Who was at fault here?

[MyGhastIsFlabbered]

My mum has been staying for the summer. She's been having all kinds of health problems but refuses to get any help for any of them-this could be clouding my judgement.

On Saturday afternoon she mentioned that we needed some shopping but she hadn't any money to get anything I said I couldn’t do it then because we were about to head off to London for a concert (Muse-totally amazing) but I would get it the next day if it could wait. She said it could.

Coming back from London yesterday was a nightmare with changes and bus replacements etc. I was staying at DP's and we were really late to pick his daughter up from his mum’s. I totally forgot about the shopping. When I got home and said it was only flying visit my mum pulled a face. When I asked what was wrong and she said ‘I thought you were doing some shopping-I’ve got no coffee left’. I said I didn’t have time to go to the shop but she could have what money I had left to go and get some. I only had about £4 but it would have bought some coffee and milk. She's previously borrowed my bank card but I knew I'd need it today so couldn't lend it to her.

This morning I e-mailed her asking if she bought coffee and she said she hadn’t because she was ‘so upset at being made to feel like she had to beg for some change to buy coffee’.

I've come home from work and we're sitting in frosty silence.

I don't want to drip feed but there's such a long back story to the complicated relationship my mother and I have that I don't really know where to begin.

Have I been a cow?

Your mother has stayed with you all summer, therefore shouldn’t be expecting you to wait on her hand and foot. She is more than capable of getting her own coffee and milk. I know you say she lives in France and you are concerned about Brexit, but if your brother won’t have her to stay then it’s time she went home to France and wait and see what happened, then make a decision

Well, first off, be telling her she needs to clean her dog's mess up. Right now.

Secondly, perhaps it's about time you sat down with your mother, who may be a functioning alcoholic, but is also a functioning adult, and ask her what her plan is for getting back on her feet and back to her home, and what her time scheme is, because the welcome mat here is wearing thin.

I've got nothing more to give.

OP, it sounds like you've given quite enough already.

I think, to salvage any kind of relationship with your mother, she needs to go home.

When is she planning to go? How much will it cost and how will she get the money to pay for it? Could you pay for it of needs be? I know that's a bit rubbish but for the sake of your sanity, it might be a necessary evil.

Just because she's your mum, doesn't mean that she can treat you badly.

Is there even a date for her to go home? It sounds like she just expects to stay there indefinitely now with you buying and sorting everything. She needs to go back before Brexit happens and sort out her status or you could be stuck with her.

Your brother can be grumpy with her but cheeky to be with you when he won't have her due to his partner.

I really think you are just sticking a plaster over an open wound here that is getting deeper by the day. She is an adult and needs to take responsibility for herself. I think people who haven't had difficult relationships with their parents don't always get this, but hopefully you are starting to

She said she was going to go next week, it's DS2's birthday on Friday and she wanted to stay for that, whether she does now I don't know.

I don't know how she's going to pay to get home, I certainly don't have the money for her ferry or petrol.

Do you think perhaps that regardless of whether she intends to go home after DS's birthday, you intend for her to do so, and she needs to ensure she has the money for her ferry and petrol.

Where were your children while you were in and out? Was she left babysitting for longer than expected?

My children were with their father. So she wasn't babysitting at all.