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Original poster

Duke of Edinburgh fuck up - Help!

66 replies

Slightlyjaded · 13/09/2019 09:28

Hello. DD is doing her DOE bronze and I thought we had to submit her 3 choices together with the (volunteering/skill/activity) next week but it's today. We have sorted her skill and can hopefully pull activity out of the bag but we've fucked up on the volunteering. Ages ago I spoke to a teacher at her primary who said she would be happy to find something for her to do, but this has fallen apart as we can't coordinate anything outside of school ours (when DD is obviously at school herself).

Local charity shops are already over-run with DOE kids.

A local pet groomer/dog walker has said she is happy for DD to spend Sat mornings with the dogs/sweeping fur from grooming/walking/answering the phone but they are not a charity. Would this count?

I have to submit for today and can't find a number for DOE - just a contact form. Panicking!

Thanks.

OP posts:
LiveInAHidingPlace · 13/09/2019 10:11

"There has been a fuck up and I am trying to help her fix it."

She should be fixing her own fuck ups, that's the point.

TheOliphantintheRoom · 13/09/2019 10:14

You don't have to explain yourself, OP.

Hoppinggreen · 13/09/2019 10:16

How’s she doing that while she’s at school right now?
Do you think OP should (possibly) just stand by and see her DD unable to do the Dof E when it’s within her power to help
I’m all for encouraging independence but right now this child needs help and it’s not the time to teach her a lesson. It sounds like OP and her family have had a difficult summer and things get missed.
They can address Long term issues later but if the form needs to go now than it needs to go now and OP is asking for help with that rather than how she should parent

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Original poster
Slightlyjaded · 13/09/2019 10:19

*LiveInAHidingPlace Fri 13-Sep-19 10:11:29
"There has been a fuck up and I am trying to help her fix it."

She should be fixing her own fuck ups, that's the point.*

You have no idea of the fuck ups she has already dealt with this summer - I alluded to a hard summer and she/we have dealt with a number of life-changingly awful things - and she has coped brilliantly. The DOE thing slipped and now DOES NOT HAVE TIME to fix this herself as she is at school. So I am helping. Or trying to. That doesn't mean I am pandering to her, or stunting her growth or running after her with cups of warm milk - I am just trying to ensure she doesn't miss out on something through no fault of her own. Wouldn't you?

OP posts:
sashh · 13/09/2019 10:21

When I did mine, back in the dark ages I spent a few days at the police station - that's not a charity so I don't see why a dog groomer can't be.

The local police actually ran a sort of short course for D of E.

emmaliz · 13/09/2019 10:24

I think it is great you are helping her out. I would do the same for anyone, child or adult. The volunteering itself will help her develop independence and experience a different environment

DodgeRainClouds · 13/09/2019 10:24

Contact your local parkrun on their Facebook page. They always have DofE volunteers.

Lulualla · 13/09/2019 10:34

The deadline was her responsibility, not yours. She messed it up so she needs to fix it. Not you. That's the point of DOE. You don't sort it for her.

m00rfarm · 13/09/2019 10:36

My son volunteered at the local museum - very small and desperately in need of people to help. DoE were very happy with this option.

Lulualla · 13/09/2019 10:38

But your daughter could have filled out most of the online thing before she went to school this morning and then spent her lunch break at school looking up and calling local places to see if she could help there. If no luck them she fills in the form at home with the dog groomer or the primary school. If the dog groomer isn't accepted then she could change it, or she could just say the primary school fell through and she hasn't been updated.

mrswhiplington · 13/09/2019 10:39

Could you try local animal shelters? They are always looking for volunteers. My DD walked a dog for a lady who had a disabled DD. Not a charity but they accepted it.

Croquembou · 13/09/2019 10:41

Don't explain yourself, OP. I'm sure your daughter is lovely and everyone needs a bit of help sometimes Smile

Another voice for Park Run - they always need people.

Original poster
Slightlyjaded · 13/09/2019 10:41

@Lulualla

  1. She didn't think she could change it once the form had been submitted.
  2. She isn't allowed a phone at school and even if she was (and they are very strict) she'd have about 15 mins between eating and moving between buildings.
  3. She finishes school at 4:10 and has hockey training until 5:30.

If I don't help her out of this hole, she can't do it. So whilst I take the point (and agree) that the point of DOE is independence. She is not going to be doing the bloody thing if I don't help her resolve this fuck up.

OP posts:
LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 13/09/2019 10:42

My son has ASD and I'm sorting all his DoE stuff for him - it's a compulsory subject at our school and not much thought has been given to how children with ASN can access it.

Anyway.

Put in your original choice. Put walking for the activity bit (teacher here actually recommended this as they have to walk out for their overnight and having kids that can actually do this without moaning is a big bonus for them). Then change your original choice once you've sorted out what she really wants to do. Volunteer ops change all the time, it'll be fine.

mrswhiplington · 13/09/2019 10:44

I would be helping my DD too in this situation. Why would anybody just sit back and watch their child struggle? I hope you get this sorted. My DD had a great time doing DofE. I hope yours does too.

MissPhryneFisher · 13/09/2019 10:53

Fill in whatever online, OP, and change it later. I assume it's the school being strict (IME school are much stricter with Y9s doing bronze than they are with 6th formers doing gold) so do what you have to do to meet the deadline, and make changes once your DD has managed to get something sorted.

FWIW I had to post DD3s book to her at the residential activity she was doing for gold DofE as she'd forgotten it - makes no difference to the amount of independent effort she's put into all activities at all three levels, getting a helping hand for one little bit.

TinyTear · 13/09/2019 10:59

do you have a local parkrun?

Frouby · 13/09/2019 11:03

Dd and 3 of her friends volunteered to a local carw home and went and visited residents, helped them play bingo, sang songs etc. Try that.

Ontopofthesunset · 13/09/2019 11:04

There is no strict deadline at D of E for submitting what you're doing - you don't really need to until you submit all your data. So it doesn't matter if you change it later. Just put something down like the daycare. The volunteering doesn't have to be a charity. A friend's son did litter picking by the river for the required hours.

Reallybadidea · 13/09/2019 11:04

I would be astonished if they can't change the details later. She won't be the only one where things fall through. They won't just chuck her out because she's changed the volunteering activity.

The dog grooming thing just sounds like free labour though and not in the spirit of DofE. Stick the primary school thing down and buy yourselves some more time.

Iwantacampervan · 13/09/2019 11:17

One of mine volunteered at the library for the summer reading challenge and the other heard younger pupils read at school - neither were charities. I would recommend Parkrun for volunteeringif she can get u and out 8.30am on a Saturday!

NoSquirrels · 13/09/2019 11:23

From the DofE website:
Your volunteering must not be done for a business but can be undertaken for a charity or not-for-profit organisation.

Put the school down & figure it out later!

rookiemere · 13/09/2019 11:26

parkrun always has room for volunteers

Lessstressedhemum · 13/09/2019 11:27

I've had many many kids doing DoE volunteering both in the foodbank I run and in my BB company. You can usually contact either of these through a Facebook page

Activity could be parkrun. That's easy to monitor. Although the assessor's report might be a bit trickier to organise

Bobbyflay · 13/09/2019 11:28

Definitely a local Parkrun. Saturday mornings for an hour each week.