Struggling with life

[Strugglingatm]

Feel free to move this to another forum if preferred.

I am a guy, late 30s, suffer badly with anxiety, for which I take medication and have had counselling, but without success. I had counselling for roughly 18 months, and the counsellor effectively said I was scared to grow up (which is probably true).

I am not working atm, I worked for many years but left a job as my anxiety was bad, and since then have been temping (but unable to hold a job down). I have keep ringing and phoning recruitment agencies but they often never return calls and I am starting to think alot of the jobs don’t exist.

I have my own place, but cannot face up to the responsibilities of living there, so end up back at my parents.

I am decent looking, intelligent, kind, and people do like me, although my anxiety has stretched alot of my friendships in the past.

I have never had a girlfriend in my life and feel hopeless at the moment.

I dont want more counselling as it does not seem to help.

Any advice would be welcome, but i feel overwhelmed atm :(

Dealing with anxiety and depression does not make you a loser.You might start with small steps ,maybe a part time job .Do you like animals?
Would you consider volunteering at a dog rescue .?Don't let anxiety win and stop you from doing the things you want to do.

I need a job asap, so i can keep paying the bills on my home, so that is a priority atm, but part time may be a better fit for me at this time.

What sort of jobs do you do?

Did you do in the past?

University admin mainly (last 6ish years), nothing too fancy, purchasing, lab support, data entry, that sort of thing, 22-26k salary range. Before that shop work, much lower paid.

Sometimes low mood/depression can be helped by vitamin D, I noticed that in myself. Vit B also can help.
Maybe worth trying?

Also, you need to find an activity u like and get out there, have u considered dancing? It's very sociable although u don't need to chat, just smile really, but it gives u opportunity to mingle with people, smile a lot and learn a fun skill at the same time.

Ceroc or salsa and u don't need a partner, I don't go often but when I do I come out with a smile on my face and it makes a big difference. U could be very popular!

My diet is so poor atm I may be lacking in vitamins. A borocca each day may be a good idea, thanks.

Not sure about the dancing :) i am quite introverted, but warm and friendly, i think, but may be a bit of a “flooding” type treatment for my anxiety I guess!!!!

If your diet is poor maybe you could consider a course of cookery lessons?

What is it about growing up and being independent you fearful of? I don't think there is ever such a thing as growing up. I still love stickers and put kitsch toys and bright pink lights and plants on my work desk which doesn't look like a corporate desk at all. I think getting a job and self esteem back will help.

Would it help you to know I suffer from anxiety all the time even though on outside I look calm and collected at work and I hold down a top London corporate job. I started to learn a new music instrument which has helped.

Thanks Egghead, even just a few simple recipes would be a start. My motivation levels are low at the moment, everything seems a struggle and pointless in the bigger picture, but I know I need to change my mentality.

Thanks Cookie, not sure what I am afraid of, responsibility maybe? Thanks for your words.

You sound like a male version of me. I am in my mid 30s and suffer with anxiety and ptsd due to extreme childhood abuse. I would say sitting in a room with a therapist is a night mare don't do it. To have a stable job a good start would be to have a stable mind. Please do not fear being on your own I know you might have attacks when alone take a few deep breaths and do some reading or phone a friend. Start with yourself by being yourself on your own. Move back to your own home and create a stress free place for yourself. (I would also suggest that you read the bible as that has helped me ) ALL THE BEST

I think there's too much pressure to live up to societal norms. I think it's ok to feel anxious and not feel like you are adequate. If you learn to accept yourself you could then learn to manage these symptoms of anxiety. Its multi faceted approach there isn't a magic pill.

But you need to keep trying and something will click. Its the process of trying and not giving up. Success isn't how many things you've got in your life. Success is about picking yourself up and not leaving yourself on the ground each time you fall. And each time you pick yourself up.. leaving yourself on the ground will be less and less both in frequency and duration.

Thanks that again for your thoughts.

Thanks cdk as well. I agree re accepting not feeling adequate or anxious, and it's a way of looking at it. The only problem is, that looking at it this way, won't it just cause depression or inaction as you are telling yourself, I am not adequate etc......if I .understand correctly.....genuine question.....

Its not ok to do nothing for days on end and have no game plan. You need to work hard, get up in the morning, ring the recruiters, search for jobs. That in itself is a full time job. Life is hard but you get out what you put in. What I'm saying is, it's ok to acknowledge how you feel. If you want to wallow in depression them do so, just let yourself be with your feelings and let it all out. But next day, get up, iron your shirt put it on then face the world and say you can do this.

Someone once told me fake it till you make it. Fake it everyday and just do it. Right a list of 10 things you want to get done and keep trying every day till it's done and crossed off your list.

Defeat is not acceptable. But acknowledging it's hard, being kind to yourself is.