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Original poster

DS started reception and now wetting himself.

11 replies

Southmouth · 17/09/2019 19:09

My DS has now started school, he is very quiet and shy (although not at home!) but really seems to be enjoying going to school.

However he is very nervous about going to the toilet there, despite it being easily accessible.

He has only been doing half days at the moment and has come out from school most days having either had a accident/slightly wet pants or with a stomach ache from not going.

He has always been very good and going to the toilet, right from a young age and doesn’t need reminding and has never been one to have any accidents. It is only during school hours this is happening.

I haven’t made a big deal about it, and have just reassured him that everyone has accidents at times and suggests to him that he goes off to the toilet before being really desperate.

What more can I do to help him? I’m feeling sad that he’s worrying so much over just being able to go to the toilet and don’t want it to get to a point that he’s worrying about going to school because of it.

OP posts:

Crookshanks24 · 17/09/2019 19:14

Have you spoken to the teacher?
They or their TA will gently encourage and remind to use the toilet.

mankyfourthtoe · 17/09/2019 19:18

He needs a change of clothes and wipes in his bag. Put them in a separate bag inside so no friends see.
Have a word with the teacher and ask her to check he goes at playtime.

FlowerTink · 17/09/2019 19:18

I'd say to the teacher or teaching assistant and they can help in reminding/encouraging him or perhaps saying to the class as a whole about going so he doesn't feel singled out.

Are you taking him in in the mornings ? At our school the cloakroom is right next to the toilets so I'd been saying to my reception child this week casually "oh there's the toilets if you need to go during the day " and that's helped her be confident to go

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Original poster

Southmouth · 17/09/2019 19:44

I will definitely have a word with his teacher in the morning and see if they can casually suggest to him that he goes to the toilet until he starts feeling more confident.

When I drop him off I point him in the direction of the toilets and remind him to go and I think by the sounds of it he goes when he gets there but after that when they then start doing activities or playing outside he then doesn’t feel brave enough to ask or get up and go to the toilet.

The reception children have all been assigned a older pupil for a few weeks to help them get used to the school routine they spend a lot of the day with them, so I have even suggested to him that when he perhaps needs to go to the toilet he lets his ‘buddy’ know but that hasn’t seemed to work either.

OP posts:

SallyWD · 17/09/2019 21:11

My son does this and he's now in year 2! He's just too shy to tell the teacher he needs the toilet. Last week he went to after school club once and actually pooed himself! It's awful. I don't know what the answer is except asking the teacher to encourage him to use the toilet and maybe agree with the teacher that he can go without asking (even if that's not the normal rule).

Original poster

Southmouth · 18/09/2019 06:00

@SallyWD It’s so sad when they are that shy that they’d rather have an accident than have to let the teacher know they need the toilet

I just hope he finds the courage to go soon so it doesn’t get to the point he’s worried about going to school completely.

He also starts full time next week which is going to be even harder for him if he doesn’t start going. Once he’s been a few times I know he’ll be completely fine but it’s just getting to that stage.

OP posts:

Submariner · 18/09/2019 06:20

Both mine did this in reception and if I remember the wetting was fairly short lived. It will be the shyness but also being tired, engrossed in playing, having a whole new routine - there's a lot going on. Keep sending dry clothes in with him. He definitely won't be the only one struggling. I used to have to take my eldest to the toilet before the walk home till quite late on as he'd be bursting.

They both reverted to bed wetting during reception for a time too. I just think keep reassuring him, keep reminding him and yes mention it to the teacher but I'm sure they will be aware it's a common thing.

user1474894224 · 18/09/2019 06:24

Tell the teacher as you say you are going to. They will definitely help. (Or a TA if there is a dedicated one). Send him in for a wee when you arrive at school and also before leaving. It is definitely normal behaviour. The school will be used to it and gradually your son will improve.

Halo1234 · 18/09/2019 06:35

It sounds a bit mean but I did the same as you and told my dd when she wet herself it was ok only an accident dont worry about it. And she took me literally and thought it was ok and nobody cared if you peed your pants so would just have an accident when it was inconvenient to go to the toilet. I would be tempted to give him a gentle nudge that it's not ok not to go to the toilet at school. "Its important you use the toilet. That's what mummy does and daddy does at work. And all the boys and girls at school and even the teacher. Everyone uses the toilet. We dont go in our pants. I would to hear that you have been to the toilet at pick up". If it doesn't work first or second time I would back off though because he is obviously stressed but a little nudge from mum might be enough to get him to go and that will make him happier in the long run. It natural to want to reassure them not to worry about it but sometimes I think that makes them think its more acceptable than it is. Just what i would try. Good luck.

Halfasleep63 · 18/09/2019 06:53

Okay so I NC to post this reply

This used to be me at school, all through yr R I wet myself really frequently. I was painfully shy, but I was also terrified of the toilets. It was a combination of being too scared to tell the teacher, fear of the toilets and I think the new environment meant I wasn't recognising the normal need the toilet feeling.

Is there a reason? Is he particularly scared of his teacher or the toilets? For me our toilets were in a mobile classroom, and had a hole in the wall. And the older girls in there scared me. Could you explore deeper what it is that he doesnt like? Maybe speak to a teacher and see if you could take him into the toilets at some point to reassure him there's nothing to be scared of?

Is there a TA he really likes? If he's too scared to tell the teacher if there's a TA he could tell them. We had an allocated TA I think at the time for reading, so each TA had 10 or so pupils and that was good for me because it was someone approachable who I wasn't scared to talk to. But I don't think there's as many TAs around these days!

I just wanted to reassure you that I did grow out if it! And I am no longer painfully shy, either. He will be okay, it's a massive change school and it can be harder for some children to adjust than others. He won't be doing it on purpose either, when I was little I was really embarrassed about it.

Make sure he has a spare change of clothes with him plus wipes and things to clean him up.

NanooCov · 18/09/2019 14:07

My son just started Reception last week and both the teacher and TA gently encourage all the kids to use the loo throughout the day. I would hope this would be usual for Reception. Some of the kids will be only just four. My son finds it difficult to tear himself away from exciting activities so will swear blind he doesn't need even when doing "the desperate dance" which I made the teacher and TA aware of.

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