoy me I’ve tried some stories too but nothing seems quite right.

I’m very restless but dc are light sleepers so I don’t want to get up and do anything however quiet as they’ll stir and they know I’m in a bad way at the moment and I don’t want them worrying. Plus dd will want to come in bed with me which will mean she’ll be disturbed with my mithering.

Yeah panic or anxiety attack is how it feels. I know what the trigger is/was and I’ve mentally dealt with it but I can never shake the physical effects off. Then that sets me off again.

I’ve got counselling booked but not for another week.

It’s a crock of shit and then some.

What are your coping strategies @Shadow01?

Im awake thanks to the bloody spider in the bathroom. I have a hatred for them i must say.

How did the spider wake you up? Or are you aware that it’s there and it’s on your mind?

Also annoying that I’ve got a really dry mouth from taking beta blockers for the anxiety so am sipping water so I keep needing to pee.

Ok so I’ve just seen your thread fuckface. Naughty spider! My cat is useless at getting them too. She’s just not bothered. Flies are easy prey though.

I’ve also had to get up to poo

Anyone else still around?

I am. Up now settling toddler back to sleep but hadn't even realised I had been awake for ages processing and going over how I could've done yesterday better. New job.

Hello Orange, sorry you are going through this, must be horrible. Are you staying in bed or have you got up? If I'm awake for a while, I often go downstairs, I'm in the kitchen now listening to the radio, had a cup of tea and a slice of toast! But I see you don't want to disturb your DCs so maybe you have to stay put. Fortunately my DP sleeps like a log (and we have separate rooms). I'll be awake for a while so do chat if you want.

Well done for getting a new job

I’m sure whatever you did was fine but I understand about overanalysing. Hope your toddler lets you sleep now.

@Bloodybridget I’m in bed. I actually dozed off but then the anxiety feeling came barging back in and woke me up. I’m also hungry but can’t eat as I get heartburn if I eat at night so I’ll have to wait for breakfast.

I’ve had three hours sleep and have to be up in 2hrs.

Thanks for joining my pity party.

Oh shame you can't have a snack! My DP has a new trick for the very rare occasions when she can't get to sleep, she goes through the alphabet thinking of three girls' names for each letter. Swears by it! But you have probably tried lots of things, I understand it's not simple.

I just realised, if it was summer it would be light by now.

Yes my mum does a similar thing with the alphabet which works for her. She says she never makes it to Z. I haven’t tried that myself but that might be next.

I’d have called Samaritans tonight if I could have done without waking anyone. And I know I’ll be in a state tomorrow as I’ll be exhausted. I never used to be like this but a small series of minor (in the end) events a couple of years ago totally threw me off course and I can’t get back to how I was before. I’m so flippant and jolly on the outside that nobody would know how messed up my head is

Thank you for your replies

Woke up with a start about half an hour ago with the thought in my head that this was it and I was dying, I have a 10 week old DD who is wriggling around in her cot next to me and I'm scared to fall back asleep in case I don't wake up! Woke my DH for support but he has work in the morning so I've had a cuddle and let him sleep, anxiety is shit - here for a handhold and to offer one back

Yes dh is sleeping next to me as well. I can hear kids mumbling in their sleep in their rooms too. Seems surreal. Congratulations on your little baby It’s odd how these thoughts take over the brain isn’t it. From a tiny seed to full blown catastrophe here in seconds.

Is dd a good sleeper for want of a better phrase?

Battery dying on phone now and charger is downstairs 🙄

It's so horrible, I've had awful postnatal anxiety since the day after my little girl was born and am being supported by the perinatal team and I was telling my keyworker yesterday how well I thought I was doing! I hate how it catches you off guard. Do you have any plans for today? I was hoping to go to our first baby group, maybe that's why I'm a bit on edge. DD is pretty good at sleeping, she normally has 2 bottles in the night and goes straight back to sleep. She will be due one soon but she's not quite awake yet. She's so perfect, and I'm so scared I will die before seeing her grow up.

That sounds very hard to cope with. Are you taking any medication for it? I think having a child totally changes your outlook on life and your own mortality.

Most of my anxiety is health based and the biggest part of that is the thought of my dc growing up without me. Then I think literally 99% of people I know live normal lives with occasional illnesses and unpleasantness now and again but die in old age. I don’t think I know of anyone who has died young and left small dc. But facts make no difference to anxiety do they.

Your dd sounds lovely. Good idea going to baby group. And if you don’t like it you never have to go again! The one in our village has been going since I was a baby and many many firm friendships have been forged there. Hopefully you and dd will enjoy it.

Wishing Orange and everyone else who's awake a bit more sleep and a better night tomorrow.

I'm taking Sertraline and have lorazepam for emergencies - how about you? I didn't really want to go back on meds but I do think they can help you get to a point where you can focus a bit more.

Health anxiety is tough, I've struggled my when life with it but having a child does make it so much more real and scary. I can't believe how much my thoughts have changed since I gave birth.

I try and reassure myself of the facts too, but it's so hard. Especially when anxiety tries to sneak it's own facts in too.

No my GP won’t give me anything other than beta blockers which do help when I’m feeling panicked but don’t tackle the problem as such. He said to have some counselling and see if that helped. I’ve got my first session next week so fingers crossed.

Actually what I think would really help me is a dog. I need motivation for getting outside in the fresh air. But the timings not right for us as a family, mainly financially, so thats a non starter.

Battery on 4% now

@OrangeJustice fist bump back at ya lol!