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Fuck. Worried about fiancé.

5 replies

IsolaRossa · 13/09/2019 12:20

Fiancé is a lovely happy-go-lucky, easy type of man - he sees the bright side of everything.

He's been working in a new job since July. He was initially very excited, but by the time he started, they'd changed his job from being client-facing to being an internal technical team member. Not his strong point, but he's been learning it. Something happened this week and he came home and said he thinks it's over, and he won't pass probation. He doesn't understand it enough and I know he's hating it. He's also 80 minutes away from work, so he's commuting for 2 hours 20 a day, which is tiring him out and flaring up a minor disability that he has.

He didn't sleep at all on Tuesday, and said he'd stick it out for a year because of his CV. By Wednesday he wasn't really eating either, and he only slept last night because he was so shattered that he couldn't stay awake. I still can't get him to eat much. He keeps apologising to me. He called me from outside work this morning to say he'll try and make it to the next payday. I keep trying to reassure him that we'll be okay somehow.

I'm worried about his mental health.

I had a work-induced breakdown in January (I have bipolar). We agreed that I'd put the small settlement I got into starting my own business, which I'm doing, and eventually maybe he'd be able to come work with me. We have worked together before and it generally goes well. But we're not there yet, and I'm not sure whether I should be going to find a stable job to try and give him some more flexibility... my industry has been a bit torn by Brexit, though. I could try and make more through my business, but I'm still in the early stages and right now, I've got little done today because I'm worried about him.

Is there anything else I could do? I've got a horrendous chest and throat infection and I can't think straight, but I'm so worried.

OP posts:
WrongKindOfFace · 13/09/2019 12:22

What you can tell him to do it tart up his CV and start applying for other jobs and get in touch with agencies. No point in sticking it out for a year if he’s going to be utterly miserable.

FiveStoryFire · 13/09/2019 12:23

He needs to just start looking for another job.

Embracelife · 13/09/2019 12:25

Get himto speak to gp
He has to take responsibility for his mental health
And then to a work coach or similar for advice

Or hr if they have one

whocanbebothered · 13/09/2019 12:25

I think the best thing to do is just support him by letting him know that he is under no pressure to continue a job that is making him ill. You can reassure him that he will find some thing else, that you will pick up some extra work, or longer hours to tide you guys over if needs be. You could also suggest he signs up for some recruitment agencies as they could start doing the job hunt for him whilst he still plugs away at the job he dislikes (even if just until the next pay day)

You can proactively help him by perhaps adjusting his CV for him to include this newest role. Or you could search some recruitment agencies he could contact to save him a task.

imarocketman50 · 13/09/2019 12:27

Could you take a break from the mortgage and any other payments to give you some breathing room so he can leave before it destroys him? Most companies let you and so do pension companies. Even 3 months might be enough to make money stretch further while he looks for another job or does some temping work.

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