Unplanned pregnancy, need to talk it through.

[Confusion77]

I can't believe I'm typing this. I've name changed.

This evening I have taken pregnancy test. Positive, no doubts about it.

Dtd 31st August late at night. Again, unplanned, not much wanted. Took MAP Monday a.m. 2nd Sept.

My cycles are a bit hit and miss but the usual way is for me to have shorter cycles, longer periods. Have had some spotting. Bought tests today and here we are.

I have 2 DC, 2 and 4. Split up from husband for almost 2 yrs. He's emotionally abusive, manipulative, moody, controlling. It is him that I dtd with. Once. No one else at all.

I work pt. Rely on family for 2 data childcare. Not yet divorced but planned to do so as soon as 2 yr separation is up.

I have had reasonably difficult pregnancies with very large babies.

That said, under different circumstances, I think I'd go ahead. But the circumstances are as they are and I can stand the thought of thing myself to stbx even more. I don't know how I'd cope physically, or mentally. I can afford to stay in this house after divorce, but would need to move if I had a 3rd child. I'd need a bigger car, it's a struggle to get 2 car seats in mine . I haven't got the money for all this. I can't afford maternity leave on part time wages.

I just can't believe it. It's so upsetting.

I had a surgical termination when I was young, pre children. It really didn't affect me at all. No grieving, nothing. Looking back in horrified as I think It was relatively late.

There's no way I could do that now. It's 2.5 and since dtd, so can't be more than 4.5 weeks.

Someone, please talk to me and be kind. I know I was stupid to allow this to happen but felt I didn't have much choice.

Thanks @PetetheCat I appreciate you saying so. I've been all over the place with my thoughts today, about who to talk to, what to say. I don't think I can tell anyone anything tbh. I don't want my family to know, they're religious and I'd have to tell them about having dtd with him.

I can't make that other appointment. The children will talk, I have no relatives other than close family. I can't risk it.

Could you take a day off work, not tell family who would be having your DC anyway and go to the appointment that way?

BPAS and Marie Stopes are usually very swift.

The appointment is on a day that I don't work. I've just worked out, it's 6 weeks exactly between dtd the consultation.

I was in a situation not dissimilar to yours. I went to BPAS they were brilliant. I was desperate to get it sorted though and went too soon and had to go back.

It was emotionally tough before and after however time has passed and all is well. My advice would be keep in mind that you will feel better no matter how hard it might feel in the next month. I would look ahead to Christmas and know that you can get through this and be content then and for a long long time after.

Thank you. I really struggled today when I called bpas, I just thought the process would be quick. I know I'll start feeling nauseous and tired within a couple of weeks, which will be so bloody hard to cope with. I'm so ashamed to be in this position. What a fool.

I’ve been where you are, my ex was the definition of vile. Dtd one time and it was one time too many ended up pregnant and waited weeks for my appointment, was the worst time of my life knowing I wanted the baby but couldn’t have another by the ex. Don’t feel ashamed, these things happen, just be strong and don’t dtd again 💐

Oh I wont. I won't ever let myself be in that sort of situation with him again. I'm sorry you have been through it too. I wonder if this was his aim with it.

Quite possibly who knows. I wouldn’t tell him nothing positive will come out of it. I never said anything only one person new. Thank you, it sounds like it’s the right decision to make x

Just revisiting this. I have an appointment at the bpas clinic on the 18th Oct. It seems like forever since I posted, and I'm upset that if I had better childcare I could have travelled to the other clinic on the 28th Sept and it would all be over by now. Still, it is what it is.

This evening I have been thinking that I just couldn't go through with another pregnancy, regardless of my life as it is now. I'll be just under 9 weeks on the day of the termination, and I have struggled a lot with "morning" sickness and exhaustion. I cannot imagine carrying on for at least 31 more weeks after that.

I also wanted to thank everyone who replied to this thread, I posted about medical termination too and every reply has been helpful and non judgemental. I have no one at all to talk to, and will be going through the termination alone. So it really helps to have you all to listen, and to offer your thoughts.

@meccacos2 congratulations on your pregnancy, i wish you all the best. I meant to say that before but was a bit overwhelmed.with my own situation.