To accept that I have mental health issues (long but please bear with me)

[GrannySquares]

I think I finally need to get this out there and realise how bad my head is messed up. I have noticed for the past few months that my mental health has taken a really bad turn. These are the symptoms I have been having which are downright unacceptable because it is my poor DS(3) who is being neglected and I really need to do something.

1. I no longer bother to message or engage with people. I am an introvert anyway but I haven't messaged or spoken to anyone in weeks.

2. I am constantly fatigued and exhausted. No matter how much I sleep, I am tired all the time and I always end up sleeping the day away in the afternoon while my DS just plays/gets upset because he is bored but I'm too tired to do anything

3. I have started to get very snappy with my husband. I snap at the smallest things. If he says anything to annoy me, I end up shouting at him and telling him to leave me alone.

4. phone addiction. This is a major one. I am on my phone constantly (I do not have social media accounts) because I am trying to divert my mind onto something different so I find YouTube videos to randomly watch. This, again, is neglecting my child.

5. I never go out. I lounge in my pyjamas. I don't take a shower for a few days unless I am going out and I just have zero motivation.

I have many more symptoms but I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I am trying so hard to be positive and optimistic but I can't see or get excited about the future. I want to be a better person and a better mum to my DS who is my absolute world. I love him so much. When he is asleep, I go into his room and just stare at him for ages and resist the urge to just wake him up and give him a massive cuddle.

I am a mess

Please make an appointment ASAP and speak to your GP. They will help you get back on your feet so that you can be the mummy your 3 year old needs and deserves. You probably are depressed and need something to help you feel better.

What @deste said. Obviously this isn’t a diagnosis but these are all symptoms associated with depression. Your GP can help

I agree with PP, it sounds like depression. I've been there and have my life back thanks to ADs. You may feel worse before you get better but it's worth it. Please see your GP.

And give yourself for being brave enough to say it out loud. That's a milestone in itself.

I’m not an expert, but in my limited experience (three close family members) it sounds like mild depression (to me).
Get help now before it gets worse.
Good luck.

Thank you for your replies. I am worried that if I go to my GP, he/she will just tell me to have counselling which I have tried before but it didn't help me at all. I have also had a thyroid test as I thought it was perhaps to do with that but that also came back clear :( so has to be something else. I really need to do something! Is anyone on here on AD?

*Is anyone here on AD
*
Since joining MN many years ago, I have learnt how incredibly important decent meds are for managing many mental illnesses and, in particular, the sort of depression symptoms that you described.

Meds are an absolute god send for many thousands of people every day so definitely be pushing GP to start you on something ASAP.

If you're blood sugar / chemicals were wonky, you'd insist on meds and there is no difference in wonky brain chemicals!

It can be a period of trial and error to find the right medication and dose though so the sooner you get started, the sooner you will get back to your old self.

Another massive round of applause from a random internet stranger for you for seeking help - awesome!!

I'm not on ADs myself, but three people very close to me are or have been. They were an absolute godsend in each case.
In one case I'd go as far as to say lifesaver. Literally.
Do go to your GP.

Agree with others that antidepressants could be a big help. If you don't feel your GP is supportive, please see someone who is... Hope you'll can get help to feel better soon.

You can be helped. See a GP and get various blood tests for deficiencies and definitely consider antidepressants. If you don't like the GP or get the brush off, make an appointment to see a different one.

I’m on anti d’a op and they have saved me. I am not and never have been suicidal so I don’t mean they saved my life, they just allowed me to come back from wherever it was I was at, not a good place.

Please please go and speak to your doctor. The stigma surrounding MH is long gone. I know so many people, professionals and otherwise who are taking anti depressants, all for different reasons.

They are not a miracle cure but the right one will work. I started on one that didn’t suit me and changed to another ( I have anxiety and OCD- diagnosed ) and my meds would not be suitable for someone else suffering with say clinical depression.

The feelings of fatigue etc are very real symptoms of MH problems. They can manifest in many ways. You can and will get better

Yes go to your GP the right meds (will likely take trial and error) make all the difference. Once they are then that is the time to consider more counselling

Thank you all so much. I have booked an appointment which is for 3 weeks time unfortunately as it is not an emergency situation... so they say! In the mean time, I'm trying other things to try and stop this horrible darkness overclouding me. It's horrible. I woke up this morning feeling worse than ever! On the outside I appear fine but inside, I am a right mess :(

Well done for making the appointment 😊
What I would suggest now is breaking things down as much as you need to into manageable bits if it feels like tasks are too much, maybe set yourself some small goals of you want to (nothing too big or it’ll be too much pressure). I’m back on citalopram after having come off them, I realise I need them. So today my goals are 1) shower, 2) go out for a walk in the sunshine (I also listen to a podcast so I can ‘switch off’ whilst I walk) and 3) aim for a little bit of studying. Anything more than that with how I’m feeling today is a bonus!

Would anything like that help? Please be kind to yourself, you’re not weak or anything like that. It’s just an imbalance that will be sorted soon and you’ve taken the first step. I’m proud of you

I wanted to say though - I don’t want you to feel that my suggestions were intended to pressure you! If you just need to stay at home and/or do nothing sometimes that’s fine too. I just know from past experience that sometimes I need to see that I’ve achieved something to lift the ‘helplessness’ feeling I get. Hope I’m explaining myself properly

Well done granny, I hope you get the help you need.

How was today, Granny?

@GuyMartinsSideburns that makes total sense to be honest! I think in my head I just need to take it one step at a time. I've still been pretty bad and holed up in bed when my DS has been at childminders. So much stuff needs doing but I just honestly haven't got the oomph or motivation. And not at all! I really enjoy any suggestions that can potentially help me until I go to the doctors to get this sorted out. My head really is in a mess! X

@Sheitgeist
Thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful words. X

@CanISpeakToYourManager
I'm okay-ish today. I do have my really bad days though. I still have an overwhelming anxiety and just worrying about absolutely everything, especially my health. I'm currently under treatment for an ectopic pregnancy after surgery failed which is not helping at all. So every week I have to get blood tests and that's when my anxiety just goes through the roof, wondering whether my results are going to come back abnormal and I'd have to be readmitted again :( x

I'm not surprised you get anxious about blood test results.

If you were to prioritise doing one thing each day, what would it be? For me, when I was bad (with other health problems, not depression), it was showering. I decided that I had to shower every day. Nothing else. I didn't have to see anyone or speak on the phone or get dressed but I did have to shower.

Having said this, I never lost my appetite so I was already making sure I ate every day.

I wonder if you have something that you want to prioritise? Just while you wait to be seen by the doctor I mean.

Also, if you are having to go in for weekly blood tests, the nurse won't be at all surprised if you have a cry on her and tell you how you feel. She might even get a doctor in to see you.