Friend becoming a little possessive over helping me.

[BenWillbondsPants]

This is a weird one.

I've been ill this year (cancer) and have had lots of treatment/hospital visits etc. I am incredibly lucky with my friends, they have been awesome, so helpful and thoughtful and I feel very fortunate.

One of my closest friends (A) has been an absolute diamond, she really has. Always there with a kind word or pick me up some shopping when I've felt really crappy. We are all part of the same friendship group but recently (I've been quite poorly), she seems to be getting a bit off with other friends who are also offering to help me out a bit. She suffers quite badly with her mental health and I am very conscious of this, but she was really quite unkind to another friend this morning on a group chat we have, when the friend offered to do something for me.

It's like she's becoming a little territorial over me. One of my other friends came to see me this morning and said that A messaged everyone on a separate group to say that they needn't worry about helping me out as she has everything in hand. I'm not sure what to do about it - if I say anything, it could really upset her more than you would generally think. She overanalyses everything and small things become huge to her but I kind of want to nip this in the bud a bit.

To be clear, I'm not asking for a lot of help. Maybe just the odd pint of milk/pick up DS if I'm feeling really unwell, but they have all been so lovely with their time and friendship. I appreciate them all, but I feel like friend A wants me to ask more of her (I don't need to), so that she can tell everyone what she is doing. That sounds awful and ungrateful, I really don't mean it to. I'm not sure what to do, I really don't want to upset her.

she was really quite unkind to another friend this morning on a group chat we have, when the friend offered to do something for me.

She's not really lovely. She might be a bit lovely, but most of what she's doing for you, is more for her. And her being unkind to the other friend is a) rude and b) arrogant. She has no right to tell the others to back off.
You need to stop thinking of her as a saint. She's being uppity and unkind, and you shouldn't make excuses for her. You don't have to be mean, but it's unfair on your other friends for you to let her get away with the way she's treating them.

The more I think of this, I think she'll find a way to be upset at something to be honest. I really don't want that but it's becoming so overbearing that I do know that something needs to tone it down a bit. Maybe a meal out would be better than having it at my house.

I should add that my friends will carry on doing what they want, they're not the kind of people to meekly accept that their held is not required if they want to give it. I gather she was told not be daft after her message this morning. She will have taken offence to that for sure.

If she will find something to be upset about regardless, then you may as well say what you want.

She's making your illness/situation all about her. That's definitely not a sign of niceness. Quite the opposite.

If you have a party at home, can you arrange for one of your other friends to pick her up and drive her, so that Smothering Friend has to leave when Driver Friend does, and she can't try and martyr herself afterwards cleaning up etc?