Dealing with impatience, as a manager

[Sockypuppet]

I'm in a management role again. I'm struggling with my own impatience.

I'm actually a really mellow person and people have said they enjoy working with me because of that. I'm good at what I do and I keep a calm vibe. No use getting stressed. I think that's why I keep getting promoted.

But there's something about supervision /management that brings out my impatience. When people don't get things or if they're kind of dithering, not showing initiative, or otherwise making mistakes, of course my job is to point it out and help them to a better way.

Ideally I would like to inspire them in a positive way. But I am finding it increasingly difficult to hide my irritation when I'm saying things like, "If you keep notes of procedures you'll find it easier to remember," or, "All the paperwork needs to be 100% accurate".

Also I think showing irritation doesn't actually convey authority anyway.

Anyone else a manager dealing with this?

I really need to get hold of myself. To be clear I never shout or am horrible, but impatience creeps into my tone and I can see people noticing.

I'm afraid I have no advice for this but it's the exact feedback I gave my own boss today so following with interest.

He took it on the chin (we've worked together a long time and his manner doesn't impact me but I know it intimidates some of my colleagues at times)

I'm with you OP. I'm managing a young lady whose responsibility is to take the weekly team meeting notes. The first time she took the notes it was just her actions.. so I suggested she record the meeting and then she has all the information and everybody else's actions. This week she wanted to see if she could do it without recording it (but she had her phone next to her so I thought she was recording it) and it seems, despite my instruction, she did her own thing. This is despite me asking her if she understood what was needed and her answering in the affirmative.

We have a weekly catch up and I asked her today nicely but firmly, what happened and what I expect next time. She says she understands and really, what more can you do? I try and take a breath and remember I have years more experience but when people agree with what you're saying and you're giving them every opportunity to say otherwise, what can you do? My DH goes one step further and asks people to write an email back to him explaining the request back to him. I may start doing this.

I should say we're in a foreign country and dealing with different cultures but it can be frustrating when instructions don't get followed.

Sadie, could you provide examples of intimidating behaviour, and advise what you think he should do differently?

I think part of it is that I didn't want to be a supervisor again but it was just presented to me as a fait accompli. "Congratulations!"

Just something about having to be responsible for others' work is incredibly stressful to me. It absolutely transforms me from chilled-out work-mate to stressed-out boss.

I suspect you're stressed by it because a) you're not in control and b) you don't trust them to deliver.

A is your problem and you need to find ways to cope with that.

B is the one you need to work on together. Are you setting objectives clearly enough? Do they understand the context of tasks? Do they understand they're not meeting expectations? If you've already spoken to them about a particular task and it's still not right, the task itself is no longer the problem. Now the problem is that they haven't implemented the fixes they promised, or they haven't communicated problems to you clearly enough. Or they need to work on time management (whatever it is).

I feel for you. I've recently taken on line management again, and it does change the vibe of a job.

Rather than you telling them what they should do to get it right ask them to tell you what they think they should be doing. In theory they then 'own' that thought.

For example, if the job wasn't completed properly because they didn't follow the procedure rather than saying 'follow the procedure' you ask them what they think will help them to do the job properly next time. They will hopefully say 'I should use the procedure'. You can then say something like 'Is the procedure up to date? Shall we check?'

Ideally you will be making action notes of your supervision meetings with them. Then you have it in writing. 'Discussed xx job, will update procedure by y and follow it in future'
Then if you have a concern about their abilities - if they are continuing to make mistakes - you then have the issue documented.

In management it is easy to get into what is called the 'parent/child' style of management. Basically, the manager behaves like the parent and does the telling off and the staff member behaves like a child - can become defensive when making mistakes, or doesn't listen, etc.
You want to avoid this style of management as much as possible and aim towards a 'coaching' style of management instead.

It depends on the circumstances, if someone is new or makes, makes a one off mistake, or is struggling with a high workload or conflicting priorities then you need to work on being empathetic and focus on practical things to prevent a recurrence. If someone is lazy, doesn’t pay attention to detail or is disinterested and has been repeatedly helped I don’t see anything wrong with letting a little irritation show.

www.askamanager.org/2017/01/i-yelled-at-our-intern.html

Thanks for thoughtful comments.

I found the linked article above. It really helped me remind myself that I do in fact have the standing and the tools to get the desired outcome. Which has turned me right around and made me feel a lot calmer!

Yes, I do appreciate the points about coaching and I want to be collaborative. My irritation rose out of a situation where someone took the piss and then made excuses. She somehow thought I had just been making suggestions before, and when I pointed out with some irritation, "No, the tanks needs to be completed like x or otherwise its just a waste of resources," she was taken aback and offended.

I appreciate the feedback.