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Original poster

How can my 40 year old DH make friends?

16 replies

OrangeYellowLeaves · 15/09/2019 16:43

My DH has never really had friends. He acknowledges his social skills aren’t great in large groups and thinks the reason for this is a difficulty with processing all the conversations and, in his words, ‘coming up with a response fast enough’ to keep the conversation going. He finds it much easier to talk to people when it’s 1-1.

He’s not a loud ‘lads lads lads!’ type of guy. He’s a funny, intelligent, kind and creative man. We have recently moved away from our home town so he can’t really develop a relationship with my friends’ DHs as we live too far away. His office is full of women as it’s a very female dominated industry!

How can I best support him to make some friends, and how/where could that happen?

OP posts:

Ragwort · 15/09/2019 16:47

What are his interests? He could volunteer, that’s a great way to meet friends, join a sports team? Something like Rotary Club or Lions?

ISmellBabies · 15/09/2019 16:49

Does he definitely want friends? Some people are happy with their own company. Sounds like he's introverted and has social anxiety. Me too! I really don't want my dh making "helpful" suggestions about making friends, thanks! Introverts are fine as we are. Separately!

Parky04 · 15/09/2019 16:51

I joined a cricket club at the age of 47! Best thing I ever did. Now go to the pub on a Friday, cricket tour to Spain and of course play cricket on a Sunday during the summer.

Kiwiinkits · 15/09/2019 16:52

Did he ask you to give him advice on this?
Get him to do school / kindergarten drop off. Every day. My DH has made loads of dad friends that way?

SapatSea · 15/09/2019 16:55

Join a social/sports club. Have a look at meetup site, our local one has boardgame meetups, scince talks all sorts really. He could take up a new sport such as fencing, he'd meet people on a beginners course and then could progress to the club.He should try something he fancies.

Digestive28 · 15/09/2019 16:56

Just needs to be around people and be brave enough to talk to them and suggest meeting up. So any situation could put him with people (school pick ups, pub, organised hobbies) but the being brave part is the hardest!

GeoffreyAndBungle · 15/09/2019 16:59

We moved 250 miles away and DP (in his 40s) has made friends through joining a cycling club and a couch25k group, doing the school run, taking our kids to a club that parents have to stay at, chatting to people who live in our street and inviting them (blokes and partners if they have one) over for a beer.

minesagin37 · 15/09/2019 17:08

My DH goes for drinks with other dads. Get him to drop off and pick up at school. They are not lads they talk politics, jobs, you name it. They have a laugh actually.

DontForgetToDeadhead · 15/09/2019 17:14

Hobbies that he actually enjoys. Neither DP nor I are exactly social butterflies, and we're both late 30s, but when we moved to a new area about 4 years ago we joined a group that plays boardgames in the local pub. We would both now count the regular members as "friends", we visit each others houses (to play games), message (about games) etc. It can be done!

cacklingmags · 15/09/2019 17:15

I set up a local walking group with my DH who had the same problem. We have both made friends in the group.

Original poster

OrangeYellowLeaves · 15/09/2019 17:22

He feels down about it @ISmellBabies and has told me he really wants friends.

Off to read the suggestions...

OP posts:

MandMand · 15/09/2019 17:43

Could he volunteer with a local Scouts/Cubs group? He wouldn't necessarily need to become a leader, our local group is always grateful for Dads who are willing to help out with organising fundraising events, mending equipment, doing odd jobs around the scout hut, cleaning and putting away tents and equipment after camps etc, and my husband has made friends with other men this way. Many men are more comfortable chatting to others when there is also a "job" to focus on and talk about rather than having to make small talk.

Racmactac · 15/09/2019 17:52

Couch25k group? Don't have to talk much and any chat tends to be one on one or small groups.
But will meet lots local people.

MakeLemonade · 15/09/2019 17:55

My DH has joined our local tennis club, it’s very friendly and he plays twice a week. I think finding something he wants to do anyway is key - takes the pressure off the making friends aspect.

MissSmiley · 15/09/2019 18:00

Get him to watch Paul Rudd in "I Love You Man" really funny movie about a guy who gets engaged and realises he doesn't have a best friend to be his best man so he goes about trying to find one.

Stravapalava · 15/09/2019 19:59

Is there a "Men in Sheds" where you are OP? Or the RSVP group? Meetup app?

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